[there's this tiny fear, under everything. a tiny, wailing thing. despair.
but she nods.]
Not everybody is going to... be forgiving. And I don't expect them to be. In fact, I'd be surprised if people weren't racing to throw us to the wolves and like, I can't blame them. [she's so, so tired. her energy just leeches out of her.]
It can be your last resort, but it might not be someone else's.
[ it's like iron, again. the ice cold of a dark armor at the northern border. ]
Someone else will be climbing over my dead body if that's the case.
[ he's just radiating that fierce energy from before - the kind he had at misa's execution, the kind he had during his little trip. spine of iron, heart softer than cotton. ]
his emotions are a whirlwind, for a moment, and eventually, he reaches up and pinches the space between his eyebrows, then scrubs his hand down his face. it all melts out of him into just a bone deep exhaustion. they have roughly a week to figure this out, as far as he can tell, so - they'll figure it out. ]
... Let's just find a way to solve this with as little bloodshed as possible. [ there's no panic, this time. there's hardly energy for it. ] We can worry about apologies, later.
[ ...
eventually, though, he steps forward, and - though he's frustrated and exhausted and buzzing a little himself - leans forward, and bonks his forehead against lup's. it's probably a little harder than necessary but that's ok. she does kind of deserve it just a little bit. ]
...Telling me things like you want me to know how much you care, and then asking me why I'd want to help you. Of course I'm angry - I'm not - [ yeah he's still bad at this actually never mind ] - I'm not heartless.
[ if he was, he'd maybe not care nearly so much. if he was, maybe the knot of anxiety in his chest would loosen. if he was, maybe he wouldn't have been instantly, viscerally horrified at the idea that she presented. ]
[another sniff. she winces, a little, at the bonk, but she takes it.
carefully, she brings her hand up to stroke his cheek with her thumb. it's not even sad tears, for her, it's just exhaustion. she's wrung out. relieved, maybe. relieved that it isn't a secret, that she knows that he isn't utterly repulsed.
shivery, childish hope curls up in her, and she holds onto it the best she can.]
You're within your rights to be. [she tells him, but she's not going to press on this, because it's not her intention to make him feel sorry for her. instead, she cautiously reaches to stroke his hair back, and - if he's wearing it - run her fingers over the pin.]
So much for spring. [a hint of very tired amusement.]
[ he never, ever takes that pin off, so. there's no rejection from the touch, not the one on his cheek, not the one in his hair, no shoving away, and though there's a line of that ever present tension in his back, maybe fiercer than it has been in a while, gu yun's shoulders slump a little.
after a long moment, he lifts an arm to slide it around her, fingers curling gently in the fabric at her back. ]
The phrase does imply it's a place that can't be found again. [ there's some wryness to that, too, a little darkly at first, but it fades for the second part. ] Flowers that bloom from adversity are the most beautiful ones of all.
[she's careful with the way she moves, only reacting. when he slides an arm around her, she leans into it. his wryness gets her to wilt a little on the inside, but she doesn't say anything about it.]
I like the sentiment. [a weak tease.] But I think I'm more like a fish. Delicate enough that if you stress me out too bad, I die.
You are far too pretty to be a fish. [ a beat ] And besides, fish hate me, so that's out of the question.
[ pours one out for the koi fish
but also creatures just hate gu yun in general. maybe if xiaohei decides to eat gu yun he'll keel over from gu yun's poison blood! that's probably not a good thought to voice out loud, though. it's alright, if lup leans into him; his other arm comes to join the second, and he just holds her, slowly letting some of his rankled emotions settle. ]
[ i fell asleep writing this tag so i guess there really was no vore talk on flurryday
that gets him to laugh, actually?? jesus. it's probably a pride indulgence but it's also just kind of funny. ] Oh, I can assure you, there are plenty of things that hate me. Animals and people alike.
[ the entirety of the northern tribes, for example! the big hat western man! lots of people.
there are still questions he has to ask, but, as her anxiety fades a bit, gu yun stays settled. his emotions are still a swirling storm under all of that more familiar, light hearted cheer, but he seems to be alright in being something steady to lean on, for the moment. ]
[she'll stay there for as long as he lets her, silent, evening out. the swirl of emotion in him makes it that she can't really truly relax very well, but... she tries.
again it's mostly just numbness, and... acceptance? a gritted teeth sort of feeling.]
[ it's relatable, honestly. acceptance is the way to feel, at the moment, because it's all he really has, too. like so many things in life, it just has to happen - the bed's already been made.
there's a long ten minutes of quiet before he manages to push whatever he's feeling out of the way and focus again, closing his eyes and then opening them to turn that emotional tap again. ]
We'll achieve the impossible, somehow. I won't do anything less.
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but she nods.]
Not everybody is going to... be forgiving. And I don't expect them to be. In fact, I'd be surprised if people weren't racing to throw us to the wolves and like, I can't blame them. [she's so, so tired. her energy just leeches out of her.]
It can be your last resort, but it might not be someone else's.
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Someone else will be climbing over my dead body if that's the case.
[ he's just radiating that fierce energy from before - the kind he had at misa's execution, the kind he had during his little trip. spine of iron, heart softer than cotton. ]
I'm not leaving you behind.
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she has to pull her hand away from his so she can brush at her eyes, but considering her tears are lava it's like. hard to hide.]
I'm sorry. [she says after a moment, with a sniff.] I'm sorry, Zixi.
[if she's still allowed to call him that, anyway.]
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his emotions are a whirlwind, for a moment, and eventually, he reaches up and pinches the space between his eyebrows, then scrubs his hand down his face. it all melts out of him into just a bone deep exhaustion. they have roughly a week to figure this out, as far as he can tell, so - they'll figure it out. ]
... Let's just find a way to solve this with as little bloodshed as possible. [ there's no panic, this time. there's hardly energy for it. ] We can worry about apologies, later.
[ ...
eventually, though, he steps forward, and - though he's frustrated and exhausted and buzzing a little himself - leans forward, and bonks his forehead against lup's. it's probably a little harder than necessary but that's ok. she does kind of deserve it just a little bit. ]
...Telling me things like you want me to know how much you care, and then asking me why I'd want to help you. Of course I'm angry - I'm not - [ yeah he's still bad at this actually never mind ] - I'm not heartless.
[ if he was, he'd maybe not care nearly so much. if he was, maybe the knot of anxiety in his chest would loosen. if he was, maybe he wouldn't have been instantly, viscerally horrified at the idea that she presented. ]
no subject
carefully, she brings her hand up to stroke his cheek with her thumb. it's not even sad tears, for her, it's just exhaustion. she's wrung out. relieved, maybe. relieved that it isn't a secret, that she knows that he isn't utterly repulsed.
shivery, childish hope curls up in her, and she holds onto it the best she can.]
You're within your rights to be. [she tells him, but she's not going to press on this, because it's not her intention to make him feel sorry for her. instead, she cautiously reaches to stroke his hair back, and - if he's wearing it - run her fingers over the pin.]
So much for spring. [a hint of very tired amusement.]
no subject
after a long moment, he lifts an arm to slide it around her, fingers curling gently in the fabric at her back. ]
The phrase does imply it's a place that can't be found again. [ there's some wryness to that, too, a little darkly at first, but it fades for the second part. ] Flowers that bloom from adversity are the most beautiful ones of all.
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I like the sentiment. [a weak tease.] But I think I'm more like a fish. Delicate enough that if you stress me out too bad, I die.
[jokes, jokes.]
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You are far too pretty to be a fish. [ a beat ] And besides, fish hate me, so that's out of the question.
[ pours one out for the koi fish
but also creatures just hate gu yun in general. maybe if xiaohei decides to eat gu yun he'll keel over from gu yun's poison blood! that's probably not a good thought to voice out loud, though. it's alright, if lup leans into him; his other arm comes to join the second, and he just holds her, slowly letting some of his rankled emotions settle. ]
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anyway when he brings his other arm up, she just sinks into him and closes her eyes, resting her head on his shoulder.]
Hard to believe anything could hate you. [does that count as giving him a pride indulgence
she's also slowly settling into something a little more relaxed. that low, thrumming anxiety has eased. mostly she's numb.]
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that gets him to laugh, actually?? jesus. it's probably a pride indulgence but it's also just kind of funny. ] Oh, I can assure you, there are plenty of things that hate me. Animals and people alike.
[ the entirety of the northern tribes, for example! the big hat western man! lots of people.
there are still questions he has to ask, but, as her anxiety fades a bit, gu yun stays settled. his emotions are still a swirling storm under all of that more familiar, light hearted cheer, but he seems to be alright in being something steady to lean on, for the moment. ]
no subject
again it's mostly just numbness, and... acceptance? a gritted teeth sort of feeling.]
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there's a long ten minutes of quiet before he manages to push whatever he's feeling out of the way and focus again, closing his eyes and then opening them to turn that emotional tap again. ]
We'll achieve the impossible, somehow. I won't do anything less.