he doesn't say it. but the emotional equivalent of 'tch' crosses between them anyway. the two missing names are the two he's expecting, and no amount of affection that lup has for despair would change anything. not surprising. ]
That's what I expected. Qingxuan can likely be of use in working with Sloth and Envy. Let us focus on them and don't put yourself out there too much.
[ he glances away for a moment, thinking. ] I made a remark about killing it, and you panicked, earlier this week. What happens if it dies?
We're not -- [she starts, hair flaring a little, but she shuts her mouth. protectiveness rises up in her throat and burns furiously, and she won't apologize for that.
her mouth works.]
I don't know what happens, but seeing as we've been connected to it for months I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be a good result for me.
That's true. [ with a soft huff, a little humorless. it's a little apologetic, despite the high tension. ] I'm not assuming that you're sitting on a magic answer.
[ that's. kind of why they're in this situation in the first place! so. ]
Right. It's capable of [ emotionally, she can probably feel him roll his eyes ] speech, now. [ uwu ]
Those scans that Sasazuka and Mineo saw were set in September, December, and March. December is when everything began to accelerate, right? Based on what you told me, and the letter.
[ he does glance over to her as she looks away, briefly. ] Mm. And then we arrived in February.
[ thoughtfulness settles over his expression, and he takes note of the anxiety, for the moment; his thumb eventually strokes over the side of her hand. ]
... Can you tell me what happened, in the time between?
[it helps, but it's probably clear that she's scared.]
We got things ready. We didn't know people were coming until... I don't know. Time blurs together. We didn't know immediately that you guys were coming. And we started changing then.
[ ... it's the fear that gets some of that serious, businesslike emotion to waver. ultimately, under that iron exterior, he softens, and steps closer again, almost instinctively. protectively so. seems that hasn't changed either. ]
Everything helps, Lup. Every bit of information. [ you're doing well. it's helping. she's helping, even if it's terrifying, it's a start. ] To clarify, when we arrived was when you all started changing, or when you knew we were coming?
...Could it be that thing - this place - is only meant to support a specific amount of people at a time? [ thinking... ]
Xiaohei. [ he murmurs, the little nickname. ] Milk name - little ugly.
[ there's a little more of his usual humor to that, even if things are still tense.]
Alright. So, the trick will be to find some way to feed it - to keep it satisfied, like you all have been. [ a difficult, tricky dilemma - he doesn't think it's going to be easy. ] That was what the group that went to investigate dealt with, too - and then meimei and the others saw it on theirs, as well.
... Does it have to do with your Fridays, too? [ he reaches up, absently, and touches the back of his own neck. ]
I thought you guys knew that already. Yuri already ran into Greed's space and demanded they show him their neck. [she seems distinctly annoyed about this.] It's why I'm tired on Fridays. Or any other time that it decides it wants to chew on me.
[a bit of hesitance, and then:] When I was a monster - when I lost it after you went missing, I went to demand information. That was my consequence.
[ yuri... gu yun doesn't quite wince, but his brow twitches. way to handle that with a lack of subtlety.
... the second part gets him, though - there's a swoosh of something in his emotions that gives away his serious, unchanging expression. it's guilt, but then beyond that, there's something else, a vulnerable, sudden fear, a gnawing anxiety in his stomach. it was the same way he felt when molly came back with that golf club in his chest. ]
...Lup. [ he says, softly, and this time, he reaches out and takes her other hand. ]
I think. [she says, after a moment, with a sort of resolve that she was missing earlier.] I think that if it comes to it, and all of you need to sacrifice something to get out of here safely, it should be me.
I know you're not going to like that answer, but keep it in mind as a last resort. The others have things they need to go back to, and I'm dead. It won't make a difference.
[there's a twist of pain, here, but the resolve doesn't shake.]
[ oh he sure fucking doesn't like that answer, nope!!!! ]
Why you? [ it comes out fiercer than he initially intends it to, but it doesn't matter, the words already out of his mouth - the emotion like a whip, the giant red x of no, absolutely not that comes out of his feelings, combined with another swoop of that anxiety. ] Because you want to help? How does that make any sense at all, Lup, why would you be taking on the punishment for something a group of people did alone?
[she doesn't flinch, this time, resolve sharpening.]
Because I can't watch the other Avatars get punished for desperately wanting their happy endings. [she snaps. that protectiveness rises, overwhelms.] I don't want to die. But I would rather it be me than watch Lust, or Despair, or any of them lose their chance to live.
some of the emotion drops back from its fierceness, momentarily stunned by the information, and the surprise registers across his face, before it folds into something else.
that.. irrationally, that pisses him off, too, that - he can't linger on it, why or how, or is that what you wished for, can't say things like i don't want to lose you, because - wouldn't he do the same? but he couldn't. not here, not for anything, not --
(the way lup reacted when she got back that hat was so visceral, it's stuck with him for weeks. it reminded him of a winter, what feels like decades ago, and the memory shared with him too, intense and fierce and unlike anything he'd known. it won't go, now. so make him remember, but that probably isn't possible, is it.)
[there's this tiny fear, under everything. a tiny, wailing thing. despair.
but she nods.]
Not everybody is going to... be forgiving. And I don't expect them to be. In fact, I'd be surprised if people weren't racing to throw us to the wolves and like, I can't blame them. [she's so, so tired. her energy just leeches out of her.]
It can be your last resort, but it might not be someone else's.
[ it's like iron, again. the ice cold of a dark armor at the northern border. ]
Someone else will be climbing over my dead body if that's the case.
[ he's just radiating that fierce energy from before - the kind he had at misa's execution, the kind he had during his little trip. spine of iron, heart softer than cotton. ]
his emotions are a whirlwind, for a moment, and eventually, he reaches up and pinches the space between his eyebrows, then scrubs his hand down his face. it all melts out of him into just a bone deep exhaustion. they have roughly a week to figure this out, as far as he can tell, so - they'll figure it out. ]
... Let's just find a way to solve this with as little bloodshed as possible. [ there's no panic, this time. there's hardly energy for it. ] We can worry about apologies, later.
[ ...
eventually, though, he steps forward, and - though he's frustrated and exhausted and buzzing a little himself - leans forward, and bonks his forehead against lup's. it's probably a little harder than necessary but that's ok. she does kind of deserve it just a little bit. ]
...Telling me things like you want me to know how much you care, and then asking me why I'd want to help you. Of course I'm angry - I'm not - [ yeah he's still bad at this actually never mind ] - I'm not heartless.
[ if he was, he'd maybe not care nearly so much. if he was, maybe the knot of anxiety in his chest would loosen. if he was, maybe he wouldn't have been instantly, viscerally horrified at the idea that she presented. ]
[another sniff. she winces, a little, at the bonk, but she takes it.
carefully, she brings her hand up to stroke his cheek with her thumb. it's not even sad tears, for her, it's just exhaustion. she's wrung out. relieved, maybe. relieved that it isn't a secret, that she knows that he isn't utterly repulsed.
shivery, childish hope curls up in her, and she holds onto it the best she can.]
You're within your rights to be. [she tells him, but she's not going to press on this, because it's not her intention to make him feel sorry for her. instead, she cautiously reaches to stroke his hair back, and - if he's wearing it - run her fingers over the pin.]
So much for spring. [a hint of very tired amusement.]
[ he never, ever takes that pin off, so. there's no rejection from the touch, not the one on his cheek, not the one in his hair, no shoving away, and though there's a line of that ever present tension in his back, maybe fiercer than it has been in a while, gu yun's shoulders slump a little.
after a long moment, he lifts an arm to slide it around her, fingers curling gently in the fabric at her back. ]
The phrase does imply it's a place that can't be found again. [ there's some wryness to that, too, a little darkly at first, but it fades for the second part. ] Flowers that bloom from adversity are the most beautiful ones of all.
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he doesn't say it. but the emotional equivalent of 'tch' crosses between them anyway. the two missing names are the two he's expecting, and no amount of affection that lup has for despair would change anything. not surprising. ]
That's what I expected. Qingxuan can likely be of use in working with Sloth and Envy. Let us focus on them and don't put yourself out there too much.
[ he glances away for a moment, thinking. ] I made a remark about killing it, and you panicked, earlier this week. What happens if it dies?
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We're not -- [she starts, hair flaring a little, but she shuts her mouth. protectiveness rises up in her throat and burns furiously, and she won't apologize for that.
her mouth works.]
I don't know what happens, but seeing as we've been connected to it for months I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be a good result for me.
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[ he feels the protectiveness, the anger, but is focused in on business, now - steady and calm, despite everything. ]
Did its growth stop when the numbers went down? Between your all's time here first, and between our arrival?
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[frustration, bashing up against that steady calm.]
It's been growing steadily. You've all seen that.
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[ that's. kind of why they're in this situation in the first place! so. ]
Right. It's capable of [ emotionally, she can probably feel him roll his eyes ] speech, now. [ uwu ]
Those scans that Sasazuka and Mineo saw were set in September, December, and March. December is when everything began to accelerate, right? Based on what you told me, and the letter.
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Yes. That's right. [her anxiety is slowly growing as they talk.]
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[ thoughtfulness settles over his expression, and he takes note of the anxiety, for the moment; his thumb eventually strokes over the side of her hand. ]
... Can you tell me what happened, in the time between?
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We got things ready. We didn't know people were coming until... I don't know. Time blurs together. We didn't know immediately that you guys were coming. And we started changing then.
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Everything helps, Lup. Every bit of information. [ you're doing well. it's helping. she's helping, even if it's terrifying, it's a start. ] To clarify, when we arrived was when you all started changing, or when you knew we were coming?
...Could it be that thing - this place - is only meant to support a specific amount of people at a time? [ thinking... ]
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When we knew you were coming. [...] No. I don't think it's that. It's just getting more and more powerful.
The station itself is less important than the -- um. [you know. a burst of fear.]
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[ there's a little more of his usual humor to that, even if things are still tense.]
Alright. So, the trick will be to find some way to feed it - to keep it satisfied, like you all have been. [ a difficult, tricky dilemma - he doesn't think it's going to be easy. ] That was what the group that went to investigate dealt with, too - and then meimei and the others saw it on theirs, as well.
... Does it have to do with your Fridays, too? [ he reaches up, absently, and touches the back of his own neck. ]
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I thought you guys knew that already. Yuri already ran into Greed's space and demanded they show him their neck. [she seems distinctly annoyed about this.] It's why I'm tired on Fridays. Or any other time that it decides it wants to chew on me.
[a bit of hesitance, and then:] When I was a monster - when I lost it after you went missing, I went to demand information. That was my consequence.
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... the second part gets him, though - there's a swoosh of something in his emotions that gives away his serious, unchanging expression. it's guilt, but then beyond that, there's something else, a vulnerable, sudden fear, a gnawing anxiety in his stomach. it was the same way he felt when molly came back with that golf club in his chest. ]
...Lup. [ he says, softly, and this time, he reaches out and takes her other hand. ]
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I think. [she says, after a moment, with a sort of resolve that she was missing earlier.] I think that if it comes to it, and all of you need to sacrifice something to get out of here safely, it should be me.
I know you're not going to like that answer, but keep it in mind as a last resort. The others have things they need to go back to, and I'm dead. It won't make a difference.
[there's a twist of pain, here, but the resolve doesn't shake.]
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Why you? [ it comes out fiercer than he initially intends it to, but it doesn't matter, the words already out of his mouth - the emotion like a whip, the giant red x of no, absolutely not that comes out of his feelings, combined with another swoop of that anxiety. ] Because you want to help? How does that make any sense at all, Lup, why would you be taking on the punishment for something a group of people did alone?
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Because I can't watch the other Avatars get punished for desperately wanting their happy endings. [she snaps. that protectiveness rises, overwhelms.] I don't want to die. But I would rather it be me than watch Lust, or Despair, or any of them lose their chance to live.
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And your brother?
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He doesn't remember me.
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magic is such a complicated, horrible thing.
some of the emotion drops back from its fierceness, momentarily stunned by the information, and the surprise registers across his face, before it folds into something else.
that.. irrationally, that pisses him off, too, that - he can't linger on it, why or how, or is that what you wished for, can't say things like i don't want to lose you, because - wouldn't he do the same? but he couldn't. not here, not for anything, not --
(the way lup reacted when she got back that hat was so visceral, it's stuck with him for weeks. it reminded him of a winter, what feels like decades ago, and the memory shared with him too, intense and fierce and unlike anything he'd known. it won't go, now. so make him remember, but that probably isn't possible, is it.)
he takes a deep breath. ]
... Last resort. Last.
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but she nods.]
Not everybody is going to... be forgiving. And I don't expect them to be. In fact, I'd be surprised if people weren't racing to throw us to the wolves and like, I can't blame them. [she's so, so tired. her energy just leeches out of her.]
It can be your last resort, but it might not be someone else's.
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Someone else will be climbing over my dead body if that's the case.
[ he's just radiating that fierce energy from before - the kind he had at misa's execution, the kind he had during his little trip. spine of iron, heart softer than cotton. ]
I'm not leaving you behind.
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she has to pull her hand away from his so she can brush at her eyes, but considering her tears are lava it's like. hard to hide.]
I'm sorry. [she says after a moment, with a sniff.] I'm sorry, Zixi.
[if she's still allowed to call him that, anyway.]
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his emotions are a whirlwind, for a moment, and eventually, he reaches up and pinches the space between his eyebrows, then scrubs his hand down his face. it all melts out of him into just a bone deep exhaustion. they have roughly a week to figure this out, as far as he can tell, so - they'll figure it out. ]
... Let's just find a way to solve this with as little bloodshed as possible. [ there's no panic, this time. there's hardly energy for it. ] We can worry about apologies, later.
[ ...
eventually, though, he steps forward, and - though he's frustrated and exhausted and buzzing a little himself - leans forward, and bonks his forehead against lup's. it's probably a little harder than necessary but that's ok. she does kind of deserve it just a little bit. ]
...Telling me things like you want me to know how much you care, and then asking me why I'd want to help you. Of course I'm angry - I'm not - [ yeah he's still bad at this actually never mind ] - I'm not heartless.
[ if he was, he'd maybe not care nearly so much. if he was, maybe the knot of anxiety in his chest would loosen. if he was, maybe he wouldn't have been instantly, viscerally horrified at the idea that she presented. ]
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carefully, she brings her hand up to stroke his cheek with her thumb. it's not even sad tears, for her, it's just exhaustion. she's wrung out. relieved, maybe. relieved that it isn't a secret, that she knows that he isn't utterly repulsed.
shivery, childish hope curls up in her, and she holds onto it the best she can.]
You're within your rights to be. [she tells him, but she's not going to press on this, because it's not her intention to make him feel sorry for her. instead, she cautiously reaches to stroke his hair back, and - if he's wearing it - run her fingers over the pin.]
So much for spring. [a hint of very tired amusement.]
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after a long moment, he lifts an arm to slide it around her, fingers curling gently in the fabric at her back. ]
The phrase does imply it's a place that can't be found again. [ there's some wryness to that, too, a little darkly at first, but it fades for the second part. ] Flowers that bloom from adversity are the most beautiful ones of all.
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