Audience: Sheila Hammond

[probe]

Comments

[toesies]

Even if I get used to it, I think I would still like to understand it. Just a little.

[Does she? Does she really?]

Would it be easier to explain why it works, and not the how?

[probe]

What is it going to change if you understand it?

[toesies]

I'll be statistically less likely to get wrinkles?

[probe]

I don't know if that's even possible, Mrs. Hammond. You look pretty good. [no wrinkles for sheila :)]

[toesies]

Aw... Flatterer.

[probe]

It's true! You're only a few years older than my mom but you can't even tell.

[toesies]

Really? How old is your mom? Tell me about her.

[probe]

37! [still working on the nails and such.] She's the best though...she's been a teacher at an elementary school for a while. She's also my biggest fan, I think...she's been really supportive about anything I want to do.

[toesies]

Ohh... She sounds so sweet! I'm so happy, you have a mom who supports you in everything you do. More parents should be like that.

[probe]

I'm definitely really, really lucky! But it's always been just the two of us so I don't know if I could imagine it any other way, you know? She's given me pretty much everything I could ever want.

[toesies]

You must miss her a lot. Will you get to see her again?

[probe]

Probably! I haven't really thought much about it lately.

[toesies]

Really...? If you don't mind me asking, how come?

[probe]

Because I've got other stuff to think about mostly, like making sure things are going well here for you guys.

[toesies]

That's fair. I do hope you get to see her again, though.

[probe]

Thanks. It'd be nice. [but anyway...]

You have a family to get back to, too, don't you?

[toesies]

Yeah... Keeping that family is kind of riding on this, actually, so I really hope this goes well.

[probe]

It should as long as you keep indulging and putting in your best effort! [but...there's a curious hum.]

What is it that you're hoping for anyway?

[toesies]

Well... The mutant spider ball I threw up when I died may be killing my husband, so I would like to fix that.

[probe]

[...]

...you know...sometimes I forget about that part of your situation. You don't look like what they show you in the movies or on TV or anything.

[toesies]

I know!

[She sounds so offended but, like. Not because of Lust, specifically.]

I hate how TV and movies portray the undead. They're so bigoted. Just because I'm dead doesn't mean I'm a mindless monster who wants to eat brains. I'm a loving mother and wife. I volunteer with the elderly. I recycle! And I always eat the guts first.

[probe]

...you don't eat the elderly when they die though, right?

[THEY ARE JUST ASKING.]

[toesies]

Fuck no!

[OFFENDED.]

Also, I turned my elderly woman so she could meet her granddaughter. I could never eat her if she dies.

[probe]

Okay, okay! I was just checking! You're kinda the first zombie I've ever met, I was curious!

[toesies]

Yeah, well, it was kind of rude. [POUTING, GRUMBLING.] Nobody ever asks those questions to people with other medical conditions.