I don't expect we'll hear a concert from you anytime soon? Or at the very least, I would like to hear it. This humble priest can't exactly recall the last time they heard performed music like that...
No, I do not expect you will. I do not make a habit of performing in public.
[and, considering the way despair does not move or offer to remedy the fact they haven't heard a performance like that recently... a performance will not be forthcoming now, either.]
...Ah. Yes, yes. I apologize. There are such things that are better for the soul when done on one's own.
[And a pause - there's a bit of a bittersweet smile on their face as they sip at their tea.]
Honestly, I didn't indulge in such hobbies when I was alive. I had so much work, day in and day out, and I...thought that was all this humble priest had to do, considering the amount of work I put on my own plate to keep up with the rest. [A hum.] So, looking back, I admire that. Finding something to soothe the soul for yourself.
You exist in some sense, do you not? There are many who would say this is all that is required to consider there to be a soul. You have a mind and personality, though I do suppose the completeness of your existence as a whole may be up for some debate.
Its odd, ever so odd. Ashiya Douman, the preeminent onmyouji rival of that despicable Abe no Seimei, the one who killed Seimei...there was never much in history recorded of him. Just a role in another's story.
[Even if the true Douman is deep inside, that doesn't change the fact that the Servant, the Heroic Spirit, was based on...what, exactly?]
People pick and choose what to remember. My "whole existence" was never that from the start, haha.
[A being from the slim pickings of history, the weight of biased perceptions, the sorrow and hatred and envy of a man gone wrong.]
A partial product of incomplete memory, cobbled together into a false existence. A person who, by all rights, should not have existed at all-- and yet here you are, regardless. Testament to the persistence of that which was best left forgotten.
[their face may not be visible, but it isn't hard to tell they are watching douman in a sort of detached way, tone very nearly clinical, just light enough to keep it from being truly so-- nearly approaching casual.]
And persist you do! How far you have gone- and how fortunate to find yourself here. I very much doubt you would ever touch what you seek with your own hands, were it not for this opportunity.
...Haha, please, you'll make this humble priest blush.
[A celebration of the fake, the imposter, the collage of real and not real. It feels like what Mineo said - nice words that Douman knows, deep down, they don't deserve.]
[But how touching, all the same.]
So an "Alter Ego" can really survive in this world. [A smile, and a huff.] This opportunity...I thank you for that. I am eternally grateful, for even this chance to sit here, and talk to you as I am.
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So long as we are all capable of performing our duties, we need not get along.
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Do you at least get rewarded for it?
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[A sip of the tea.]
If that's the case...then is this truly a competition, as some people have said?
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[they delicately pick up a cup in their clawed hands.]
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I see. But you...do you want to fight for your desire? I can imagine the Avatar of Despair may have an incredible wish to work for.
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[they may get the distinct impression despair rolls their eyes, behind the hood.]
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[A light smile. Well, they didn't make any messes!! They're good!!]
Mmm, but more seriously. Is there anything that can be done to make your burden a bit lighter?
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[A light huff and shrug.]
Do you do anything outside your duties?
[dude do u have hobbies]
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[they say that so dryly, chin resting in one palm, before they wave their free hand.]
I prefer to keep to myself, really. On occasion I play an instrument or three.
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[A smirk twists up to the side.]
A instrument? You're a musician? What do you play?
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[of course string instruments vibe the most with someone associated with despair.]
Of various sizes, though I do prefer the deeper tones.
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[and, considering the way despair does not move or offer to remedy the fact they haven't heard a performance like that recently... a performance will not be forthcoming now, either.]
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[And a pause - there's a bit of a bittersweet smile on their face as they sip at their tea.]
Honestly, I didn't indulge in such hobbies when I was alive. I had so much work, day in and day out, and I...thought that was all this humble priest had to do, considering the amount of work I put on my own plate to keep up with the rest. [A hum.] So, looking back, I admire that. Finding something to soothe the soul for yourself.
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[how is the clownery working out for you so far, douman.]
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[A sort of rueful smile.]
Do you think I have a soul?
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[Haha. Yeah. That is...]
Its odd, ever so odd. Ashiya Douman, the preeminent onmyouji rival of that despicable Abe no Seimei, the one who killed Seimei...there was never much in history recorded of him. Just a role in another's story.
[Even if the true Douman is deep inside, that doesn't change the fact that the Servant, the Heroic Spirit, was based on...what, exactly?]
People pick and choose what to remember. My "whole existence" was never that from the start, haha.
[A being from the slim pickings of history, the weight of biased perceptions, the sorrow and hatred and envy of a man gone wrong.]
[Of course, they would never be complete.]
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[their face may not be visible, but it isn't hard to tell they are watching douman in a sort of detached way, tone very nearly clinical, just light enough to keep it from being truly so-- nearly approaching casual.]
And persist you do! How far you have gone- and how fortunate to find yourself here. I very much doubt you would ever touch what you seek with your own hands, were it not for this opportunity.
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[A celebration of the fake, the imposter, the collage of real and not real. It feels like what Mineo said - nice words that Douman knows, deep down, they don't deserve.]
[But how touching, all the same.]
So an "Alter Ego" can really survive in this world. [A smile, and a huff.] This opportunity...I thank you for that. I am eternally grateful, for even this chance to sit here, and talk to you as I am.
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[they said none of that as a compliment.]
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I'll have to work hard, then. Indulge all I can, yes? For my existence.