Audience: Gojou Satoru

[probe]

Comments

[probe]

No, but-

[he shakes his head, exhaling a quick puff of a breath.]

More that... I never really said anything either way, about whether I was interested or not. He seemed-- like a pretty normal kind of guy, you know? Obviously not like, boring or anything, but- not the kind of person who has to deal with supernatural things, I... thought that'd probably be a little much for him. So. Can't ever get turned down if you don't say anything to anyone, right?

Unless somebody decides to come to you to be like hey, you're cute, but the death thing is scary, we're not compatible long-term! Just so you're aware!

[mukagen]

You are cute!

[ Like an objective fact? There are some things he wants to say since that’s a lot, but the last part has him tilt his head cause... ]

Are you trying to reassure me?

[probe]

Wh- no, I'm saying that's what he did!

[this is

genuinely the whole reason envy side-eyes omi even after his death, i am so sorry about him.]

That's, um. Why I said you might not actually want me to talk about things that have been on my mind. Little hard to get rid of that one, but I know you guys were-- y'know.

[mukagen]

Oh. Oh, yeah, he does that. I warned him at the beginning! But he does just say things. Even if he’s right... Smooth, suave... [ CRIMINAL. DANGEROUS. He isn’t trying to be mean, but those are still not good words. ] Househusband.

[ OMI DIED FOR IT. Gojou isn’t above talking about his boyfriend like this. There’s a pause as he thinks some more. ]

We were, but he’s dead and you’re alive.

[ Gojou is a simple man that looks at the big picture. ]

Thanks for the concern, but I’ll be fine. Promise.

[probe]

I'm not really sure I would call pulling that smooth or suave? I already know I weird normal people out, he- didn't exactly need to rub it in. I get enough reminders.

[he might still be a little put out by it. or a lot. probably a lot.

but he just idly kicks his feet, heels thumping against the side of the log.]

...I might've assumed a little too much, though, I just- figured it'd bother you if I said so.

[mukagen]

[ Ohhhhhh, Gojou supposes he himself is more normal than Envy, so it doesn’t weird him out (he also gets compliments left and right).

... However, Envy’s predicament is different from his. ]

Omi was a strange normie, so I don’t think he was trying to push your buttons. Even I thought you’d like the attention.

[ Tilts his head other way. ]

Nah. It’d only bother me if you said he deserved to die or something super mean. Think... [ SHITTY BAStard. Can’t say that. ] I can’t get any bad words out, but imagine the most insulting thing possible.

You can keep venting, Envy. You had a tough time, too? You lost... Everyone aligned to you.

[probe]

I don't really think anyone deserves to die more than another person, no. But, um. It doesn't bother me either, which sometimes people take as basically the same thing? There's just no point getting upset about it.

[a quiet hum, there, while he mentally shoves words into order.]

...so I'm not really upset about any of them dying, exactly. Just- that they were targeted? Little hard not to feel personally attacked when people go and take out every envy.

[mukagen]

Really? That’s different! Not being fussed about death is definitely not the same as saying they deserve to die.

[ He gets moving on. People die, though not like this usually. Still! People die. ]

It’s true that all of the envies did get taken out... What a weird coincidence, unless you’re implying to me it’s not coincidence at all.

[probe]

Either it's coincidence or people just hate me personally?

[or, you know. disliked the type of person who'd be aligned with him, which is close enough for him.]

I'm not implying either way, though.

[mukagen]

Awww, but I always see people treat you so nicely!

[ looks into the future as people scramble to dying envy. ]

It’s not like you’re the people you’re aligned with. You guys are a bit different! Each unique in a couple of ways.

[probe]

We're still alike at our core, in some ways, or they wouldn't have been tied to me in the first place.

[another little shrug...]

...I still, um, don't really know what to do with so many people being nice to me? It's almost a little overwhelming. Kind of can't help wondering how many of them are faking it.

[mukagen]

You really do have a lot of worries.

[ He doesn't say that like it's a bad thing, but more that it's new... For himself? To think about this, too. Gojou never thought too much about people being too nice to him because he doesn't see it more than an act. ]

People can be good. [ Nod. ] But you also have to protect yourself, right?

[probe]

Can't really help that, I just- always have.

[sometimes, you just have anxiety.]

They can, but with some of them-- I know it's not exactly real. I'm not that naive.

[mukagen]

It's all right. I think I just don't have a lot of worries—I'm weird to most people.

[ He gently pats Envy's back twice. Hmmm. ]

People can also be bad. [ Just the truth. ] That's why you have to really pick them... Would it be better if we don't crowd you so much?

[probe]

Well, at least we're both-- oof. Um, weird.

[even if it's not that hard, envy is a twig and it's an unexpected touch; it's more a verbal reaction than anything else.]

...I don't think it'd help if you guys did though, no. I'd just feel like you didn't want to see me.

[mukagen]

Yeah! We're both weird.

[ ........................................................... ]

How do we win?!

[ HELLO?! ]

[probe]

I don't know!!

[he reaches up to just. rub at his face.]

Look, it's not easy being an embodiment of jealousy, okay?

[mukagen]

You’re right.

[ Gojou nods as he remembers that. Okay. They’re in the clear. ]

What do you desire, Envy?!

[probe]

...I don't know that either, I think.

[he's just. fidgeting with his robe sleeves.]

I've been thinking about it, since, um. A couple of you have asked what I'd want if I were in your position. And I thought at first that I just didn't want to be alone, but that... hasn't entirely been enough. I have that here, but it's not as satisfying on its own as I thought it'd be.

[mukagen]

Hmm. Then a special someone? I don't mean romantically, even platonically is fine. People have best friends that mean the world to them, after all.

[ Gojou can understand wanting to fill that void. ]

[probe]

-yeah. It's just that-- you know, I know a lot about what goes on here, so I'm pretty sure if the people I care about actually had to pick-- it wouldn't be me. It's, uh, extremely hard not to get jealous about that? So I guess what I want more than not being on my own is just... someone who'd actually choose me, if they needed to make that kind of choice at all.

Not that I'd want them to have to-! But- you know what I mean, right?

[mukagen]

[ Hmmm. There was a moment where he wished someone chose him instead of the path they took. Listen to him, not the dark voices. It's a lot different, though. Instead of jealousy, Gojou feels sad for maybe ten seconds. That's how much he will allow despair to have him today. ]

Yeah, I get it. I told Tamotsu this before, but there must be someone out there for you where you guys just—[ Snaps his fingers. "Click." ] How hard is it to find people as an Avatar?

[ y'all speed date or anything ]

[probe]

Well, my options are currently limited to the type of people who agreed to come to the indulgence center to get what they want, and this is the broadest they've ever been, so you tell me.

[it's not remotely easy.]

It's- not like I'm good with people to begin with.

[mukagen]

That's tough since we're mortal...

[ He'd say something like "THOUGHT ABOUT NOT BEING AN AVATAR AND GOING HOME?" but that doesn't fix the "I'm not good with people" part. ]

Would it be worth it even if they might die?

[probe]

...yeah. I mean-- death doesn't mean anything to a medium, you know? Back home, all my friends were ghosts. Dated one for a little while. If they're motivated enough to not move on, then death's not really a setback.

[maybe don't just say that so casually, envy, jesus.]