his hand squeezes, too, in reflex - emotions shifting across a wide spectrum. concern, a wariness, a more guarded, fragile vulnerability that is gone nearly as fast as it comes, an absolute sense of curiosity, and of course, affection, too. gu yun takes a moment before he composes his response. ]
... To say the words you have and do the actions you have done, then to think anything otherwise would be quite foolish. So. Of course I will. [ after all, she's never shown him anything but care. not since they've come here, good times, bad, and others.
he wants to know. clearly, he wants to know, but he bites back on it, though cutting the emotional ripple of it back is much harder. ]
[a deep breath. all of his emotions cause sharp reactions in her, stabs of guilt and sadness and fear, a wildfire of things. he says what she does, and she closes her eyes.]
Mmhm. [she just has to take his word for it.] Thanks.
[she brings his fingers up, kissing his knuckles. that little flicker of something stronger, something loving and sweet, words she can't say because she's afraid to.]
[ he really hates this! just so you know!!! gu yun's emotions are much more telling than his facial expression, which stays pretty neutral. that vulnerability is still there, and discomfort and worry come through like a lash, along with a quiet sort of anger that must belong to the place as a whole. something more thoughtful, like he's trying to recall back on their conversations this week, trying to figure out what's going on.
and with that, there's warmth, too - matching. something else unsaid.
he lets her take his hand and kiss at his knuckles, though, and stays quiet, storm all over his brow. ]
...alright. [ trust is such a complex, difficult thing for someone like gu yun - it is so rare for him to give himself over to anyone entirely, always holding his cards close to his chest. and she'll get the sense that he does trust what she's saying, but...something about him is a little more guarded than usual. ] If you say so.
[she sighs, and rubs at her forehead. she doesn't notice, but a few more cracks open up along her skin.]
I shouldn't have said anything. [she mutters, but. she doesn't let go of his hand. too selfish for that. she picks up a fish, and tosses it to lucy, expression just... weary.
her emotions match. she's just - like, depressed, but in that tired, nothing matters sort of way.]
How are you doing? You guys managed a no vote. That's rad.
I just haven't ever had a reason to doubt that. I don't have one now, either.
[ gu yun absolutely does notice the cracks - with his sight strong, it's impossible not to. there's a pause in his emotions, and the worry flares again, obvious and strong, before he sighs, quietly, a sense of tiredness joining it.
he squeezes lup's hand, though, and finds a newly opened crack to run his thumb over it, unworried about any heat, but doesn't take the immediate change in topic. ]
[she knew he wasn't going to take it, and she takes a deep breath.]
I don't know. [that's honest. it's very honest, desperately so.] I don't know. But I have to. My brother - my heart. He's going to die if I don't get back.
[but her resolve falters there, and he can probably feel it.]
he can feel the desperation, too, though. and desperation - desperation's a powerful motivator. love is, too. his emotions shift and roil even if his expression never once changes, from recognition to a fierce empathy. he's going to die if i don't get back. he thinks of a young man, the wide eyed fourteen year old he left behind.
again.
his brows furrow, and questions start coming to the surface - gu yun takes the moment to sort through them all. there's no doubt coming off of him, certainly not in that regard. lup's love for her brother. hell, he's felt it. ]
... Lup. [ quietly. ]
You all have known about that thing -- Xiaohei -- [ the little nickname from the other night for the creature. ] -- since the beginning. Haven't you?
[ he's perfectly calm - his emotions stay that way, too, but there's something underneath it that feels like concern, and that same guarded vulnerability, so, so tender. it's harder to mask during a week where their emotions are spread out like dinner plates. ]
Don't - I'm Wrath. [she can't be lup, it's too - he can probably feel the dissonance she feels, this conversation and being lup, being her, it feels like ramming into an electric fence when she gets too close to it. it hurts. she has to be wrath, to protect any sort of part of herself.]
[ it's not that he doesn't get it, the difference between a name and a title. but everything the marquis of order has done, every hard decision he's ever made, has been made by gu yun, too.
his hand squeezes against hers. not tighter. just. holding on, and for a minute, it twinges of a tiny bit of desperation, too. not for an answer, but for something else entirely. there's another flicker of emotion, like a massive, complicated tangle of feelings, but then it's just -- gone. shut off like a tap. ]
...Were you all planning on throwing us to the wolves to keep it fed?
recognition, really. he's not surprised. maybe that's the worst part. ]
... You know if we can help you, those of us that remain, we will. If we can find another way, we'll find it. [ that determination remains - iron strong. ] But you all have to be honest with us.
I don't really - see why you would want to help us.
[she sounds... confused.] ... I don't - I haven't wanted to lie to you. It doesn't change what has happened, I'm aware. But you know... you know I'm always looking for a third option.
I don't know how much else I can do. If there is another way. We lost control a long time ago.
At the beginning of all of this, you asked me if you seemed like a murderer. Do you remember that?
[ back the week that fukuda talked shit!! ] And I told you that measuring someone by their aspect was foolish. That many of the participants among us failed to separate title from name, job from person, when it came to you all. [ and doesn't he know it? the marquis of order, gu yun, who barely knows who gu yun is. ]
While it wasn't a duty - [ and here, there's an almost flash of something more vulnerable, again, something hurt, but it's barely a second long. ] - there is often a difference between what has to be done, and what you want to do, or at least, what you regret. You all are, ultimately, living creatures of some kind, and living creatures are selfish, but I also can't throw a stone from a glass house.
[ considering he killed mahito last week for his medicine. ]
...From the beginning, I didn't trust any of you, but was forced into a position of openness based on what you all knew. If there was anyone, it - [ it was you, you were the one i trusted, he starts - and then stops, and shakes his head. that feeling resonates again, a tiny flicker of vulnerability, before he continues. ]
...you've always preferred it when I called you by your name, until just now. I don't think you can obfuscate what's been done behind the title. [ the words come down seriously, harsh. ] Both Wrath and Lup are the ones who brought me here to kill me.
[ a pause. ] But. Since arriving, Wrath and Lup are the ones who have done everything in their power to save my life.
And Wrath, and Lup, are the ones who told me they loved me, and meant it.
[ and there's just - there's that same, normal affection, there. it's wrapped in hurt, a fluttering, vulnerable thing, but it hasn't gone.
that fierce determination follows, though, never stopping. a low, simmering anger, but there's a better target for fury than the Avatars themselves, right now. ]
I'm not going to accept rolling over on my back like a piece of pork for that thing's dinner. I refuse to just accept defeat when I'm only just now learning the conditions, and the rest of us are, I'm sure, the same. I have no intention of collecting a half hearted victory. It is all or nothing, and that includes you all. It especially includes you.
If you don't know how much else you can do, if you regret it, then it's time to shed some light on the darkness and let us at least try. The group we have left isn't half bad at solving things, when we want to be.
[well. it's not like she doesn't deserve it. she flinches. you brought me here to kill me.
she's quiet, everything in her screaming. fighting for some semblance of sanity. she's overwhelmed, but she won't cry this time. she isn't going to make him reach out and comfort her, not now, not like this. it's a close thing when he says wrath, and lup, are the ones who told me they loved me, and meant it - because it's true, she did. but he never said it back, and she's gunshy, embarrassed, ashamed all in one, emotions boiling under the surface.
scolded, and indignant because of that scolding, a kneejerk reaction.]
I didn't bring you here. [she corrects, but - doesn't fight. it all boils down to the same thing. silence, then:] I don't want any of you to roll over. I'll help as much as I can, but I'm going to be stopped.
It won't stop me from trying. You just should know that I'm not resisting because I want to.
[ he takes a moment to consider her answer, thoughtful, to consider her emotions, too. his hand hasn't left hers, even as she flinched, and it stays now, too, settling into a soft neutrality. ]
he doesn't say it. but the emotional equivalent of 'tch' crosses between them anyway. the two missing names are the two he's expecting, and no amount of affection that lup has for despair would change anything. not surprising. ]
That's what I expected. Qingxuan can likely be of use in working with Sloth and Envy. Let us focus on them and don't put yourself out there too much.
[ he glances away for a moment, thinking. ] I made a remark about killing it, and you panicked, earlier this week. What happens if it dies?
We're not -- [she starts, hair flaring a little, but she shuts her mouth. protectiveness rises up in her throat and burns furiously, and she won't apologize for that.
her mouth works.]
I don't know what happens, but seeing as we've been connected to it for months I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be a good result for me.
That's true. [ with a soft huff, a little humorless. it's a little apologetic, despite the high tension. ] I'm not assuming that you're sitting on a magic answer.
[ that's. kind of why they're in this situation in the first place! so. ]
Right. It's capable of [ emotionally, she can probably feel him roll his eyes ] speech, now. [ uwu ]
Those scans that Sasazuka and Mineo saw were set in September, December, and March. December is when everything began to accelerate, right? Based on what you told me, and the letter.
[ he does glance over to her as she looks away, briefly. ] Mm. And then we arrived in February.
[ thoughtfulness settles over his expression, and he takes note of the anxiety, for the moment; his thumb eventually strokes over the side of her hand. ]
... Can you tell me what happened, in the time between?
[it helps, but it's probably clear that she's scared.]
We got things ready. We didn't know people were coming until... I don't know. Time blurs together. We didn't know immediately that you guys were coming. And we started changing then.
[ ... it's the fear that gets some of that serious, businesslike emotion to waver. ultimately, under that iron exterior, he softens, and steps closer again, almost instinctively. protectively so. seems that hasn't changed either. ]
Everything helps, Lup. Every bit of information. [ you're doing well. it's helping. she's helping, even if it's terrifying, it's a start. ] To clarify, when we arrived was when you all started changing, or when you knew we were coming?
...Could it be that thing - this place - is only meant to support a specific amount of people at a time? [ thinking... ]
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bad
his hand squeezes, too, in reflex - emotions shifting across a wide spectrum. concern, a wariness, a more guarded, fragile vulnerability that is gone nearly as fast as it comes, an absolute sense of curiosity, and of course, affection, too. gu yun takes a moment before he composes his response. ]
... To say the words you have and do the actions you have done, then to think anything otherwise would be quite foolish. So. Of course I will. [ after all, she's never shown him anything but care. not since they've come here, good times, bad, and others.
he wants to know. clearly, he wants to know, but he bites back on it, though cutting the emotional ripple of it back is much harder. ]
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Mmhm. [she just has to take his word for it.] Thanks.
[she brings his fingers up, kissing his knuckles. that little flicker of something stronger, something loving and sweet, words she can't say because she's afraid to.]
Okay, okay. No bummers.
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and with that, there's warmth, too - matching. something else unsaid.
he lets her take his hand and kiss at his knuckles, though, and stays quiet, storm all over his brow. ]
...alright. [ trust is such a complex, difficult thing for someone like gu yun - it is so rare for him to give himself over to anyone entirely, always holding his cards close to his chest. and she'll get the sense that he does trust what she's saying, but...something about him is a little more guarded than usual. ] If you say so.
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I shouldn't have said anything. [she mutters, but. she doesn't let go of his hand. too selfish for that. she picks up a fish, and tosses it to lucy, expression just... weary.
her emotions match. she's just - like, depressed, but in that tired, nothing matters sort of way.]
How are you doing? You guys managed a no vote. That's rad.
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I just haven't ever had a reason to doubt that. I don't have one now, either.
[ gu yun absolutely does notice the cracks - with his sight strong, it's impossible not to. there's a pause in his emotions, and the worry flares again, obvious and strong, before he sighs, quietly, a sense of tiredness joining it.
he squeezes lup's hand, though, and finds a newly opened crack to run his thumb over it, unworried about any heat, but doesn't take the immediate change in topic. ]
Lup, how do you all get to go home?
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I don't know. [that's honest. it's very honest, desperately so.] I don't know. But I have to. My brother - my heart. He's going to die if I don't get back.
[but her resolve falters there, and he can probably feel it.]
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he can feel the desperation, too, though. and desperation - desperation's a powerful motivator. love is, too. his emotions shift and roil even if his expression never once changes, from recognition to a fierce empathy. he's going to die if i don't get back. he thinks of a young man, the wide eyed fourteen year old he left behind.
again.
his brows furrow, and questions start coming to the surface - gu yun takes the moment to sort through them all. there's no doubt coming off of him, certainly not in that regard. lup's love for her brother. hell, he's felt it. ]
... Lup. [ quietly. ]
You all have known about that thing -- Xiaohei -- [ the little nickname from the other night for the creature. ] -- since the beginning. Haven't you?
[ he's perfectly calm - his emotions stay that way, too, but there's something underneath it that feels like concern, and that same guarded vulnerability, so, so tender. it's harder to mask during a week where their emotions are spread out like dinner plates. ]
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Don't - I'm Wrath. [she can't be lup, it's too - he can probably feel the dissonance she feels, this conversation and being lup, being her, it feels like ramming into an electric fence when she gets too close to it. it hurts. she has to be wrath, to protect any sort of part of herself.]
I've known about it from the start. Yes.
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his hand squeezes against hers. not tighter. just. holding on, and for a minute, it twinges of a tiny bit of desperation, too. not for an answer, but for something else entirely. there's another flicker of emotion, like a massive, complicated tangle of feelings, but then it's just -- gone. shut off like a tap. ]
...Were you all planning on throwing us to the wolves to keep it fed?
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Yes. [... grief, guilt, desperation - all kept out of her voice.] But I don't want to. I would rather offer myself.
[what she wants isn't worth this.]
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there's just...
recognition, really. he's not surprised. maybe that's the worst part. ]
... You know if we can help you, those of us that remain, we will. If we can find another way, we'll find it. [ that determination remains - iron strong. ] But you all have to be honest with us.
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[she sounds... confused.] ... I don't - I haven't wanted to lie to you. It doesn't change what has happened, I'm aware. But you know... you know I'm always looking for a third option.
I don't know how much else I can do. If there is another way. We lost control a long time ago.
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he's quiet for a second longer. ]
At the beginning of all of this, you asked me if you seemed like a murderer. Do you remember that?
[ back the week that fukuda talked shit!! ] And I told you that measuring someone by their aspect was foolish. That many of the participants among us failed to separate title from name, job from person, when it came to you all. [ and doesn't he know it? the marquis of order, gu yun, who barely knows who gu yun is. ]
While it wasn't a duty - [ and here, there's an almost flash of something more vulnerable, again, something hurt, but it's barely a second long. ] - there is often a difference between what has to be done, and what you want to do, or at least, what you regret. You all are, ultimately, living creatures of some kind, and living creatures are selfish, but I also can't throw a stone from a glass house.
[ considering he killed mahito last week for his medicine. ]
...From the beginning, I didn't trust any of you, but was forced into a position of openness based on what you all knew. If there was anyone, it - [ it was you, you were the one i trusted, he starts - and then stops, and shakes his head. that feeling resonates again, a tiny flicker of vulnerability, before he continues. ]
...you've always preferred it when I called you by your name, until just now. I don't think you can obfuscate what's been done behind the title. [ the words come down seriously, harsh. ] Both Wrath and Lup are the ones who brought me here to kill me.
[ a pause. ] But. Since arriving, Wrath and Lup are the ones who have done everything in their power to save my life.
And Wrath, and Lup, are the ones who told me they loved me, and meant it.
[ and there's just - there's that same, normal affection, there. it's wrapped in hurt, a fluttering, vulnerable thing, but it hasn't gone.
that fierce determination follows, though, never stopping. a low, simmering anger, but there's a better target for fury than the Avatars themselves, right now. ]
I'm not going to accept rolling over on my back like a piece of pork for that thing's dinner. I refuse to just accept defeat when I'm only just now learning the conditions, and the rest of us are, I'm sure, the same. I have no intention of collecting a half hearted victory. It is all or nothing, and that includes you all. It especially includes you.
If you don't know how much else you can do, if you regret it, then it's time to shed some light on the darkness and let us at least try. The group we have left isn't half bad at solving things, when we want to be.
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she's quiet, everything in her screaming. fighting for some semblance of sanity. she's overwhelmed, but she won't cry this time. she isn't going to make him reach out and comfort her, not now, not like this. it's a close thing when he says wrath, and lup, are the ones who told me they loved me, and meant it - because it's true, she did. but he never said it back, and she's gunshy, embarrassed, ashamed all in one, emotions boiling under the surface.
scolded, and indignant because of that scolding, a kneejerk reaction.]
I didn't bring you here. [she corrects, but - doesn't fight. it all boils down to the same thing. silence, then:] I don't want any of you to roll over. I'll help as much as I can, but I'm going to be stopped.
It won't stop me from trying. You just should know that I'm not resisting because I want to.
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Who of the others is going to want to help?
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[a jagged shiver of unease. she knows who that list is missing and it kills her a little.]
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he doesn't say it. but the emotional equivalent of 'tch' crosses between them anyway. the two missing names are the two he's expecting, and no amount of affection that lup has for despair would change anything. not surprising. ]
That's what I expected. Qingxuan can likely be of use in working with Sloth and Envy. Let us focus on them and don't put yourself out there too much.
[ he glances away for a moment, thinking. ] I made a remark about killing it, and you panicked, earlier this week. What happens if it dies?
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We're not -- [she starts, hair flaring a little, but she shuts her mouth. protectiveness rises up in her throat and burns furiously, and she won't apologize for that.
her mouth works.]
I don't know what happens, but seeing as we've been connected to it for months I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be a good result for me.
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[ he feels the protectiveness, the anger, but is focused in on business, now - steady and calm, despite everything. ]
Did its growth stop when the numbers went down? Between your all's time here first, and between our arrival?
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[frustration, bashing up against that steady calm.]
It's been growing steadily. You've all seen that.
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[ that's. kind of why they're in this situation in the first place! so. ]
Right. It's capable of [ emotionally, she can probably feel him roll his eyes ] speech, now. [ uwu ]
Those scans that Sasazuka and Mineo saw were set in September, December, and March. December is when everything began to accelerate, right? Based on what you told me, and the letter.
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Yes. That's right. [her anxiety is slowly growing as they talk.]
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[ thoughtfulness settles over his expression, and he takes note of the anxiety, for the moment; his thumb eventually strokes over the side of her hand. ]
... Can you tell me what happened, in the time between?
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We got things ready. We didn't know people were coming until... I don't know. Time blurs together. We didn't know immediately that you guys were coming. And we started changing then.
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Everything helps, Lup. Every bit of information. [ you're doing well. it's helping. she's helping, even if it's terrifying, it's a start. ] To clarify, when we arrived was when you all started changing, or when you knew we were coming?
...Could it be that thing - this place - is only meant to support a specific amount of people at a time? [ thinking... ]
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