Audience: Tartaglia Childe

[probe]

Comments

[toyska]

I never bully Wrath! Wrath bullies me!!!

[HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO LEARN ABOUT THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP WHEN WRATH INSULTS HIM EVERY FIVE SECONDS, LUST!!!!]

[probe]

it would be nice if neither of you bullied each other, actually!
idk something about your face just bugs them. maybe a makeover would help?

[toyska]

It's really not my fault, you know? I like them!

[This is actually true

Also he already got a makeover last week and I'm very sad that I wasn't able to retcon it into other threads. Tragic. Lust not taking his side in this moment is why he will never make a real friend.]

How am I supposed to fix that...

[probe]

hmmm...
well, what do you guys talk about?
like what happens when they start being mean to you?
what causes it?

[toyska]

[Normally he'd probably say "their personality causes it" but Wrath is the only other person he's a brat to so he cannot. Annoying.]

I really don't know. They insult me out of nowhere.

[Childe: I have some food do you want some
Wrath: I wanna squash you like a bug, garbage man]

I don't mind! It doesn't bother me. [tbh 90% of the time it's just funny because Wrath is still nicer to him than most people back home. However!!] But it's unfair to ask me not to say anything back, isn't it?

[DON'T POKE THE CAT'S TUMMY IF YOU DON'T WANT HIM TO SCRATCH, WRATH]

[probe]

i GUESS
...part of it might be my fault, actually
oops

[toyska]

[Childe is going to leave this game with a worse understanding of friendship than what he started with]

what

[probe]

...i maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe told wrath about what you said to me when you asked if i killed tamaki
i'm sorry! but it was really upsetting!

[toyska]

[Ah. Well, he already knew that, so.]

Oh, that
Why are you apologizing? That's my fault, not yours

[This isn't even Niceness Week, he's just able to accept the consequences of his actions, even if he only understands them in a very weirdly objective "I GUESS" kinda way.

Also Wrath was a butt to him before that anyway because he had the audacity to point out that y'all probably aren't dumb enough to recruit a bunch of criminals and psychopaths without researching them first, how dare he.]

[probe]

yeah you're right but also wrath is probably still mad about that, too
it didn't help your case

[toyska]

[Well, that's fine, it's not like I don't know they have terrible opinions--

backspace backspace backspace

It's okay, they haven't killed me yet so that must mean they like me well enough--

backspace backspace backspace

...

Let's loop back to the start--]

so would they have to be nice to me in person

[probe]

probably!

[toyska]

[HehehehHEHEHEHEHE]

Help me make them a gift? I'm not sure what they'd like.

[Look at him. So sweet. So pure. Such a nice boy, trying to make amends. Who wouldn't trust this face.]

[probe]

[they are going to curbstomp him.]

kitchen? food's the easiest

[toyska]

[STOP!!!]

Alright!

[probe]

see ya xoxo

[and when childe gets to the kitchen, lust is on the counter in short pajama shorts (pink) and an oversized pink hoodie with their symbol on the front, eating a bowl of cereal.]

Cupcakes, cookies, something else?

[toyska]

[I know this means Lust is sitting but the idea of Lust standing on the counter and eating is also very funny

Anyway! A wave. Hello. Let's be nice to Wrath.]

Are those their preferences, or are they not particularly picky?

[probe]

[they could stand on the counter if they wanted. let them be tall.]

Nah, they're not too picky. Mostly. Luca tried making them a cake and apparently that didn't go over as well as he hoped, but he also isn't a very good baker.

[toyska]

[Oh... poor Luca.]

Well, I wouldn't say I'm a master chef, but I won't ruin it. [Honestly baking's probably the thing he does the least, but he's got so many siblings that he's definitely at least made like. Snowball cookies or something. So that's what they're doing, because I said so. This is the first recipe I found.] What about you? Do you like it?

[Are you gonna help or are you here for moral support]

[probe]

I like it, but I'm not as good at is as my mom or even Wrath or Envy. I wouldn't mind getting better though.

[they will help.] You just tell me what to do and I'll take care of it!

[toyska]

Hmm... have you ever heard of-- [A pause, as he switches to Fake Russian.] Русское чайное печенье? [Why is this word so long for these damn cookies] Nuts, butter, sugar, flour.

[I will research how they made these back in Ye Olde times if I must, but I do not want to. Please save me and teach him about food processors.]

[probe]

[this is so much for cookies, but lust dutifully shakes their head.]

Maybe by another name, but that doesn't sound so hard. Wrath's good with simple. How do we start?

[there will be kitchen lessons...]

[toyska]

[STOP MY TINY DETAILS!!!

Also since Genshin has almonds I'm making the executive decision that they have hazelnuts, which Childe is going to pull out of the magical pantry that conveniently has their other ingredients too (besides the butter). Amazing.]

It's been a while since I've made them, but my mother always insists on toasting these first, just for a few minutes. [Shaking the nut container a bit.] Then we'd clean them off and chop them up. That was my job.

[Of course it was. (I'm making this up, for the record)]

[probe]

That doesn't sound too hard. [i'm really glad for him. lust is going to finish their cereal and hop down to scuttle to the oven to turn it on.] We can let that preheat for a bit!

[they will also grab a food processor because that seems better than cutting up nuts by hand.] Did you bake with your mom a lot before you left home?

[toyska]

[While Lust does that, he'll get out the bowls and measuring utensils. He'll also go wash his dang hands because that's important.]

No, not really. I spent more time with my father. [That was a long time ago, though.] But it's the sort of household where everyone's expected to do their part.

[There are TOO DANG MANY OF THEM for it to be any other way.]