Audience: Grace Monroe

[probe]

Comments

[probe]

That's, uh. Weird.

Are there not a lot of humans that are worthy enough for the crazy train, or what?

[alteracion]

Nope. [ a beat ] Though, I don't know for sure how many people get on the train. It's huge.

[probe]

Do you know what the point of the train is? [sorry for the third degree, they're just really fascinated.]

[alteracion]

[ she gestures to her arm where her number is. when it's not under a glove whatever ]

Every passenger gets a number. The better you are at the train, the higher your number gets. I met the conductor once, and he had the highest number of anyone I've ever seen.

[probe]

[o:]

Better at the train - like what, you can control it? Or navigate it? [this is so cool wtf]

[alteracion]

Pretty much! [ it was? an or question? but: ] We've gotten a super cool trick to navigating the train without having to go through all the cars one by one too. We've got magnetic grappling hook packs, and we just latch onto the top of the cars to get to where we want.

[probe]

Oh, rad! What the fuck!

[they want a grappling hook!] Man, that sounds like something I'd like to see.

[alteracion]

You have my permission to look through my stuff so you can see for yourself. It's really cool. They go super far, too. [ a beat and then, pensive: ] We did have to tell people not to point them at their faces, that's how Lucy lost an eye.

[probe]

Hell yeah. I'll probably peek in.

[...] That uh, wow. That sounds like my friends. The number of times I've had to tell them to not look down the barrel of a wand with several charges left.

[alteracion]

[ which fucking d&d character is this, i hate you. grace turns her head, puzzled ]

Like, magic wands? They have a limited number of charges? I thought those were just. You know. Magic.

[probe]

[what's d&d i've never heard of it]

Depends! Some have charges. Some don't. Sometimes it's a Wand of Smiles, sometimes it's like, a I Cast Fuck You wand. Yay magic.

[alteracion]

[ I HATE THIS ]

So there's not just one wand that does everything all the time?

[probe]

Nope! There are lots. [hehe]

[alteracion]

Okay, but now I have to know, what does a fuck you spell even do?

[probe]

Jesus, I don't know, it's such a broad description. Probably something terrible like putting lego in your shoes.

[alteracion]

Oooh, harsh. I don't think I've seen a wand car, but there's a tiny wizard car on the train? Those things are so weird. They're these weird bearded gnomes that can only say spell and eat rats.

[probe]

A - a what.

[they sound utterly delighted by this.] Tiny gnomes that cast spells? Take me home with you, holy shit. I have to see the Gnome Wizard Car.

[alteracion]

They're better outside their own cars. They're in some like, dark cave and when they're in there they immediately attack anyone who isn't a tiny wizard. It's annoying.

[ but clearly funny, so, sure, let's talk about the tiny wizard car ]

[probe]

See, that's what I Cast Fuck You is for. Explode a gnome.

[alteracion]

I thought it put legos in shoes?

[probe]

Exploding legos. [hehehe]

[alteracion]

That's like, way worse than what I thought it did? [ so why does she seem a little delighted about it. chaos rule. ] I just kick 'em if they try and start something.

[probe]

[they laugh.]

Just punt them! [...] Yeet.

[alteracion]

They can zap me all they want, I'm like, ten times taller than them. [ makes that like, golf swing motion ] Yeet.

[probe]

[gremlin cackling.]

Maybe when this whole thing is over I can come see. Think I'm worthy enough for The Train?