[ lup will feel the flicker of emotions as she says so - there's an anger there, quiet and low, though it's not directed at her. there's something about being laid bare like this that's entirely too private, and it reveals a lot about the kind of person gu yun is. underneath that iron, steadfast surface, his heart is as big as can be, the only part of him that hasn't been cast in blackened iron.
he's quiet for a moment, brushing his thumb over the spot. ]
...It reminds me of my armor, a bit. [ carefully, avoiding any scabbed off and burnt parts. ] As black as night, protecting the energy that flows through it, and the person within.
[ but armor comes off, he thinks, and doesn't say it. even if his rarely does.
after a moment, he lifts her arm, and presses a kiss to her knuckles, blackened or otherwise. another, to her wrist, pressing a kiss in a similar manner. his emotions are turbulent, for the moment - worry, but affection and care, some of that anger from before, though it's simmering, now, more background. ]
[her own emotions are haywire. she's scared, at the center of it, but it manifests as anger, as stress, as a feeling of being unable to breathe or swallow right. guilt, as he kisses her knuckles. desperate affection, almost longing - but even that is laced with uncertainty.]
It's not armor. [she says, voice quiet.] I don't feel like me anymore.
[a hiccup of a laugh.] I don't look like my brother anymore, Zixi, and it's getting worse.
[because she's always been concerned with her looks, but. not for the reasons you'd think.]
he pauses, there, for a moment, tilting his head to the side and glancing up at the painting, finding the two identical twins. the elf he saw in a memory all those times ago, next to the one he can identify as lup. ]
...You're... the indulgence itself is causing this, too. As if it represents 'wrath'. [ ... his emotions flicker again. angry, this time, a low, quiet fury that he pushes down. ] We could just indulge in other -- no. There's no finding other aspects to indulge in, either. [ because then that just puts the same punishment, the same transformation, on other avatars, doesn't it? frustrating, frustrating. it appears across his face instead of just his emotions for a moment, brows furrowed, eyes dark. ]
... We'll find a way. If it means overwhelmingly completing what needs to be completed and finding our way out of this place, or breaking the system of it entirely, then we'll find a way. I'll find a way.
[ his hand squeezes against hers, that worry growing a little further underneath the low, simmering anger, gnawing at the edges of his care. it turns over to his resolve, steely as ever. ] ...I remember, when I gave you back his hat, it receded some. The cracks started to close.
Sometimes when you guys do nice things for me it makes it easier to control. [she mumbles, ears pressed back against her skull.] I don't know if it's like that for all of us, it's just, uh. It's just easier for me to not lose my temper when I have something to hold onto.
[it's part of what she is, she thinks. since she ripped her soul out of her body, having a memory to hold onto has what kept her stable.
she takes a deep breath.]
If there isn't a way, I want you to not worry about it. [she says, looking away.] Or - rather, I want you to not worry about me.
[ he clearly does not like that answer. even if it doesn't show on his face, it ripples across his emotions - an immediate want to protest, displeasure - but it's layered over with stubbornness, too, and something far more tender and vulnerable underneath.
gu yun has lived a hard fought life of success. in the worst situations, he manages risks, he makes sacrifices, but he doesn't fail at achieving the things that matter to him, at protecting the things he has to protect. it's often at the cost of his own health, but it's that prideful, stubborn and determined nature of his that has made him the almost revered figure he is in great liang. to butt up against a desire like that - if there isn't a way - just makes him even more determined to find one.
(he's had to be determined. born on the unluckiest day of the year, gu zixi's birth was followed by the subsequent death of his parents. the attack on the camp. his blindness, his deafness. it was said it was the gu family curse that took its roots in gu yun, and killed those who came close; even his ill fated fiancee died before they had a chance to meet. everyone who loved him in one way or another died. suffered. not this time.)
he stays quiet, for a long moment, and lets her look away from him. ]
... Suppose my greatest indulgence is going to have to be being exorbitantly kind to you, then.
[ then he'll cheat the system. he will find a way if he has to blast a path through himself. indulge. power this place. protect his country. protect his home.
[she sorts through that. it takes her a good minute, just to figure out what it is she wants to say. his determination and stubbornness - he'll feel a faint edge of despair from her, something wailing and pained, and then she puts it away.]
I hope that you feel that way for the rest of your time here. [she says finally, turning back to him, bringing his hand up to kiss his knuckles in return. brings it up further to rest it against the side of her face, so she can lean her cheek there, eyes closed.]
Focus on doing what you came here for. That's all I can tell you.
[she just lets her emotional exhaustion settle in, overlapping everything else.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[her voice skips, just a little.]
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he's quiet for a moment, brushing his thumb over the spot. ]
...It reminds me of my armor, a bit. [ carefully, avoiding any scabbed off and burnt parts. ] As black as night, protecting the energy that flows through it, and the person within.
[ but armor comes off, he thinks, and doesn't say it. even if his rarely does.
after a moment, he lifts her arm, and presses a kiss to her knuckles, blackened or otherwise. another, to her wrist, pressing a kiss in a similar manner. his emotions are turbulent, for the moment - worry, but affection and care, some of that anger from before, though it's simmering, now, more background. ]
... You... even like this, you're still you, Lup.
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It's not armor. [she says, voice quiet.] I don't feel like me anymore.
[a hiccup of a laugh.] I don't look like my brother anymore, Zixi, and it's getting worse.
[because she's always been concerned with her looks, but. not for the reasons you'd think.]
no subject
he pauses, there, for a moment, tilting his head to the side and glancing up at the painting, finding the two identical twins. the elf he saw in a memory all those times ago, next to the one he can identify as lup. ]
...You're... the indulgence itself is causing this, too. As if it represents 'wrath'. [ ... his emotions flicker again. angry, this time, a low, quiet fury that he pushes down. ] We could just indulge in other -- no. There's no finding other aspects to indulge in, either. [ because then that just puts the same punishment, the same transformation, on other avatars, doesn't it? frustrating, frustrating. it appears across his face instead of just his emotions for a moment, brows furrowed, eyes dark. ]
... We'll find a way. If it means overwhelmingly completing what needs to be completed and finding our way out of this place, or breaking the system of it entirely, then we'll find a way. I'll find a way.
[ his hand squeezes against hers, that worry growing a little further underneath the low, simmering anger, gnawing at the edges of his care. it turns over to his resolve, steely as ever. ] ...I remember, when I gave you back his hat, it receded some. The cracks started to close.
no subject
Sometimes when you guys do nice things for me it makes it easier to control. [she mumbles, ears pressed back against her skull.] I don't know if it's like that for all of us, it's just, uh. It's just easier for me to not lose my temper when I have something to hold onto.
[it's part of what she is, she thinks. since she ripped her soul out of her body, having a memory to hold onto has what kept her stable.
she takes a deep breath.]
If there isn't a way, I want you to not worry about it. [she says, looking away.] Or - rather, I want you to not worry about me.
no subject
gu yun has lived a hard fought life of success. in the worst situations, he manages risks, he makes sacrifices, but he doesn't fail at achieving the things that matter to him, at protecting the things he has to protect. it's often at the cost of his own health, but it's that prideful, stubborn and determined nature of his that has made him the almost revered figure he is in great liang. to butt up against a desire like that - if there isn't a way - just makes him even more determined to find one.
(he's had to be determined. born on the unluckiest day of the year, gu zixi's birth was followed by the subsequent death of his parents. the attack on the camp. his blindness, his deafness. it was said it was the gu family curse that took its roots in gu yun, and killed those who came close; even his ill fated fiancee died before they had a chance to meet. everyone who loved him in one way or another died. suffered. not this time.)
he stays quiet, for a long moment, and lets her look away from him. ]
... Suppose my greatest indulgence is going to have to be being exorbitantly kind to you, then.
[ then he'll cheat the system. he will find a way if he has to blast a path through himself. indulge. power this place. protect his country. protect his home.
help lup. ]
no subject
I hope that you feel that way for the rest of your time here. [she says finally, turning back to him, bringing his hand up to kiss his knuckles in return. brings it up further to rest it against the side of her face, so she can lean her cheek there, eyes closed.]
Focus on doing what you came here for. That's all I can tell you.
[she just lets her emotional exhaustion settle in, overlapping everything else.]