Audience: Ashiya Douman

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Comments

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Ohh, sure-- we can go to your room?

[he's just. shifting closer, easily wrapping an arm around their waist. there, now he's stable.]

[commedia]

[Douman flushes, and turns away, hoping that wasn't obvious.]

Yes, we can. Its not too far from here...

[They wrap an arm back around Envy to keep him stable, hand resting gently on their shoulders.]

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[envy leans in all too easily, not shy about resting his weight against them. they're buff, they can handle it? he knows this very well, okay.]

Okay, okay, lead on-- you won't let me trip, right?

[commedia]

Of course.

[They are not so cruel for that.]

I don't want you to get hurt.

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Well- I don't want you to get hurt either, okay, so just-- just be careful in general! I'll be careful. I'll try to, anyway.

[he's unsteady on his feet, but he is trying very hard.]

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...

[Well, this is going to be a long walk like this. Douman thinks for a moment, before:]

Do you just want me to carry you?

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I- you would? I mean--

[he trips over his feet, he's so distracted by that thought.]

--I'm fine!! I'm fine-- um, yes, absolutely, if you want to carry me why would I tell you no.

[commedia]

Alright.

[And don't watch now, but Douman will just bend down and in one swoop of the arms, will get Ryan up into their grip.]

[Its easy. Of course, Douman has good strength.]

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[please, he's too gay for this. he yelps quietly when he's scooped up, arms wrapping around douman's neck, cheeks a little flushed.]

-I'd say don't drop me, but I don't think I weigh enough for that to be a problem?

[commedia]

Oh no, you're not too hard to carry.

[Douman doesn't see a problem with this? Though when they see that blush...]

[Ah. Envy really is cute. Luckily, with long strides, its quicker to get back to their room. Keeping hold of the Avatar with a hand, they open the door with the other, and move towards the bed to sit, not yet putting Envy down.]

There. Better, yes?

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[he clings to douman the whole way, settling in comfortably-- he rests his head on their shoulder, too, just getting comfy along the way.]

-much better.

[still clinging, not at all complaining about not being put down.]

Probably a lot faster too, huh.

[commedia]

Certainly faster.

[And less risk of Envy tripping and falling flat on their face. Douman doesn't push the Avatar away, just sitting there with him, letting out a sigh.]

I'm glad you're here. You know, I...wanted to talk to you about something. Though in your state...maybe I should let you rest.

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[oh, envy is totally fine with this. he's just occupying douman's lap now, tipsy enough not to be super awkward about it.]

No, tell me, it's fine, I swear I'm not blackout drunk. I'm not going to just, like, forget in the morning.

[commedia]

That's...good.

[And now, even with this whole-ass man in their lap, they're noticeably a little awkward, trying to figure out what to say.]

Um. Gluttony visited us, earlier. And they said something that, uh...I've been thinking about.

[A pause.]

They said that you...um. That you...that if I disappeared, you'd be...upset.

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-of course I would. I mean-- we get along, right, you said so yourself-- I'd rather have you around, even if it's like this.

[even if they're dead, even if he's only met this side of them in death. his brow furrows a little, as he peers at them.]

...did you think I wouldn't?

[commedia]

I mean, I...I'm not used to people missing me. I always just assume people would want me gone. Not that I think you'd think that, but...

[Its hard. When one lives most of their life assuming they're hated, even nice words like that are hard to be incredibly convincing.]

You know, I was thinking of...helping everyone in this mess, especially you, but...also trying to find a way where I could get rid of myself, so that I wouldn't ever turn into Limbo, and spread evil. So that humanity would never have to deal with the monster I became.

[A shuddering sigh. They can't meet Envy's eyes.]

I didn't feel I deserved this second chance at life.

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...it's hard to just, um. Not think things like that, trust me, I know, I'm like five seconds away at any given moment from being totally convinced everyone I like is going to ditch me because I'm weird.

[...the alcohol gives him a case of running-mouth-syndrome, clearly.]

If things work out so that you don't just all stay dead forever-- which also resolves the problem, I guess-- haaave you considered just finding a way not to end up being Limbo instead of, like, going full nuclear on yourself? Then you could-- I don't know. Do stuff with your life to make up for it. Make sure you don't do the same things a second time.

[he's quiet, a moment.]

Usually I'm not, um, a big proponent of like. Going back on death, or cheating it. Fate's usually supposed to be fate, you know? But if you were here in the first place, I think that can be a kind of fate. Maybe you can just hang out with me as a ghost or something, I'm good at that.

[commedia]

...I've thought about it. Staying and seeing if I can just...avoid it.

[They're reluctant to admit it, but they have. But isn't that wrong? Isn't that turning one's back to the problem, leaving the bad seed alone, and hope it doesn't bloom into a flower of evil?]

I-I don't know. I want to think I can just avoid it, because I'm not Limbo, and never want to be, but...it isn't as if that's a separate monster or something. There are traits in Limbo which I know all too well. I don't want to be lax and think I'll simply be "good" when...it is easier for me not to be.

[They lean forward, knocking their forehead gently against Ryan's forehead.]

I feel like I'm falling apart. [A beat.] Gluttony said you'd be heartbroken if I destroyed myself, and...you've already been through so much pain. I don't want to be someone who adds more to that.

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Wh- wait, hang on, they really said that-?!

[his eyes widen at that, the flush on his cheeks coming back with a vengeance, but he doesn't pull away from douman.]

I mean, um, yeah, I wouldn't- I really don't want to see that happen to you? Not like that, I mean, it's one thing if you end up consumed or something but-- I don't want you to destroy yourself.

[commedia]

Well, they admitted they said it for a rather mean reason, but...

[Douman sighs. Their eyes flutter closed.]

What if I become that monster? If I decided to stay because of that - because of you - could I really avoid that fate, somehow?

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...maybe. Nothing's for sure, but you could always, y'know. Decide to get rid of yourself later if it starts going bad, instead of right off the bat?

[he just. reaches up to run one hand through their hair, staying close.

if i decided to stay because of you-- that's all he's ever really wanted, honestly. for someone to make that kind of decision because of him, to want to be around him. he just wants to be wanted, for someone to actively pick him for once.]

I, um. I don't know how things are going to work out, in the end. It's pretty unlikely you guys are getting out of here. But if you stayed for me, I wouldn't leave you.

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...

[Once again, that soft feeling, and that wrenching guilt in their chest. After everything Limbo did, would they deserve happiness? Someone by their side? The joys of being seen, and not being rejected, simply for being what they are?]

[But then again, isn't this an act of spite to Limbo, too, who couldn't love and was unable to love? The darkness of their heart could never comprehend this.]

[Ashiya Douman draws back, staring into Envy's eyes.]

You really wouldn't? You would have me, everything that I am?

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...if, um, if that's something we actually get to have, then- yeah? I mean- you know, I see ghosts and everything, it's literally not a problem for me if you're dead.

[there's just, uh, trying to not let douman get fully vored? that is the big complication, here, but he politely does not say it. he just reaches up to rest a hand on the side of douman's face, doing his best to keep his eyes on theirs. his vision's a little swimmy, but it's fine. he's good.]

I like you, you know.

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...

[They sigh.]

I...like you too.

[And they lean forward, capturing Ryan's lips in a gentle kiss.]

[probe]

[he leans into it, a little more eagerly on his end-- one hand stays on douman's cheek, while his other arm slides around them, staying close. excuse him while he just wiggles and shifts in their lap a bit, turning to properly face them rather than being draped across them; he's more or less just straddling their lap now, settling right in with a little hum. there we go. much better.]