Audience: Kaz Kaan

[probe]

Comments

week 0, tuesday

[probe]

[kaz gets a reply back telling him to meet in the common room.

when he gets there, a pillow fortress has been set up? it's facing the tv. very suddenly, sloth's hooded and horned head pop out of the opening.]

Hey, you made it!

[bachelorbored]

Did we have to meet? I would appreciated just a text-to-know-each-other...

[kaz makes his way over to the pillow fortress, sighing.]

[probe]

[oh.

they seem to, like, droop just slightly? it's in the shoulders.]

You didn't want to meet me...?

[bachelorbored]

[arg

he waves his hands, suddenly feeling REALLY bad?]

No! No, I do! I'm here, right?

Let's, uh, meet! Let's get to know each other! What's your favorite color?

[probe]

[yeah, you feel bad, kaz. sloth looks extremely saddened! well.

they look a bit better by the end.]

Okay! Come right on in!

[get comfy inside the plush pillow and blanket fort.]

I never thought about my favorite color before! I guess... um, red!

[bachelorbored]

Okay, look out!

[he comes inside sloth's little hovel.

pillow fort. this is very novel.]

Red's nice. It's scientifically proven to make things go faster, and beloved by the Soviets. I think I'm more of a blue person, myself—in both style, and mood.

[probe]

Oh, blue... Hm, my brother would like that one maybe! Then again, his friend is awfully red!

[haha.

they reach inside their robes and then pull out--another pillow!!! they offer it to kaz.]

What's a Soviet?

[bachelorbored]

[kaz eagerly takes the pillow. what a thoughtful gift! he props himself up on it, lounging.]

Oh, are you not human? [YOU CAN'T JUST ASK SOMEONE IF THEY'RE HUMAN, KAZ]

Soviets are the Russians.

[probe]

Nope, not me.

[yeah, where is their gift, kaz? hello? awful.]

"Russians"? Well, I don't think I know them! What's their hurry?

[bachelorbored]

Wow. This is my first time meeting an alien. Welcome to Earth! Probably? I don't actually know where we are. Maybe you should be welcoming me?

[he doesn't seem concerned, anyway. kaz's present is his presence.]

Hah! Good one. It's a country full of people bound by the cruel, anti-capitalist and anti-consumerist laws of communism! I've never visited, and I never plan to. They probably seize your Louis Vuitton luggage on arrival and give it to a random.

[probe]

Oh! No, no, no, no. It's not like that! I'm already from Earth! I just don't live on the mortal plane, or anything! No big deal.

[the rest goes completely over their head, sorry to say.]

Huh, you don't say? I wonder if that's where Greed is from...!

[bachelorbored]

Huh? Mortal plane? [!] Are you an angel or a demon? Oh, or maybe a ghost?

[kaz has not met greed, doesn't know anything about them, and doesn't really care to, but warms to the idea of judging them based on their name alone.]

That makes sense! Perhaps this Greed person defected, and ran here to indulge their desires of... well, greed?

[probe]

Nope, none of those!

[kaz, please meet people, you--nevermind, this is why kaz is a sloth.]

It's possible! They were "rushin" to get here!

[wrong russian still]

week 0, saturday

[probe]

[kaz receives a reply that tells him to meet in the kitchen.

when kaz enters, a typical robed figure is waiting on him. they have two thick, brown horns protruding form the hood and curling back over their head, and also a black, spade tail which flicks behind them.]

And who told you that, may I ask?

[bachelorbored]

[ooh, the kitchen! the rumors were true!

kaz beams.]

Sloth. Were they wrong? I was looking forward to your gourmet delights.

[probe]

I see. They were not incorrect.

[they motion for kaz to sit somewhere with a gloved hand.]

What is that you are craving?

[bachelorbored]

Oh, I'm not really craving anything, per say. But I would never pass up the opportunity to sample a hot chef's newest cuisine!

[he does take a seat, though!]

So is it cool if I leave it to you? The omakase course!

[probe]

Ah. Well, unfortunately, I am a chef who takes requests more than a chef who simply creates something for no reason.

So, if you will: please make a request.

[bachelorbored]

Oh. Really?

Then... what about sushi? I don't think I've had any for quite some time, and I do feel like there's a nigiri-shaped hole in my heart.

[probe]

Ah, a traditional cuisine. Vinegared rice, sugar, and salt with a variety of ingredients. Very well.

What kind of sushi would you prefer? Would you like seaweed, or without?

[bachelorbored]

Oh, not the rolled type, please. That's for supermarket shoppers.

Just a little wasabi! Maybe some sashimi on the side? I won't complain!

[probe]

[they bow the hooded head in acknowledgement.]

Do you prefer any particular ingredients?

[they are going to put on......a sexy apron over the robes while waiting.]

[bachelorbored]

No preference! Raw fish, I guess, but that's a given.

[kaz stares, blinks, and stares.]

Uh, what's with that?

[probe]

As you wish.

[they go about their business like they just didn't put on a sexy apron at all. they do everything by hand, but it seems like they're pretty skilled at making their way around the kitchen. the perfection is a bit sickening.]

It would not do to get my robes messy.

[bachelorbored]

IIIII don't think that's going to really protect anything?