Audience: Harrowhark Nonagesimus

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Comments

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Okay, then Harrowhark, you're being a bitch. [THAT'S FINE. it also makes her less prickly, a little more even and she pauses long enough to stew on her answer a bit.]

It's a little more complicated than that. We were here for a while before you guys were ever invited, but you weren't invited by us. We were just told you would be here. It's...the indulgence would have been gathered just like it has been. But it wouldn't have gotten this bad if the killing hadn't started, yeah. This thing grew out of our control way before you ever got here.

And there was never really a polite way of saying "your indulgence is helping us get our wishes, too."

[bonetiddies]

[She actually laughs a little at that, relieved. It's not condescending, it's genuine.]

Isn't that better? [Like, she came to Lust for a reason. She doesn't feel like having someone try and convince her to still like them right now.]

The information that is being shared is that we were invited by you, and that you always intended to feed us to it. Though the implication being that that extends to only some of you.

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[she wants to say no but also, yeah, it kind of is. wild. so there's a sense of disbelief but also a little more calm.]

No, that's wrong. [shaking her head!] It's more like we knew you were coming but it's not like we went out and individually offered you a chance to get the power you were looking for and then brought you here. We learned about it, and then we got stuff ready around the base.

But...like I said, we did know that's what would happen if things progressed a certain way. And then they did. We all agreed to become Avatars, but some of us feel more strongly about what that means than others.

[bonetiddies]

[She's proud of you, Lust. Live your meannest life.]

Can we discuss how it's supposed to happen? We start killing - it generates fuel and food, from the dead? Was the end result for all of us to die?

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[no :(]

Probably. [she'll be honest about that.] Obviously that's not ideal, but given how it functions that's likely what the endgame was.

[bonetiddies]

How is that achieved? Was it going to be just. . . getting us to keep killing and executing until we're gone? Or is there another way we'll get killed?

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...do you remember Nathan?

[bonetiddies]

I never really spoke to them. They disappeared - supposedly for lack of indulgence?

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Right. There's a reason we kept encouraging you guys to keep indulging even while all of this was going on.

[don't indulge, you die faster.]

[bonetiddies]

But if we don't fail to indulge, and we also don't kill each other, what happens then?

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...it'd probably go the way things went last time, to be honest. It'd start showing up to encourage you to start picking each other off anyway and to indulge more. But since you guys started doing that on your own I have to wonder if that's why it took so long to show itself.

[bonetiddies]

Why doesn't it just kill us itself? Less fun, or is there a reason why it can't?

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Why go catch a fish yourself when you can go to a restaurant and have a sushi roll made for you?

[she just believes it really doesn't want to unless it has to.]

[bonetiddies]

Where does your win condition come in? If we're all devoured, you get your wishes granted and can leave?

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Supposedly. That's what we've been told, that it should be enough for us after that.

[bonetiddies]

[She considers this; her feelings are all a lot calmer now. She taps her hand against her cheek.]

Do we have a win condition, that you're aware of? Or are we fucked?

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Normally I'd say the latter. [which inspires a whole other mess of feelings that aren't pleasant.] But...this went differently than our time. If you're hearing from the dead and you're seeing this thing and you're learning stuff about it....that's more than we ever got.

[bonetiddies]

Okay.

[Good. A nod, a little rush of relief.]

It isn't as though I was going to say oh well, guess I'll die even if you said it was nothing. [Hmm.] What about you? If we're not fucked, are you then fucked? With the rate you've all been turning, I can't imagine you have all that much time left to see us all dead.

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Duh. [like. she knows? harrow does not seem like a person to roll over and die. but...hm!]

I don't know. [a swirl of unease.] I mean maybe. Depends on how much indulgence has been generated and what this thing's doing next.

[bonetiddies]

So you do actually believe if we indulge a lot we can find a way to stop it? Actually?

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Yeah. But what stopping it actually looks like, I have no idea.

[bonetiddies]

. . . The letters you received suggested some of you will keep trying to ensure we all die. Do you agree this is the case?

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Yeah. I think there are still some of us who are going to stick to the plan. Do you fault them for that?

[bonetiddies]

[Hmm. She considers this question a little thoughtfully.]

Yes, and no. I don't really expect any of you to lay down your lives or give up the things you want for us. And that's essentially what we'd be asking, with no promise it would even work. If I understand correctly, Pride and Despair are among those who want to stick to the plan. I don't particularly feel surprised or misled by that. [Neither of them ever suggested they were here to make friends? Honestly, Pride especially essentially told her not to believe she'd get out of here without a fight.]

But to me, this notion of a group sacrifice to fuel that thing is revolting. You know my personal history. I have had conversations with several of you about my personal history, and it is difficult to stomach that while I spoke of such things, this is what was happening.

[Her emotions about this really are just. Yikes. The trauma she has around this she doesn't talk about with anyone, but she did with some of them because they already knew. But she hasn't ever been able to see these tradeoffs, the way death has been used as a catalyst to grand wishes, as anything but another form of the same thing.]

I. . . the fact that I find it revolting does not mean I don't understand why it was tempting, or why it seemed like the only path. It's simply that it's difficult for me, to look at it unemotionally.

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Yeah, I know. [it's all she says at first, but her emotions say enough that words don't. she understands that it isn't pleasant, that this is a shock and that this isn't something harrow would have necessarily chosen herself.]

...when we were first given the offer to ascend to being avatars or whatever, it's not like we were told that we'd be hosting a bunch of you to kill off. It was either take the offer or give up. So we took the offer, and nearly a month later we learned you guys were coming. You guys were going to generate indulgence, and it would be enough. That was the supposed plan. It was the only path we had at the time.

So I'm not asking you not to be emotional about it, or to not be angry at those of us who're sticking to the idea. But I hope you can also understand why I'm not angry with them.