I just haven't ever had a reason to doubt that. I don't have one now, either.
[ gu yun absolutely does notice the cracks - with his sight strong, it's impossible not to. there's a pause in his emotions, and the worry flares again, obvious and strong, before he sighs, quietly, a sense of tiredness joining it.
he squeezes lup's hand, though, and finds a newly opened crack to run his thumb over it, unworried about any heat, but doesn't take the immediate change in topic. ]
[she knew he wasn't going to take it, and she takes a deep breath.]
I don't know. [that's honest. it's very honest, desperately so.] I don't know. But I have to. My brother - my heart. He's going to die if I don't get back.
[but her resolve falters there, and he can probably feel it.]
he can feel the desperation, too, though. and desperation - desperation's a powerful motivator. love is, too. his emotions shift and roil even if his expression never once changes, from recognition to a fierce empathy. he's going to die if i don't get back. he thinks of a young man, the wide eyed fourteen year old he left behind.
again.
his brows furrow, and questions start coming to the surface - gu yun takes the moment to sort through them all. there's no doubt coming off of him, certainly not in that regard. lup's love for her brother. hell, he's felt it. ]
... Lup. [ quietly. ]
You all have known about that thing -- Xiaohei -- [ the little nickname from the other night for the creature. ] -- since the beginning. Haven't you?
[ he's perfectly calm - his emotions stay that way, too, but there's something underneath it that feels like concern, and that same guarded vulnerability, so, so tender. it's harder to mask during a week where their emotions are spread out like dinner plates. ]
Don't - I'm Wrath. [she can't be lup, it's too - he can probably feel the dissonance she feels, this conversation and being lup, being her, it feels like ramming into an electric fence when she gets too close to it. it hurts. she has to be wrath, to protect any sort of part of herself.]
[ it's not that he doesn't get it, the difference between a name and a title. but everything the marquis of order has done, every hard decision he's ever made, has been made by gu yun, too.
his hand squeezes against hers. not tighter. just. holding on, and for a minute, it twinges of a tiny bit of desperation, too. not for an answer, but for something else entirely. there's another flicker of emotion, like a massive, complicated tangle of feelings, but then it's just -- gone. shut off like a tap. ]
...Were you all planning on throwing us to the wolves to keep it fed?
recognition, really. he's not surprised. maybe that's the worst part. ]
... You know if we can help you, those of us that remain, we will. If we can find another way, we'll find it. [ that determination remains - iron strong. ] But you all have to be honest with us.
I don't really - see why you would want to help us.
[she sounds... confused.] ... I don't - I haven't wanted to lie to you. It doesn't change what has happened, I'm aware. But you know... you know I'm always looking for a third option.
I don't know how much else I can do. If there is another way. We lost control a long time ago.
At the beginning of all of this, you asked me if you seemed like a murderer. Do you remember that?
[ back the week that fukuda talked shit!! ] And I told you that measuring someone by their aspect was foolish. That many of the participants among us failed to separate title from name, job from person, when it came to you all. [ and doesn't he know it? the marquis of order, gu yun, who barely knows who gu yun is. ]
While it wasn't a duty - [ and here, there's an almost flash of something more vulnerable, again, something hurt, but it's barely a second long. ] - there is often a difference between what has to be done, and what you want to do, or at least, what you regret. You all are, ultimately, living creatures of some kind, and living creatures are selfish, but I also can't throw a stone from a glass house.
[ considering he killed mahito last week for his medicine. ]
...From the beginning, I didn't trust any of you, but was forced into a position of openness based on what you all knew. If there was anyone, it - [ it was you, you were the one i trusted, he starts - and then stops, and shakes his head. that feeling resonates again, a tiny flicker of vulnerability, before he continues. ]
...you've always preferred it when I called you by your name, until just now. I don't think you can obfuscate what's been done behind the title. [ the words come down seriously, harsh. ] Both Wrath and Lup are the ones who brought me here to kill me.
[ a pause. ] But. Since arriving, Wrath and Lup are the ones who have done everything in their power to save my life.
And Wrath, and Lup, are the ones who told me they loved me, and meant it.
[ and there's just - there's that same, normal affection, there. it's wrapped in hurt, a fluttering, vulnerable thing, but it hasn't gone.
that fierce determination follows, though, never stopping. a low, simmering anger, but there's a better target for fury than the Avatars themselves, right now. ]
I'm not going to accept rolling over on my back like a piece of pork for that thing's dinner. I refuse to just accept defeat when I'm only just now learning the conditions, and the rest of us are, I'm sure, the same. I have no intention of collecting a half hearted victory. It is all or nothing, and that includes you all. It especially includes you.
If you don't know how much else you can do, if you regret it, then it's time to shed some light on the darkness and let us at least try. The group we have left isn't half bad at solving things, when we want to be.
[well. it's not like she doesn't deserve it. she flinches. you brought me here to kill me.
she's quiet, everything in her screaming. fighting for some semblance of sanity. she's overwhelmed, but she won't cry this time. she isn't going to make him reach out and comfort her, not now, not like this. it's a close thing when he says wrath, and lup, are the ones who told me they loved me, and meant it - because it's true, she did. but he never said it back, and she's gunshy, embarrassed, ashamed all in one, emotions boiling under the surface.
scolded, and indignant because of that scolding, a kneejerk reaction.]
I didn't bring you here. [she corrects, but - doesn't fight. it all boils down to the same thing. silence, then:] I don't want any of you to roll over. I'll help as much as I can, but I'm going to be stopped.
It won't stop me from trying. You just should know that I'm not resisting because I want to.
[ he takes a moment to consider her answer, thoughtful, to consider her emotions, too. his hand hasn't left hers, even as she flinched, and it stays now, too, settling into a soft neutrality. ]
he doesn't say it. but the emotional equivalent of 'tch' crosses between them anyway. the two missing names are the two he's expecting, and no amount of affection that lup has for despair would change anything. not surprising. ]
That's what I expected. Qingxuan can likely be of use in working with Sloth and Envy. Let us focus on them and don't put yourself out there too much.
[ he glances away for a moment, thinking. ] I made a remark about killing it, and you panicked, earlier this week. What happens if it dies?
We're not -- [she starts, hair flaring a little, but she shuts her mouth. protectiveness rises up in her throat and burns furiously, and she won't apologize for that.
her mouth works.]
I don't know what happens, but seeing as we've been connected to it for months I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be a good result for me.
That's true. [ with a soft huff, a little humorless. it's a little apologetic, despite the high tension. ] I'm not assuming that you're sitting on a magic answer.
[ that's. kind of why they're in this situation in the first place! so. ]
Right. It's capable of [ emotionally, she can probably feel him roll his eyes ] speech, now. [ uwu ]
Those scans that Sasazuka and Mineo saw were set in September, December, and March. December is when everything began to accelerate, right? Based on what you told me, and the letter.
[ he does glance over to her as she looks away, briefly. ] Mm. And then we arrived in February.
[ thoughtfulness settles over his expression, and he takes note of the anxiety, for the moment; his thumb eventually strokes over the side of her hand. ]
... Can you tell me what happened, in the time between?
[it helps, but it's probably clear that she's scared.]
We got things ready. We didn't know people were coming until... I don't know. Time blurs together. We didn't know immediately that you guys were coming. And we started changing then.
[ ... it's the fear that gets some of that serious, businesslike emotion to waver. ultimately, under that iron exterior, he softens, and steps closer again, almost instinctively. protectively so. seems that hasn't changed either. ]
Everything helps, Lup. Every bit of information. [ you're doing well. it's helping. she's helping, even if it's terrifying, it's a start. ] To clarify, when we arrived was when you all started changing, or when you knew we were coming?
...Could it be that thing - this place - is only meant to support a specific amount of people at a time? [ thinking... ]
Xiaohei. [ he murmurs, the little nickname. ] Milk name - little ugly.
[ there's a little more of his usual humor to that, even if things are still tense.]
Alright. So, the trick will be to find some way to feed it - to keep it satisfied, like you all have been. [ a difficult, tricky dilemma - he doesn't think it's going to be easy. ] That was what the group that went to investigate dealt with, too - and then meimei and the others saw it on theirs, as well.
... Does it have to do with your Fridays, too? [ he reaches up, absently, and touches the back of his own neck. ]
I thought you guys knew that already. Yuri already ran into Greed's space and demanded they show him their neck. [she seems distinctly annoyed about this.] It's why I'm tired on Fridays. Or any other time that it decides it wants to chew on me.
[a bit of hesitance, and then:] When I was a monster - when I lost it after you went missing, I went to demand information. That was my consequence.
[ yuri... gu yun doesn't quite wince, but his brow twitches. way to handle that with a lack of subtlety.
... the second part gets him, though - there's a swoosh of something in his emotions that gives away his serious, unchanging expression. it's guilt, but then beyond that, there's something else, a vulnerable, sudden fear, a gnawing anxiety in his stomach. it was the same way he felt when molly came back with that golf club in his chest. ]
...Lup. [ he says, softly, and this time, he reaches out and takes her other hand. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I just haven't ever had a reason to doubt that. I don't have one now, either.
[ gu yun absolutely does notice the cracks - with his sight strong, it's impossible not to. there's a pause in his emotions, and the worry flares again, obvious and strong, before he sighs, quietly, a sense of tiredness joining it.
he squeezes lup's hand, though, and finds a newly opened crack to run his thumb over it, unworried about any heat, but doesn't take the immediate change in topic. ]
Lup, how do you all get to go home?
no subject
I don't know. [that's honest. it's very honest, desperately so.] I don't know. But I have to. My brother - my heart. He's going to die if I don't get back.
[but her resolve falters there, and he can probably feel it.]
no subject
he can feel the desperation, too, though. and desperation - desperation's a powerful motivator. love is, too. his emotions shift and roil even if his expression never once changes, from recognition to a fierce empathy. he's going to die if i don't get back. he thinks of a young man, the wide eyed fourteen year old he left behind.
again.
his brows furrow, and questions start coming to the surface - gu yun takes the moment to sort through them all. there's no doubt coming off of him, certainly not in that regard. lup's love for her brother. hell, he's felt it. ]
... Lup. [ quietly. ]
You all have known about that thing -- Xiaohei -- [ the little nickname from the other night for the creature. ] -- since the beginning. Haven't you?
[ he's perfectly calm - his emotions stay that way, too, but there's something underneath it that feels like concern, and that same guarded vulnerability, so, so tender. it's harder to mask during a week where their emotions are spread out like dinner plates. ]
no subject
Don't - I'm Wrath. [she can't be lup, it's too - he can probably feel the dissonance she feels, this conversation and being lup, being her, it feels like ramming into an electric fence when she gets too close to it. it hurts. she has to be wrath, to protect any sort of part of herself.]
I've known about it from the start. Yes.
no subject
his hand squeezes against hers. not tighter. just. holding on, and for a minute, it twinges of a tiny bit of desperation, too. not for an answer, but for something else entirely. there's another flicker of emotion, like a massive, complicated tangle of feelings, but then it's just -- gone. shut off like a tap. ]
...Were you all planning on throwing us to the wolves to keep it fed?
no subject
Yes. [... grief, guilt, desperation - all kept out of her voice.] But I don't want to. I would rather offer myself.
[what she wants isn't worth this.]
no subject
there's just...
recognition, really. he's not surprised. maybe that's the worst part. ]
... You know if we can help you, those of us that remain, we will. If we can find another way, we'll find it. [ that determination remains - iron strong. ] But you all have to be honest with us.
no subject
[she sounds... confused.] ... I don't - I haven't wanted to lie to you. It doesn't change what has happened, I'm aware. But you know... you know I'm always looking for a third option.
I don't know how much else I can do. If there is another way. We lost control a long time ago.
no subject
he's quiet for a second longer. ]
At the beginning of all of this, you asked me if you seemed like a murderer. Do you remember that?
[ back the week that fukuda talked shit!! ] And I told you that measuring someone by their aspect was foolish. That many of the participants among us failed to separate title from name, job from person, when it came to you all. [ and doesn't he know it? the marquis of order, gu yun, who barely knows who gu yun is. ]
While it wasn't a duty - [ and here, there's an almost flash of something more vulnerable, again, something hurt, but it's barely a second long. ] - there is often a difference between what has to be done, and what you want to do, or at least, what you regret. You all are, ultimately, living creatures of some kind, and living creatures are selfish, but I also can't throw a stone from a glass house.
[ considering he killed mahito last week for his medicine. ]
...From the beginning, I didn't trust any of you, but was forced into a position of openness based on what you all knew. If there was anyone, it - [ it was you, you were the one i trusted, he starts - and then stops, and shakes his head. that feeling resonates again, a tiny flicker of vulnerability, before he continues. ]
...you've always preferred it when I called you by your name, until just now. I don't think you can obfuscate what's been done behind the title. [ the words come down seriously, harsh. ] Both Wrath and Lup are the ones who brought me here to kill me.
[ a pause. ] But. Since arriving, Wrath and Lup are the ones who have done everything in their power to save my life.
And Wrath, and Lup, are the ones who told me they loved me, and meant it.
[ and there's just - there's that same, normal affection, there. it's wrapped in hurt, a fluttering, vulnerable thing, but it hasn't gone.
that fierce determination follows, though, never stopping. a low, simmering anger, but there's a better target for fury than the Avatars themselves, right now. ]
I'm not going to accept rolling over on my back like a piece of pork for that thing's dinner. I refuse to just accept defeat when I'm only just now learning the conditions, and the rest of us are, I'm sure, the same. I have no intention of collecting a half hearted victory. It is all or nothing, and that includes you all. It especially includes you.
If you don't know how much else you can do, if you regret it, then it's time to shed some light on the darkness and let us at least try. The group we have left isn't half bad at solving things, when we want to be.
no subject
she's quiet, everything in her screaming. fighting for some semblance of sanity. she's overwhelmed, but she won't cry this time. she isn't going to make him reach out and comfort her, not now, not like this. it's a close thing when he says wrath, and lup, are the ones who told me they loved me, and meant it - because it's true, she did. but he never said it back, and she's gunshy, embarrassed, ashamed all in one, emotions boiling under the surface.
scolded, and indignant because of that scolding, a kneejerk reaction.]
I didn't bring you here. [she corrects, but - doesn't fight. it all boils down to the same thing. silence, then:] I don't want any of you to roll over. I'll help as much as I can, but I'm going to be stopped.
It won't stop me from trying. You just should know that I'm not resisting because I want to.
no subject
Who of the others is going to want to help?
no subject
[a jagged shiver of unease. she knows who that list is missing and it kills her a little.]
no subject
he doesn't say it. but the emotional equivalent of 'tch' crosses between them anyway. the two missing names are the two he's expecting, and no amount of affection that lup has for despair would change anything. not surprising. ]
That's what I expected. Qingxuan can likely be of use in working with Sloth and Envy. Let us focus on them and don't put yourself out there too much.
[ he glances away for a moment, thinking. ] I made a remark about killing it, and you panicked, earlier this week. What happens if it dies?
no subject
We're not -- [she starts, hair flaring a little, but she shuts her mouth. protectiveness rises up in her throat and burns furiously, and she won't apologize for that.
her mouth works.]
I don't know what happens, but seeing as we've been connected to it for months I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be a good result for me.
no subject
[ he feels the protectiveness, the anger, but is focused in on business, now - steady and calm, despite everything. ]
Did its growth stop when the numbers went down? Between your all's time here first, and between our arrival?
no subject
[frustration, bashing up against that steady calm.]
It's been growing steadily. You've all seen that.
no subject
[ that's. kind of why they're in this situation in the first place! so. ]
Right. It's capable of [ emotionally, she can probably feel him roll his eyes ] speech, now. [ uwu ]
Those scans that Sasazuka and Mineo saw were set in September, December, and March. December is when everything began to accelerate, right? Based on what you told me, and the letter.
no subject
Yes. That's right. [her anxiety is slowly growing as they talk.]
no subject
[ thoughtfulness settles over his expression, and he takes note of the anxiety, for the moment; his thumb eventually strokes over the side of her hand. ]
... Can you tell me what happened, in the time between?
no subject
We got things ready. We didn't know people were coming until... I don't know. Time blurs together. We didn't know immediately that you guys were coming. And we started changing then.
no subject
Everything helps, Lup. Every bit of information. [ you're doing well. it's helping. she's helping, even if it's terrifying, it's a start. ] To clarify, when we arrived was when you all started changing, or when you knew we were coming?
...Could it be that thing - this place - is only meant to support a specific amount of people at a time? [ thinking... ]
no subject
When we knew you were coming. [...] No. I don't think it's that. It's just getting more and more powerful.
The station itself is less important than the -- um. [you know. a burst of fear.]
no subject
[ there's a little more of his usual humor to that, even if things are still tense.]
Alright. So, the trick will be to find some way to feed it - to keep it satisfied, like you all have been. [ a difficult, tricky dilemma - he doesn't think it's going to be easy. ] That was what the group that went to investigate dealt with, too - and then meimei and the others saw it on theirs, as well.
... Does it have to do with your Fridays, too? [ he reaches up, absently, and touches the back of his own neck. ]
no subject
I thought you guys knew that already. Yuri already ran into Greed's space and demanded they show him their neck. [she seems distinctly annoyed about this.] It's why I'm tired on Fridays. Or any other time that it decides it wants to chew on me.
[a bit of hesitance, and then:] When I was a monster - when I lost it after you went missing, I went to demand information. That was my consequence.
no subject
... the second part gets him, though - there's a swoosh of something in his emotions that gives away his serious, unchanging expression. it's guilt, but then beyond that, there's something else, a vulnerable, sudden fear, a gnawing anxiety in his stomach. it was the same way he felt when molly came back with that golf club in his chest. ]
...Lup. [ he says, softly, and this time, he reaches out and takes her other hand. ]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)