Though, hearing you say that does make me want to prove you wrong. [ both for the lack of optimism and for the actual point of the conversation itself. he takes a long drink before he speaks, again.] I told you before; my grave is predestined, on a battlefield in Great Liang. I'll make whatever decisions I have to make for the good of my country, while I'm here.
[ there's a pause. gu yun looks up from his drink, watching pride for a moment longer. ]
...Don't you feel a little stubborn over it, too? [ rereading threads and seeing half your tag get eaten be like ]
[ watch all you like! he doesn't seem to mind it, though, there's a moment where he glances at the filled cup, the offering, and then back to pride. ]
I suppose you aren't wrong. We can't control the decisions of others, after all, whether they're stupid or intelligent or neither. All we can do is try and influence the outcome of whatever decision they make, and live with what we do or don't do to help it or stop it.
[ gu yun shrugs a shoulder. ] In my own case, I've assessed the situation and decided that I'm going to live with whatever consequences come from the decisions that I'm making. I'm sure you have too.
...I'd rather have taken action to do something than regret doing nothing, even if I fail.
A long time ago, I did exactly that. Influenced outcomes. Made a web. Got far with it, too. [...] The second I put my trust in someone else to handle part of that web, that someone decided the web wasn't big enough for two spiders.
I would assume, as a general, as someone with any sort of authority - this has happened to you before. Humans are instinctually selfish.
[ for a long moment, he thinks about the old marquis. about the rumors surrounding the circumstances that blinded him and deafened him. about emperor li feng - about his face, bloodied and beaten. is that the future that terrifies the emperor at night? ]
...I value loyalty and trust more than I value anything in this world, Pride. My second in command is the only person in my life that I trust with my entire being, and that is because we have been side by side since we were children. There are even still has things he doesn't know about me, and there are few things that he handles for the exact same reason. I'd rather do it myself.
I don't trust the Emperor to provide the supplies necessary to care for my camp. I don't trust the Emperor not to try and remove me from power because he sees me as a threat to his power, despite the fact that I would rather sacrifice myself than betray my country, whether I like him as a person or not. There are so many people in my realm who would see me dead to sleep easier at night, and many more who even now lie to my face as if we are friends. I've relied on being burned to teach me not to avoid, but to see.
[ people tend to see gu yun as that second spider, at least in his own realm. it's not a situation he's unfamiliar with from the other side, either. ]
The few things that I have told people here have been mostly taken from me without my permission. [ his sight. his hearing. his greatest weakness, the one thing here that could easily get him killed. ] And a week from now, I will likely be placed in a position of extreme vulnerability that I am sure you're already aware of. I intend not to show that to anyone until I can find a solution for it, and I only even speak of it now because I'm sure you already know - and if you didn't, you could just look it up.
So. I didn't have a choice in revealing that information, but I'm not shying away from it, now, because the people who know it could help me, when I need them to help me. It could harm me just as badly, but I have to take that risk. There are far too many factors here out of my control for me to decide to play it safe.
The same thing I always do. Act like nothing's wrong. It won't be the first time I've been trapped without my medicine in a situation that was dangerous. Worst comes to worst, I'll pretend to injure myself on Sunday and say the effect from the pod was it took my hearing away. Draw the mark on my face with Yuri's eyeliner.
... Do you know what my father said to me, when I recovered enough from the accident that I was conscious?
[ it's. it's funny, what pride says, actually. gets the corner of his mouth to lift, as he finally sets his drink down and looks at them properly. ]
"Either learn how to stand up, or find a place to hang yourself." [ the gu family would rather have no heir than raise a worthless child. the phrase drove itself to gu yun's heart like an iron nail, when he was eight years old, and has driven his every movement in life ever since. this. this is why pride is his main aspect. ]
I didn't get where I am today because of some lucky concoction made by a doctor. Had I used it as a crutch, I would have died a long time ago. Imagine I run out in the middle of a battlefield. Imagine I'm being attacked and suddenly, my senses fail me. Imagine my enemies find out I can't see. I can't have that happen. [ the marquis of order doesn't show weakness, after all. the marquis of order, the iron spine of great liang, is unbreakable, infallible. ]
I've been canvassing the base and memorizing the layout, and preparing myself for what I knew was coming. If there's a way to get my medicine before then, then I'll do it, but if there isn't, then I am in no way handicapped by the things I have never had.
[ he laughs. ] Well - I suppose I didn't have much of a specific "plan" short of "do what I always do".
[ gy your daddy issues.
anyway, he's picking up his drink again to down the rest. ] I have my ways. [ it's fine. ] You might enjoy it, actually - I try not to talk too much, or I end up yelling.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[which is maybe why they don't like envy very much, but who knows.]
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Think that's going to happen to us? [ he probably doesn't need to clarify, considering envy's wiped out group. ]
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Not very optimistic.
[ ... ]
I don't want it to. [ .... ] Not just for myself, either.
Perhaps surviving out of desire and spite alike is a bit prideful, too. Stubbornness is a double edged sword.
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[dry, as usual.]
The attachment you have to the others is going to disappoint you. And probably kill you, in the end.
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Though, hearing you say that does make me want to prove you wrong. [ both for the lack of optimism and for the actual point of the conversation itself. he takes a long drink before he speaks, again.] I told you before; my grave is predestined, on a battlefield in Great Liang. I'll make whatever decisions I have to make for the good of my country, while I'm here.
[ there's a pause. gu yun looks up from his drink, watching pride for a moment longer. ]
...Don't you feel a little stubborn over it, too? [ rereading threads and seeing half your tag get eaten be like ]
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I've been called stubborn plenty of times. [they say, finally.] And I wouldn't argue that. But it's more for my own benefit.
I don't see the point in trying to make sure anybody but me survives.
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I suppose you aren't wrong. We can't control the decisions of others, after all, whether they're stupid or intelligent or neither. All we can do is try and influence the outcome of whatever decision they make, and live with what we do or don't do to help it or stop it.
[ gu yun shrugs a shoulder. ] In my own case, I've assessed the situation and decided that I'm going to live with whatever consequences come from the decisions that I'm making. I'm sure you have too.
...I'd rather have taken action to do something than regret doing nothing, even if I fail.
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A long time ago, I did exactly that. Influenced outcomes. Made a web. Got far with it, too. [...] The second I put my trust in someone else to handle part of that web, that someone decided the web wasn't big enough for two spiders.
I would assume, as a general, as someone with any sort of authority - this has happened to you before. Humans are instinctually selfish.
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Of course.
[ for a long moment, he thinks about the old marquis. about the rumors surrounding the circumstances that blinded him and deafened him. about emperor li feng - about his face, bloodied and beaten. is that the future that terrifies the emperor at night? ]
...I value loyalty and trust more than I value anything in this world, Pride. My second in command is the only person in my life that I trust with my entire being, and that is because we have been side by side since we were children. There are even still has things he doesn't know about me, and there are few things that he handles for the exact same reason. I'd rather do it myself.
I don't trust the Emperor to provide the supplies necessary to care for my camp. I don't trust the Emperor not to try and remove me from power because he sees me as a threat to his power, despite the fact that I would rather sacrifice myself than betray my country, whether I like him as a person or not. There are so many people in my realm who would see me dead to sleep easier at night, and many more who even now lie to my face as if we are friends. I've relied on being burned to teach me not to avoid, but to see.
[ people tend to see gu yun as that second spider, at least in his own realm. it's not a situation he's unfamiliar with from the other side, either. ]
The few things that I have told people here have been mostly taken from me without my permission. [ his sight. his hearing. his greatest weakness, the one thing here that could easily get him killed. ] And a week from now, I will likely be placed in a position of extreme vulnerability that I am sure you're already aware of. I intend not to show that to anyone until I can find a solution for it, and I only even speak of it now because I'm sure you already know - and if you didn't, you could just look it up.
So. I didn't have a choice in revealing that information, but I'm not shying away from it, now, because the people who know it could help me, when I need them to help me. It could harm me just as badly, but I have to take that risk. There are far too many factors here out of my control for me to decide to play it safe.
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I've already told you this, but you talk too much. [this time, they sound slightly amused.
give them a second, they're thinking about all of that.]
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he's obviously kidding, though. ]
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glad you think so! ]
The same thing I always do. Act like nothing's wrong. It won't be the first time I've been trapped without my medicine in a situation that was dangerous. Worst comes to worst, I'll pretend to injure myself on Sunday and say the effect from the pod was it took my hearing away. Draw the mark on my face with Yuri's eyeliner.
[ pride his plan is "pride his way through it" ]
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I don't understand how you expect to move around if you can't hear or see.
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[ it's. it's funny, what pride says, actually. gets the corner of his mouth to lift, as he finally sets his drink down and looks at them properly. ]
"Either learn how to stand up, or find a place to hang yourself." [ the gu family would rather have no heir than raise a worthless child. the phrase drove itself to gu yun's heart like an iron nail, when he was eight years old, and has driven his every movement in life ever since. this. this is why pride is his main aspect. ]
I didn't get where I am today because of some lucky concoction made by a doctor. Had I used it as a crutch, I would have died a long time ago. Imagine I run out in the middle of a battlefield. Imagine I'm being attacked and suddenly, my senses fail me. Imagine my enemies find out I can't see. I can't have that happen. [ the marquis of order doesn't show weakness, after all. the marquis of order, the iron spine of great liang, is unbreakable, infallible. ]
I've been canvassing the base and memorizing the layout, and preparing myself for what I knew was coming. If there's a way to get my medicine before then, then I'll do it, but if there isn't, then I am in no way handicapped by the things I have never had.
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That's much more prepared than what you would've had me believe before. [they say, tilting their head.] I don't expect you to be weak or unprepared.
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[ gy your daddy issues.
anyway, he's picking up his drink again to down the rest. ] I have my ways. [ it's fine. ] You might enjoy it, actually - I try not to talk too much, or I end up yelling.
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[they say, dryly. that's... all they can say, actually, dammit.]
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there's a beat, as he looks down at his now empty glass, turning it in his hand. ]
...Hey, Pride. I've got a week of this left.
What do you look like, under there?
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If I don't show you, it's better incentive to figure out how to get your medicine.
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[ he props his chin in his hand, a smile curling up on face, playful. ] Any hints?
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[ TEASING he's teasing. ] Hmm. The first, perhaps, if you're feeling kind. The second, I don't want to waste the surprise.
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