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GRAVEYARD ✨
POPULATION: GHOST TOWN
You die - and then you wake up.
For a second, it feels as though you can't breathe, and then your head breaks the surface. You crawl out of a pool of blood and into a large, crystalline room. Moving images play across the crystal walls, and if you watch close enough, you'll realize that you're seeing the land of the living; a familiar space station with familiar faces. You can watch these images for as long as you'd like - there are several very large benches (as in, you have to climb them to sit on them) around the room for you to rest on while you do.
Regardless of how you died, it seems as though you're not quite gone completely. You're in one piece, at least. That's good news. However, your surroundings are not exactly what you remember.
When you exit the first room, a bleak, empty city sprawls out ahead of you.
The city itself is large. The framework of it seems to tower higher and higher than you can see, up into the black opal sky that shivers and curls every so often. A river entirely made of blood runs through the city, winding around buildings and ending at the crystal room. The most noticeable thing about the buildings themselves is the fact that thorny vines made of pure white steel dig into the walls and floor, cracking the foundations.
The residential building is worn down and old. It's two floors, and has a few small studio apartments built for one or two people to live in. The beds are extremely uncomfortable. It has a communal area downstairs, but the TV is broken, and the couches are torn apart. Sometimes, this building feels obscenely hot in temperature, and smells like rotten eggs.
The grocery store is your typical convenience store. There's a large selection of food in this area, but it all tastes the same - like chalk. On top of this, every so often there will be bloodstains on the walls, the floor, and the displays. They change in size and location, each time you enter the store.
The clothing store is thrifty in nature. All the clothes here are uncomfortable and scratchy, and don't fit quite right. While you're here, time feels... weird. Distorted, almost dreamy. As you're picking out clothes and trying them on (no money needed, just take what you want), you swear you can hear a gunshot in the distance.
Enjoy your time in this city, and remember...your story isn't quite over yet.
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He doesn't have much time to mull it over further, though, because suddenly an alarm starts blaring and a squad of four people hurry out of the bank further down the block, cackling with sacks full of money, their faces hidden by ski masks. Dollar bills litter the road behind them as they gleefully make their escape, when--
"Never fear, citizens!"
No one was really panicking, just...watching in confusion, but some muscular man in neon spandex and a chiseled jaw and perfectly coiffed hair is descending from the air, posing confidently in the middle of the street.
"I'll take care of this!"
Vlad smacks himself and drags his hand down his face.]
Oh, for the love of--really?
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[Luca your brand
But no, while Luca is too busy taking in the sight of that spandex-clad generic hero, the four bad guys running down the street will start to panic.]
"Run! He's here!"
[And the hero just laughs a hearty laugh]
"HA! You cannot run from the gaze of JUSTICE!"
[And the hero shoots laser beams out of his eyes at the crooks. They scream as their clothes explode off of them.
Nothing else happens. They're just naked now. And screaming and crying as they try to run but are stuck making pinup model poses as they run.
And Luca's smile drops into a frown.]
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What... what's happening? I wasn't really paying attention to the instructions...
[He moves to hold onto Luca's sleeve with one hand. The super hero is easily able to catch up to the naked criminals because of their posing.
"I told you, villains! You cannot run! And now that I've caught you... it's time to die!"
And he pulls out a machete????]
... Should we help?
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[ Vlad honestly can't even parse out who he'd want to help in this hot mess.
And it only becomes more of one when the superhero(?) cackles and begins slicing away at the robbers, rendering them as little more than screaming flesh chunks littered on the ground while blood spurts everywhere.
One of the robbers spots our three deadzos and begins crawling towards them along the ground very seductively. With one of his legs completely chopped off, it's a very bloody, very wiggly process. but also sexy.
"Please! You have to help us! We only wanted to raise enough money to buy enough milk for the baby orphans!" he cries.
Vlad only wrinkles his nose in disgust. What part is he disgusted by? Who knows. ]
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He's going to stumble backwards a bit as the man crawls towards them, which makes him bump into Fukuda and try to push him back a bit too.]
Ah- sorry, we shouldn't get involved-
"NONSENSE!"
[That's the superhero, who seems to have taken notice of the trio.]
"Crime doesn't pay, and we should all fight it! Even weaklings like yourself have a place in the constant battle against evil!"
[The superhero is walking towards the three of them. Catwalking. He's walking like he's at a Vanity Fair event.]
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I don't know how you expect to win us over, talking like that... Mr Vlad and Luca aren't weaklings.
[Captain Laser Blade™ scoffs, and steps on the sexily crawling bleeding robber, turning his gaze down to shoot his laser eyes into the man's head. He slumps over, presumably dead??
"Only a weakling would let scum get this far! But with the right tutelage, even you three could become competent wards... And maybe more?"
He steps forward to clap Fukuda on the shoulder with his non-machete hand as he strikes an alluring pose. None of that really matters much though because then there's a whirring noise and the next moment Fukuda's sunk a power drill into Captain Laser Blade™'s head.]
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Buttered scones, are you mad?!
[ Captain Laser Blade is screaming like a banshee now, hands clawing at his head even though none of that will change the fact that there's a drill in it and blood is spurting out quite violently. It gets on all three of them, and Vlad has a whole new thing to be annoyed about now, but then Captain Laser Blade passes out. From shock, blood loss, or something else? Who knows. But he does fall very sexily, and his body falls to the ground artfully, like you'd see in a titillating magazine ad. ]
Is that all it takes to get you started on the drilling?!
cw: gore
Captain Laser Blade is soon ass-up on the ground though. Even in death(?) there's something painfully risque about all of this. Luca hates it all so much.]
WHY?!
[That is definitely directed at Fukuda. Holy shit dude.]
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Well... I got annoyed, and then suddenly there was this drill in my hands, so I thought it was what I was supposed to do?
[Surely this makes sense?]
It didn't have to be that messy, though. If he'd just stayed still...
[It's just then that two more super heroes arrive on the scene. They start to say a heroic entry line but it's quickly cut off by shock at the untimely demise of their comrade. They lament his death while posing sexily in each other's arms, but they're probably going to do something about it once they're done.]
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[ what with, you know, YOUR OWN FUCKING HOLE IN THE HEAD, FUKUDA
Sure enough, one of the sexily lamenting heroes has finally taken notice of them and points menacingly in their direction!
"You! You'll pay for what you've done to our magnificent, sensual Captain Laser Blade!"
They pull out of seemingly nowhere....a long whip with tiny little spikes attached all along its length. For pain and pleasure. But mostly pain. ]
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I have nothing to do with this man! I didn't kill anybody!
[But he might be guilty by association, because the second superhero is getting a weapon out. This one is a giant fucking broadsword with 'love paddle' written on the side.]
"We will avenge you, Captain!"
[And they. Are going to launch themselves at the three unfortunate men.
...two unfortunate men and a drill-holder.]
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That's what I'm telling you. With a steady hand and immobilized head it doesn't have to be messy at all.
[Anyway! This is bad! It's one thing to drill a man who didn't see it coming, it's another with people actively aggressing them. He's not a fighter.]
Mr Vlad, you're the strongest one here, probably. You should fight them.
[He and Luca are both skinny nerds.]
I think if you imagine a weapon it will appear?
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[ Vlad is incredulous, and incensed at the idea that Fukuda isn't sure of his strength, that he might think him weak, and is now determined to prove otherwise.
Also because there's like a bunch of people trying to kill them. That too I guess.
Vlad holds out his hand and--a violently pink ray of energy shoots out, striking both the attacking heroes enough to knock them backwards and drop their weapons. Once the beam recedes, Vlad chuckles darkly and approaches the one with the broadsword, tossing the weapon off to the side before grabbing the man by the shirt and lifting him up just enough for Vlad to punch him hard enough to knock him out cold. ]
Hmph. How's that for probably?
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Yes, good, you're the strongest! Just keep blowing them up!
[And he ducks behind his car again.]
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Anyway he claps for Vlad???]
You're doing great, Mr. Vlad. Ah, but, I was wondering, what were our instructions in coming here again?
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[ Vlad hefts up a baseball bat that has just materialized out of thin air and gives the other superhero a hefty enough thwack! that they are knocked out immediately, slumping to the floor pathetically. and sexily.
Vlad goes to grab the whip to tie the two together while they're knocked out. ]
We had instructions?
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[Does yelling at Vlad for being a clown count as a wrath indulgence? If not, maybe throwing the rearview mirror from the car at one of the superheroes will.
Wow look at how all these superheroes are falling ass-up. It's amazing.]
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[He says while holding a bloody power tool in his hands? Anyway more super heroes are arriving? As if they are attracted by the smell of blood????
One sneaks up behind Fukuda and is holding a knife to his throat as they pose seductively.
"Lower your weapon of your friend gets it!!!"]
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But like. They're already dead and can't exactly die again, here. So what does he care if Fukuda's throat get slit or not? He'll be fine. And besides, he's supposed to indulge in Wrath, right?
Vlad does end up lowering the bat...but only so that he can use the whip in his other hand to lash the spiked end out at the offending hero. ]