Audience: Grace Monroe

[probe]

Comments

[probe]

That's why I kind of try to not do it, you know? I don't want to freak you guys out but sometimes I'm curious.

[a pause.] Okay, uh, explain the infinite train.

[alteracion]

It's a train to nowhere and it makes no stops. There's always new cars being built, and each one is pretty much its own little world, so. Infinite train.

[ shrugs? like it's? no big deal? ]

There's only a few passengers that are picked up by the train, but everything on the train is made for passengers. So we're special.

[probe]

[eh. makes sense to them.]

Oh, rad. So you're one of them, then? What's your world like? Your train car or whatever.

[alteracion]

I'm a passenger, I can go wherever I want. Because I've got opposable thumbs. Doors are hard to open without them.

[ this is a real plot point for trains. ]

[probe]

Is that - a real problem? A lack of opposable thumbs?

[alteracion]

Yeah. Most train denizens are... talking objects or animals or sentient water. Stuff like that. It depends on what their car is like.

[probe]

That's, uh. Weird.

Are there not a lot of humans that are worthy enough for the crazy train, or what?

[alteracion]

Nope. [ a beat ] Though, I don't know for sure how many people get on the train. It's huge.

[probe]

Do you know what the point of the train is? [sorry for the third degree, they're just really fascinated.]

[alteracion]

[ she gestures to her arm where her number is. when it's not under a glove whatever ]

Every passenger gets a number. The better you are at the train, the higher your number gets. I met the conductor once, and he had the highest number of anyone I've ever seen.

[probe]

[o:]

Better at the train - like what, you can control it? Or navigate it? [this is so cool wtf]

[alteracion]

Pretty much! [ it was? an or question? but: ] We've gotten a super cool trick to navigating the train without having to go through all the cars one by one too. We've got magnetic grappling hook packs, and we just latch onto the top of the cars to get to where we want.

[probe]

Oh, rad! What the fuck!

[they want a grappling hook!] Man, that sounds like something I'd like to see.

[alteracion]

You have my permission to look through my stuff so you can see for yourself. It's really cool. They go super far, too. [ a beat and then, pensive: ] We did have to tell people not to point them at their faces, that's how Lucy lost an eye.

[probe]

Hell yeah. I'll probably peek in.

[...] That uh, wow. That sounds like my friends. The number of times I've had to tell them to not look down the barrel of a wand with several charges left.

[alteracion]

[ which fucking d&d character is this, i hate you. grace turns her head, puzzled ]

Like, magic wands? They have a limited number of charges? I thought those were just. You know. Magic.

[probe]

[what's d&d i've never heard of it]

Depends! Some have charges. Some don't. Sometimes it's a Wand of Smiles, sometimes it's like, a I Cast Fuck You wand. Yay magic.

[alteracion]

[ I HATE THIS ]

So there's not just one wand that does everything all the time?

[probe]

Nope! There are lots. [hehe]

[alteracion]

Okay, but now I have to know, what does a fuck you spell even do?

[probe]

Jesus, I don't know, it's such a broad description. Probably something terrible like putting lego in your shoes.

[alteracion]

Oooh, harsh. I don't think I've seen a wand car, but there's a tiny wizard car on the train? Those things are so weird. They're these weird bearded gnomes that can only say spell and eat rats.

[probe]

A - a what.

[they sound utterly delighted by this.] Tiny gnomes that cast spells? Take me home with you, holy shit. I have to see the Gnome Wizard Car.

[alteracion]

They're better outside their own cars. They're in some like, dark cave and when they're in there they immediately attack anyone who isn't a tiny wizard. It's annoying.

[ but clearly funny, so, sure, let's talk about the tiny wizard car ]

[probe]

See, that's what I Cast Fuck You is for. Explode a gnome.