...you don't have to if you don't want to. But if you want to try...[she shrugs.] I think it's important to try and figure out why you feel the way you feel. That's why I threw a bunch of sand in the ocean earlier.
[...she threw a tantrum before white showed up, it's fine.]
... I did kind of want to figure out what happened to Childe. 'Cause Endorsi liked him, 'cause it felt like something Mineo might approve of, and... well, I'm gonna be honest—I didn't like the guy. [why? because he was mean to mineo once and white is simple.] But... honestly, I'm probably a shittier person than him when you get down to it.
[white knows not many people would mourn his death. (or will? it's hardly a hypothetical situation for him, after all.) and he can't fault the world for that, but he can picture too clearly what it'd be like to have your death completely dismissed, with everyone moving on because you'd never mattered.]
In the end, though, it feels like all of those things were pointless.
[because maybe endorsi doesn't want to face this truth after all; maybe he was just moving according to mineo's strings, however unintended; maybe, for all that white doesn't pretend to believe in justice or act in its name, the end result still feels like a mess that would've been easier if he hadn't been trying to begin with.]
[...well that all makes sense to her and it lines up with what she actually knows and believes about white as a person. there's zero surprise here, even if there's a flare-up of sympathy and also a little worry.
so she doesn't reply right away as she thinks of the right words to say.]
...I think a lot of it comes down to trying to decide what it is you want to do for yourself, and not for the people you care about. Sometimes...I mean. I get it. I do. You have people you like a lot and people you care about, so you'd do just about anything for them even if it's not normally in line with what you'd do. And it always sucks when you find that it was never gonna go the way you thought it would.
I don't think any of your actions were pointless, because they were sincere. But I think it's also understandable to be disappointed anyway.
[what he wants to do for himself? the irony for someone whose lifelong motto has practically been "me, myself andi" is that he doesn't know what that is. on his worst days, he barely understands who he is. (barely knows what he'd do with a future, if granted one.) it's why he can't help but seek it in others.]
... Well, I'll get over it.
[for better or for worse, white's tolerance for this kind of thing can be rather high. at the end of the day, he loves mineo (and endorsi, whO IS ALSO OUT THERE, CONFESSING MURDER TO HIM) and that matters more than anything.
... which is maybe, like, counterproductive to what lust is trying to say, but that's how it is.]
[she's not going to strongarm him out of feeling the way he feels and doing what he wants to do, if only because she does understand it.]
...it'll be fine. It hurts for a while, and then you remember your motivation if it really is the thing you want. And if it isn't, you'll find your motivation again. That's how it works.
[a beat.] ...but I also don't doubt they both appreciate it.
Then what's it actually about? [she is eventually going to scare him into not talking and that terrifies her? she's trying to be as open but delicate as possible, so he can probably tell she's a little nervous about this conversation.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[...she threw a tantrum before white showed up, it's fine.]
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[white knows not many people would mourn his death. (or will? it's hardly a hypothetical situation for him, after all.) and he can't fault the world for that, but he can picture too clearly what it'd be like to have your death completely dismissed, with everyone moving on because you'd never mattered.]
In the end, though, it feels like all of those things were pointless.
[because maybe endorsi doesn't want to face this truth after all; maybe he was just moving according to mineo's strings, however unintended; maybe, for all that white doesn't pretend to believe in justice or act in its name, the end result still feels like a mess that would've been easier if he hadn't been trying to begin with.]
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so she doesn't reply right away as she thinks of the right words to say.]
...I think a lot of it comes down to trying to decide what it is you want to do for yourself, and not for the people you care about. Sometimes...I mean. I get it. I do. You have people you like a lot and people you care about, so you'd do just about anything for them even if it's not normally in line with what you'd do. And it always sucks when you find that it was never gonna go the way you thought it would.
I don't think any of your actions were pointless, because they were sincere. But I think it's also understandable to be disappointed anyway.
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... Well, I'll get over it.
[for better or for worse, white's tolerance for this kind of thing can be rather high. at the end of the day, he loves mineo (and endorsi, whO IS ALSO OUT THERE, CONFESSING MURDER TO HIM) and that matters more than anything.
... which is maybe, like, counterproductive to what lust is trying to say, but that's how it is.]
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...it'll be fine. It hurts for a while, and then you remember your motivation if it really is the thing you want. And if it isn't, you'll find your motivation again. That's how it works.
[a beat.] ...but I also don't doubt they both appreciate it.
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[well. it'd be nice if they were happy? which feels like a pipe dream, but anyway. whether they're happy in relation to him is irrelevant.]
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Okay, if you want another option then what would you pick?
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closes it]
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...she waits! patiently! for an answer :)]
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looks away!]
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