Audience: Harrowhark Nonagesimus

[probe]

Comments

[bonetiddies]

Yes, I understand. I'm simply - used to needing to keep the truth hidden.

[But if Lust already knows, or could know if they wanted to, it doesn't matter.]

I exist to be powerful. The sacrifices that were made to bring about my birth . . . those sacrifices were made intending that I be the greatest necromancer my House has ever seen, and thus I am.

What is important to me has no consequence. I am a promise to be fulfilled.

[probe]

...it's a lot of pressure, isn't it? To be told your birth was orchestrated for something bigger and dedicating your life to saving your House. Even if you're a promise to be fulfilled, aren't you still a person? I think you can still have opinions and wants just like anybody else, even if you don't think it matters so much.

[bonetiddies]

[She's feeling a little vulnerable, and it's an uncomfortable, unfamiliar feeling. She swallows a lump in her throat, and instead reaches hesitantly to scratch the cat behind its ears.]

It isn't possible to continue to live a life merely to atone for something which I know can never be atoned for. [So, she agrees, but - ] It isn't so easy to change. I've molded myself to live only for duty. I'm not sure I know what to replace that with.

[probe]

[cat therapy is valid and lust allows it.]

Maybe it's not so much that you have to know right away, but just knowing that maybe it's possible is enough. There's a whole world out there and all kinds of people and things to learn about. I'm sure there's something out there that's just right for you.

But I understand how important duty is, too. I just think...y'know. Your duty isn't the thing that matters most here, so a place like this is a good chance to try new things out. If you wanted. The people here don't know everything about you, so they can get to know you for who you are instead of how you were born.

[bonetiddies]

[It's hard to think of it that way; she isn't sure who she even is, so it's hard to imagine what others will even be getting to know.]

I would like that, I think. But. . . can we really trust one another, here?

[probe]

[it's possible lust is just saying shit, but no, there's definitely a conviction in their tone that they really believe what they're selling.]

I don't know. [but they won't lie to her either.] I think that's something you guys have to decide yourself. It'd be nice if you could trust each other, but everyone wants the same thing. An ideal approach would be helping each other out with your indulging to reach your goals, but some people here are a little less open than others.

[bonetiddies]

Mm. I don't dislike anyone, but I'm coming to believe our goals won't always be aligned. Isn't caution called for?

[probe]

Probably. [they sound almost flippant about that.] I think there's a line between being cautious and being too cautious. You don't want to open yourself up to get hurt, but at the same time you don't want to close yourself off from opportunities to get ahead either.

[bonetiddies]

It feels as though Despair is a rather solitary indulgence, though, doesn't it?

[probe]

It can be. But isn't there that whole misery loves company thing? I don't know if you've ever heard that before. But I think with Despair...indulging in your own sad emotions sometimes isn't the worst way to go. Like...when you have a really bad day at school and you just wanna lock yourself in your room and play loud music while punching a pillow! Or when you're dealing with a messy break-up and all you wanna do is cry a lot and eat ice cream. Those are things you can do with other people, too.

[bonetiddies]

I've never. . . cried a lot and ate ice cream. Or had a break up.

[But she understands where she's coming from.]

It's strange - it feels like most of these sins revolve around wanting something or doing something that feels good. But despair is another matter.

[probe]

You don't think purging yourself of bad vibes would feel good? It's cathartic! You can really only hold so much pain for so long before it becomes unbearable.

[there's a pause then as if they're thinking of something else before they shake their head.] Some people are way stronger than others, but I think everybody wants a chance to let go and feel better sometimes. Even if they don't know how to.

[bonetiddies]

I haven't tried it. You really think it will feel good?

[probe]

To be honest? It might hurt at first. But it'll feel good in the end.

...and if it doesn't at least there's always comfort food to wallow in. [a little light-hearted teasing, but still.] Just remember that you don't have to do it alone.

[bonetiddies]

All right. Thank you - you've been very helpful, and very kind.

[probe]

Sure. [they seem pleased to hear that.] If you need any other advice you can text me or we can meet up like this again! Or...if you ever just want to hang out...that's okay, too.

[bonetiddies]

Perhaps I will take you up on the offer. I. . . enjoyed talking to you, and meeting a cat.

[probe]

You can meet more cats if you want another time. [the cat is not important, but.] I like talking to you, too. So don't be shy.

[lust...loves talking.] And even if we don't have a lot to talk about, we can play a game or something.