[despair is waiting in the planetarium! he has his hood off, now that she's seen his face before, and his wings are spread enough to expose more of the underside than the last time she got a look at them. the colored crystal fragments studded into the black crystal look like constellations themselves, glimmering faintly in the light of the matching stars above.]
Harrowhark. Have you something on your mind, or did you merely wish to speak?
[Honestly, even if she did just want to speak, she wouldn't own up to it. But she's here, with her lil friend, too. She crosses her arms across her chest.]
. . . A question, first. Is there any reason that you are aware of that there has been a victim each week from your sin? Do I have cause for concern?
There is none I am aware of, other than that it keeps happening. Perhaps there is someone who dislikes us. People can have strange motives. A distaste for those who wallow in misery, perhaps. But perhaps there is more to it?
While not answering my question, it is cryptic enough to make me even more concerned.
[. . .]
In our first conversation, we discussed my views on killing other participants. That I would not do it for personal gain, but that I would consider it in order to eliminate a threat.
If I must be more direct-- I cannot offer you information on the motives of others, when they remain unknown. You may make any assumption you like of the situation.
[but, hm. he arches a brow at that last statement.]
Directness is preferred, even if it is directness to say a question cannot be answered.
[She sighs.]
This is what troubles me. I believe there to be one very strongly, but I lack certainty both in evidence and in my own convictions. And yet, were the evidence so clear, it wouldn't be a dilemma at all; I could simply resolve it at trial.
Therein lies the conundrum. To continue to work to solve it and show my work publicly in order to dispense with it, risking that in the meantime my own life or the life of one dear to me will be threatened, or to be proactive at risk of making a mistake that will endanger my own life and my goals.
[he considers this for several moments, remaining quiet, before he eventually responds.]
And were you to lay these beliefs out to me, while I am certainly curious to hear them-- I will not be able to confirm them for you, either. In the end, it is up to you whether you will hold to these convictions silently and seek the evidence you desire for them, or whether you will take the risk.
[their claws tap idly against the beanbag they're seated in.]
However, should you choose to act, then we may speak of your plans further once you have made that decision.
I understand. I didn't come to you for confirmation, which I am well aware you cannot provide. I came to you because. . .
[Maybe she's asking for advice from a murder dad and a non-murder dad at the same time and trying to see where it takes her? Like when you can't make up your mind about something so you ask two people even though you already know what they'll say, to see which answer feels right.]
I swore that I would do nothing to endanger my own life, or end it. That much is clear. But I simply don't know whether action or protective inaction is the better course.
Understand, then, that I say this in a general sense and am not necessarily instructing you one way or another-- but I often find inaction to be paralyzing. There is a marked difference between it and biding one's time, awaiting the proper opportunity and situation, and it is often born of a fear to do as one believes they should.
Each course has its risks and its downsides. I believe that it comes down to this: would you prefer to lose your own life through action or through inaction, given that it is a risk in either case? Would you prefer to risk it over seeing others die thanks to your inaction? And would it make a difference to you, after the fact, if you should learn whether you were right or wrong? In which situation are you best able to live with your decisions and their potential consequences?
I must admit that I have a strong dislike for this individual, and I do not feel that I would feel guilty for their death, even if I were in fact wrong. What I fear is rather the vote - that some other person will be killed in my stead, and it will be an outcome much harder to bear.
I also fear that I will die if I try this thing - whether by taking on a target too dangerous for me in my current state, or because I will be selected during the vote. If I am caught, even if I evade death during that trial, I will become the new 'back up.' I think - the likelihood of my own death is higher, if I commit the to this course of action, than if I simply remain on my guard.
But. . . [Hmm. Her voice is a little less confident at this part.] What is unacceptable to me is the possibility that someone dear to me will be taken from me, and that this could have been prevented if I had only been more decisive.
I do not think you are wrong. The risks associated are certainly high, but if you truly find the alternative so unacceptable... well. As I said, it is your decision.
[the feathers of his wings chime as they shift.]
Do as you feel you need to. Mitigate the risks as you are able, if you fear them yet choose to move forward.
[She nods. This answer is perfectly acceptable, perfectly sensible, but she still feels conflicted and afraid in a way she never had before, when she has contemplated a dangerous course of action. It's only that this time she has things she cares to lose.]
. . . One other question, on the precise nature of the Oliver Twist gift.
If I borrow someone else's boon, do I need to know what theirs is? And will they still be able to use it, or no?
You need not know what it is, no, though in that case you also will be unaware of what you may receive. I believe it should not render them unable to use it themselves, either.
You will not. But you should also be able to borrow it before you have need of it-- their gift will simply replace yours, albeit in a reduced state, and you may use it at a later time.
Only theoretically. Attempt to use it in this fashion, and the very first person you use it upon who does have a gift will quickly stop you in your tracks. Personally, I would not recommend it.
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w2, sunday
Harrowhark. Have you something on your mind, or did you merely wish to speak?
no subject
[Honestly, even if she did just want to speak, she wouldn't own up to it. But she's here, with her lil friend, too. She crosses her arms across her chest.]
. . . A question, first. Is there any reason that you are aware of that there has been a victim each week from your sin? Do I have cause for concern?
no subject
Do you believe there is any reason for those aligned with Despair to be specifically targeted?
no subject
There is none I am aware of, other than that it keeps happening. Perhaps there is someone who dislikes us. People can have strange motives. A distaste for those who wallow in misery, perhaps. But perhaps there is more to it?
no subject
no subject
While not answering my question, it is cryptic enough to make me even more concerned.
[. . .]
In our first conversation, we discussed my views on killing other participants. That I would not do it for personal gain, but that I would consider it in order to eliminate a threat.
no subject
[but, hm. he arches a brow at that last statement.]
Is there a threat you would eliminate, then?
no subject
[She sighs.]
This is what troubles me. I believe there to be one very strongly, but I lack certainty both in evidence and in my own convictions. And yet, were the evidence so clear, it wouldn't be a dilemma at all; I could simply resolve it at trial.
Therein lies the conundrum. To continue to work to solve it and show my work publicly in order to dispense with it, risking that in the meantime my own life or the life of one dear to me will be threatened, or to be proactive at risk of making a mistake that will endanger my own life and my goals.
no subject
And were you to lay these beliefs out to me, while I am certainly curious to hear them-- I will not be able to confirm them for you, either. In the end, it is up to you whether you will hold to these convictions silently and seek the evidence you desire for them, or whether you will take the risk.
[their claws tap idly against the beanbag they're seated in.]
However, should you choose to act, then we may speak of your plans further once you have made that decision.
no subject
[Maybe she's asking for advice from a murder dad and a non-murder dad at the same time and trying to see where it takes her? Like when you can't make up your mind about something so you ask two people even though you already know what they'll say, to see which answer feels right.]
I swore that I would do nothing to endanger my own life, or end it. That much is clear. But I simply don't know whether action or protective inaction is the better course.
no subject
Each course has its risks and its downsides. I believe that it comes down to this: would you prefer to lose your own life through action or through inaction, given that it is a risk in either case? Would you prefer to risk it over seeing others die thanks to your inaction? And would it make a difference to you, after the fact, if you should learn whether you were right or wrong? In which situation are you best able to live with your decisions and their potential consequences?
no subject
Agreed. I cannot await certainty.
[She'll consider the rest of his questions.]
I must admit that I have a strong dislike for this individual, and I do not feel that I would feel guilty for their death, even if I were in fact wrong. What I fear is rather the vote - that some other person will be killed in my stead, and it will be an outcome much harder to bear.
I also fear that I will die if I try this thing - whether by taking on a target too dangerous for me in my current state, or because I will be selected during the vote. If I am caught, even if I evade death during that trial, I will become the new 'back up.' I think - the likelihood of my own death is higher, if I commit the to this course of action, than if I simply remain on my guard.
But. . . [Hmm. Her voice is a little less confident at this part.] What is unacceptable to me is the possibility that someone dear to me will be taken from me, and that this could have been prevented if I had only been more decisive.
no subject
[the feathers of his wings chime as they shift.]
Do as you feel you need to. Mitigate the risks as you are able, if you fear them yet choose to move forward.
no subject
. . . One other question, on the precise nature of the Oliver Twist gift.
If I borrow someone else's boon, do I need to know what theirs is? And will they still be able to use it, or no?
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
That is good to know. If I try to borrow a boon that has been used, how will I know? It simply won't work?
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
. . . I'll let you know when I've decided on a course of action.