Audience: White

[probe]

Comments

[probe]

U-UM, NO WE CAN TALK ABOUT B-BUSINESS!

[enfangs]

[a beat]

Okay, now you're definitely gonna tell me!

[probe]

[he's frantically waving his hands back and forth dismissively.]

It's nothing! I'm not doing meth again, I swear! It was--I was trying with a friend!

[enfangs]

Sounds like you didn't enjoy it much, huh?

[probe]

Y-Yeah! It was terrible. Exactly like licking brimstone!

[enfangs]

That means nothing to me because I have never licked brimstone.

[probe]

Well, all I can say is don't do that either! [he makes a kind of blech noise.] Sulfur and ash!

[enfangs]

[a snicker]

And yet you apparently didn't stop? Sucks that you still had to go to work after that, though.

[probe]

No, no, no. I licked brimstone when I was young! My brother said he wouldn't do something until the day I licked brimstone, so I did!

Oh--do you mean the meth?

[enfangs]

I meant the meth, but wow, I'm learning so much right now.

[probe]

I'm just warning you pre-emptively not to lick brimstone because it tastes like rotting hellfish straight out of the fiery river of Asphodel!

I care about sparing you from that sort of bad vibe, White!

[enfangs]

Thanks, but I don't even know where to find brimstone!?

[probe]

In the Underworld, of course?!

[enfangs]

... I know I'm dead and all, but I don't think I'm gonna find brimstone in my afterlife... but I'll keep that in mind?

[probe]

Wow, your afterlife doesn't have brimstone...? You need better security!

[enfangs]

Security from what?

[probe]

Um, hello? From any souls trying to escape! They shoot lasers.

[enfangs]

What? Think souls just get reincarnated immediately where I'm from, or something.

[probe]

Oh, you too?! Just like Shi Qingxuan! Wow, I would never have a job in your worlds... Huh, would I even exist...?

[enfangs]

... Well, uh, glad you're not from our worlds, then.

[if he wouldn't exist.]

[probe]

[white doesn't want sloth in their worlds :pensive:]

Whoa, me too!

[enfangs]

... Right. Anyway, now I'm gonna get to business. What're your thoughts on everything?

[probe]

[white!! white is a bully because he is bullied!]

Oh, um... Well, I have a lot of thoughts! So it depends on what you mean.

[enfangs]

[STOP]

Uh... anything, I guess. Can I ask what you're here for, actually?

[probe]

[can't believe white and (redacted) are the only two people to ask him this.]

Oh. Um. I didn't really have a reason! I was just with everyone else. My brother and I are gods; we don't need anything. So I decided... well, the prince is always trying to get to the surface. But he keeps dying all the time! Over, and over, and over. I thought I'd help him get to the surface! He's been friends with me and my brother for a long time. And my brother likes him, I think.

But someone said... if the prince tries that hard over and over all on his own, then maybe he wouldn't need any help. I guess I don't have anything I'm here for after all!