Audience: Ashiya Douman

[probe]

Comments

[probe]

Shiya! Um- well. Unless you don't want me to call you that.

[force of habit... he looks a little sheepish, reaching up to pat their hand by way of returning that contact.]

But no, it's easier on me than some of the others.

[commedia]

Oh! Oh, no, that's fine.

[Its honestly a cute nickname, even if its not something Douman is used to, of course.]

I think they said that Sloth, Despair, and you have it easier than the others. Perhaps with the nature of this place? I'm glad it wasn't that difficult...

[probe]

I'm a medium, you know? So I'm already pretty close to the dead. I think it's probably something to do with that.

[just try and keep him away from dead people.]

[commedia]

A medium? Ah...so you're already leaning on the wall between life and death.

[And they seem to remember something, and give a bow.]

I apologize. I forgot my manners. You know, I was...nervous about meeting you. But I think I would like to simply...start from scratch. Clean the board. Know you on my own terms. If that would be fine with you.

[probe]

Literally, yes. I kind of exist in both.

[it's all interplanar bullshit, he will leave it at that.]

But, um-- of course that's okay with me, I just- I don't want to make you uncomfortable? I might, anyway, it'll be kind of an adjustment, but. I'm going to try.

[commedia]

No, its alright.

[And a pause, before they reach out a hand to take Envy's?]

Let's just walk around together. And talk.

[probe]

[envy takes that hand, with a relieved little smile.]

-yeah. Yeah, I think that sounds good.

[commedia]

[Time to walk along, hand in hand.]

So tell me about yourself. You said you were a medium, correct? But...have you always been like that?

[Or was it a training thing?]

[probe]

...always, yeah. I, um- most people can't do what I can, where I come from? They don't usually believe in ghosts at all, not really. So it was... hard.

[commedia]

Oh, really?

[A squeeze to the hand, possibly unconscious.]

That must have been lonely.

[probe]

...it was. I've lived on my own for a while, it's-- I can't really mesh well with other people, usually. The dead usually look just like living people to me, so I don't... I end up looking like I'm talking to people who aren't there.

[commedia]

...

[Being seen as someone outside the norm because of what you are, what you can do...]

[Douman knows that too well.]

It may be scary for most, but...I think a skill like yours is valuable.

[probe]

[he holds onto their hand a little bit tighter.]

I like to think so, anyway. It is for the ghosts-- they don't have a lot of people who can speak to them, much less interact with them.

[commedia]

Well, of course. The dead are the dead. Cut off from life, some do what they can to persist as they are.

[A huff.]

I am no medium, myself, but ghosts, evil spirits, beings that dwelt in other worlds...some could post harm. But some simply wanted to live. Well, "live".

[probe]

It's like that for a lot of them that I know. They just-- they're not ready to go anywhere. They want to be acknowledged, and to be able to communicate. It's lonely for me, yeah, but.... it's even lonelier for them.

[commedia]

...

Do you wish your life was anything different, Envy?

[probe]

...yeah.

[he admits that quietly, glancing aside.]

I used to just-- want to be normal. To not have everyone think I was crazy, get to live like other people do. I still kind of do, sometimes.

[commedia]

[If only wishes were horses, beggars would ride.]

I understand. Is...that the wish you wanted granted? If assuming you were once like us...

[probe]

I don't know anymore. I keep thinking about it, you know? With all of you guys around-- I keep wondering about what I'd want, if I was in your position. I thought I'd probably just want to not be alone.

[he pauses for a few moments, there.]

But then I thought about it more, and-- I already have that here, sort of. This is the first time I've ever had this many people around, or this many who actually want to hang out with me, but it's still not... it's not enough on its own.

[commedia]

[Douman looks down at their held hands.]

What do you think is missing?

[probe]

...the more that I get close to people, the more I can tell that I'm not-- everyone likes other people more. If they had to pick, they wouldn't pick me. And it's just--

[he huffs out a humorless, almost nervous little laugh, reaching up to run his fingers through his hair in a restless gesture.]

I'm jealous as fuck of it! I mean, I'm Envy, of course I'm going to be, right? I can't... I really can't help it, even if I wanted to. But I just want to feel like someone really would pick me over everyone else, and they wouldn't. They're all going to leave me.

[commedia]

...

[And that is why Omi's rejection hurt so badly, even though Douman already knew that, deep down. To be wanted, and wanted alone...]

[And now here they are, no longer Limbo, who used Envy for their own needs. Would Limbo have chosen Envy, and Envy alone? Obviously not, with what they did to Omi.]

...Its a horrible feeling. I know it too well. The fact that you feel sidelined. The fact that...you will never be good enough.

[They hang their head.]

In the end, we're nothing more than ghosts ourselves. I'm...tired of being tossed away.

[probe]

-yeah. That's exactly it. It's just-- I know I'm not going to be enough, not for anyone else here.

[he's still clinging to douman's hand, like he's afraid if he lets go, he won't get it back.]

...I don't want you to end up being tossed away, either, it sucks.

[commedia]

Ha.

[What a thing to say. Douman also doesn't let go, also desperate.]

[The people of Limbo, they lived in longing-]

Nobody has ever said that, about a wretched soul like me.

[probe]

...then I guess you can't say that about yourself anymore, huh?

[that comes with a little squeeze of their hand.]