Audience: Sheila Hammond

[probe]

Comments

[toesies]

[She smiles a little, nodding and just continuing to hold these hands.]

Me, too. Although, it would be extremely ironic if someone double killed me the week after that conversation.

[probe]

I don't want irony, I want my favorites to quit dying! [whiniiiing.]

But that's true, too.

[toesies]

Yeah...

[She sighs, nodding.]

It sucks. I like making friends! But waking up in the morning to find up some asshole killed them is horrible.

[Why can't the murderers go after people they don't like? Smh.]

[probe]

No kidding! I don't think there's anything worse than not knowing if the last time you see someone is the last time forever. That's the thing I worry about with all of you.

[toesies]

Seriously! Though, in my case, it's more like the last time I'll see them breathing— and not sliced up like deli meat. That was not a happy epiphany.

[probe]

Even if people can't stop killing for whatever reason, why can't the deaths be normal? That's the worst part is that they're over the top and everything.

[toesies]

[This is not quite what she means, but she nods empathetically.]

Maybe they're indulging by being over the top? That's a good fucking question.

[probe]

Maybe. We know what the robot's problem was, but I never did find out why Law decided killing Ashiya was a great idea. It was a dumb move though.

dreamwidth my notifs...

[toesies]

He was thinking with his dick instead of his brain? I can't believe he killed Douman over a stupid hunch...

[Whining, just a little. Her cannibal clown!!]

[probe]

People do crazy things when they're...in love? Or whatever. That's what makes a place like this kind of dangerous if people let it get the better of them.

[toesies]

That is true. I know I would do anything for love. [A beat.] Though, maybe with a little more thought behind it.

[She says, like she didn't impulsively sign up for the indulgence center because of love.]

[probe]

Maybe Law thought he really did think it through? I dunno. I've never met a pirate before.

[toesies]

Me, neither. Not that type of pirate, anyway.

[probe]

[shrug.

but then...they seem to think something over.]

So let's say this person did come after you. What's your plan?

[toesies]

[... She taps her chin.]

Usually, when I have kill someone, I ask my husband to distract them so I can catch them by surprise. So, I guess, whatever plan I come up with would involve a distraction and a surprise? [A beat.] Minus the husband, of course. God, taking care of the distraction by myself is going to suuuuuck.

[probe]

Well...you have a lot of floors to cover and you're really smart. I'm sure you'll think of a very good plan that they won't ever catch on to.

[toesies]

Aw... Thank you. It's so sweet of you to say so.

[At least someone thinks she's smart... Truly, the best avatar.]

You know what would be funny? If I pretended to be dead. Not regular-me dead, but dead-dead.

[probe]

Like pretending you were a victim to get the jump on somebody? Ooh...that could work. It'd be totally unsuspicious, too.

[toesies]

Exactly! Get them to think someone beat them to the punch. Bet that would totally surprise them.

[probe]

It is a good plan as long as you can outrace them when they start to examine you. And hope that it's not some crazy sadist or something that'll just make it worse.

[toesies]

It'll be fine! I can't feel pain and I never get tired. Besides, if they touch me, I'll just zap them.

[probe]

That's true! Just be careful not to, like, accidentally activate it or touch somebody wearing metal or something.

[toesies]

... I didn't think about metal.

[Hm]

[probe]

This is why we're talking. A power backfiring would be the worst.

[toesies]

Remind me to never overlook the importance of spitballing.