TL;CR MEME

[probe]

1. Comment with your character.
2. Receive comments from others.
3. Reply to their comments with long ballads and explanations of your characters' relationship throughout the game.
4. Suffer as we have suffered over your CR.

Comments

[enfangs]

thank god it's the break weeks now

Love arrows happened! And it was awkward, because White still liked Mineo while being in love with Molly, but TRUE LOVE DEVOTION meant that even if there were emotional-affair-adjacent moments, ultimately he was like "well anyway goodbye mineo i have to go pine after molly right now."

This is why he still wanted to go with Mineo on Thursday! Suddenly changing his mind this week would've suggested there was a problem => there was something between him and Mineo when there wasn't??? Regardless of any dokis on White's part, they were just bros being bros......

Romance stuff aside, this is probably when White actually started thinking about morals, thanks to watching Mineo? Not in the sense that he developed any, exactly, but seeing Mineo try so hard to figure this out made White realize that once everything was over, this was also probably the kind of thing he should ponder over instead of just being "welp not going to bother thinking about it."

Basically, Mineo's presence did help lowkey encourage White to try, like... going through the motions of being a good person, at least.

But yeah, for these few weeks, nothing in particular changed. White was stable in shoving down his crush and just trying to support Mineo, even if not always nicely—but he really was just "god I wish Mineo saw himself the way I saw him because then he would (mostly) never have a self-esteem issue again??" Not in that he saw Mineo as perfect, because he absolutely did not, but he didn't know how to make Mineo realize he didn't need to be his own worst critic 24/7 so he just settled for awkward encouragement.

Then they talked about trust and whatnot and Mineo asked if White expected anything from him, and ohhhh, that was a hard question to answer. In the end, he didn't want to say no, because a) he thought it would hurt Mineo, and b) that wasn't exactly true.

BECAUSE I KNOW SOME PEOPLE ARE LOOKING AT THIS [COVERS EVERYTHING WITH MY HANDS] LET IT BE KNOWN

I WASN'T LYING ABOUT THAT CR CHART ENTRY ABOUT WHITE PLACING HIS HEART IN MINEO'S HANDS!!! IT WASN'T MEANT ROMANTICALLY!!

Mainly, it was meant as... all-encompassing? If White took a close look at himself, he'd have to face the truth that he did expect things from Mineo. In particular, he expected Mineo not to hurt him, and that is honestly a terrifying realization for him. To stay any semblance of well-adjusted, White had to normalize the idea that his life wasn't worth anything to anyone, so for him to hope for otherwise from Mineo was him giving Mineo so, so much power over him.

The single most devastating thing that could've happened to White in the game would've been if Mineo betrayed him. Like, as a kid, White wanted at least one of two things down the line: real friends or love, because those were the things he associated with a normal, happy life. At this point, White has pretty much given up on the second one, but friendship is no less meaningful to him?

Mineo is the person who makes it clear he's happy for White's company no matter what, who wants to hear anything he has to say even if it's not kind or easy, who wants to know about his life for him and not just out of simple curiosity, who drops what he's doing if he has reason to think White feels lonely. As someone who's always been expected to give more than he takes, he's kind of baffled that Mineo, after already giving so much, still thinks White deserves more? The gist of it is that Mineo is one of the few people who (openly) sees him as a person with a meaning—so the worst thing Mineo could do is take that back.

Best friends!!

... And then along came Mineo killing Childe.

First, the more minor issue: that Mineo didn't tell him anything and in fact basically lied, even if primarily by omission, and kind of manipulated White into solving it. As White's said, he's used to being kept in the dark, whether here or back home. So, given some time, he would and did get over it. But in previous weeks, Mineo had wanted White to expect more from him than that, and deep down, White did. He suspected Mineo at least knew something based on the way he acted Friday, but he was torn between the belief that if it was important then Mineo would tell him versus this just being another thing Mineo couldn't tell him because it was secondhand info from someone else.

Which... it was not, and that's why this time especially stung even though White has always known that Mineo doesn't tell him things.

White moved on, but the end result of this mess (and Endorsi also ruining his night, because why not learn that ALL your best friends lie to you in one fell swoop) was that White went back to believing that never mind, keeping his expectations at the bottom like he initially did was the better way after all. Because Mineo said it wasn't about trust and White accepts that, but it made him feel like the butt of a bad joke that multiple people asked if he knew and inadvertently punched him with the implication of "people thought you two seemed close enough that he would tell you these things, but apparently you're not."

The more major thing: though he was hurt, his loyalty to Mineo absolutely came first (it's not like he actually cared about Childe's murder itself) and thus he still tried to reach out even though every reflex was screaming that he was tired of people that night. He didn't want Mineo to think he hated him now or anything! To which, from White's view, Mineo responded by discouraging him from being on his side—it felt like Mineo was trying to walk away from him, or at the very least put up a wall between them.

In return, White was basically protecting himself/testing Mineo by giving Mineo permission to go, except emotionshare made it pretty obvious that what White wanted was the opposite; heck, even without emotionshare, White was already being a lot more openly vulnerable than usual. Like I've said before, if Mineo had left, it would've been... not great? I don't know if White would've acted any differently afterwards, since "logically" it would've just been Mineo exiting to get some space, but it would've broken his trust in Mineo. Not irreparably, but White sure wouldn't be saying anything about it either, since he tends to clam up when he's genuinely hurt, rather than just angry.

It'd be hard for White to put it into words, and it's possibly self-centered and hypocritical of him, but when he was already blindsided by the deception? In that exact moment, he was lost on how Mineo saw him and he was terrified that he'd somehow found the limit to their relationship, and not even over something White did (at least, not deliberately).

Thankfully, Mineo did not leave, and in fact made it clear that he'd always want to stay. Once he did, there was really no doubt that White would completely forgive all of this, even if it'd take some moments to get over the hurt.

Oh, yeah. The second kiss! By now, White kind of figured Mineo probably wasn't straight after all! It only took, what, seven weeks? But he'd realized Mineo and Takeru were probably banging, so Mineo's straight label was already peeling off and then Mineo asking to kiss, without any notion of indulgence, was the confirmation.

Did White think it meant Mineo was actually into him specifically??? Ehhhhh. It set off a few question marks in White's head, but he didn't want to get his hopes up, so his mental gymnastics were that Mineo was apparently smooching a million people* so maybe this was just... how Mineo showed affection in general now... "Mineo was trying to pour how much he liked White through emotionshare" yes White got the idea that Mineo really liked him as best friends. That uncertainty Mineo felt? Clearly him not wanting White to read anything into this kiss, so White... didn't.............

*did not realize Mineo didn't usually initiate kisses

So. Yeah.

Moving on! By the time of endgame, White had accepted and made his peace with the awareness that he and Mineo would go their separate ways and probably never see/talk to each other again. Nothing ever lasts in White's life, good or bad (but mostly the good), so of course the same would apply to his relationship with Mineo?

It's why it's still hard for him to shake off this mindset, even now that they have crossworld communication and travel. He doesn't plan on ever cutting off ties on his end, because again Mineo has found himself a very clingy puppy now, but he is lowkey paranoid that Mineo bonded with him only because of their situation and once he's home he'll move on and find better people to talk to. Especially considering, well, White is still a giant mess, so he wouldn't blame Mineo if he decided that nope, he has enough problems to deal with and he's going to cast off what isn't his obligation.

Because Mineo has a future, and it's all ever White wanted for him, whereas White... doesn't? The irony is that Mineo is both the best and worst thing to happen to him here. Being around him has made White feel like a normal person who had a shot at happiness, but once the high wears off, it's left White even more starkly aware that he's not and doesn't have these things; never really will even once he returns home and gets everything sorted out. (But seeing how hard Mineo worked here does make him wish he could put in the effort, at least. insert "you make me want to be a better person" remarks here)

By the end, all his exhaustion has caught up with him, and what he's dodging in their last thread is that, past the half-hearted plans he's making up for his future, he's pretty burned out on living. At least for a long while, he doesn't have the energy left to be invested in his own happiness, when it feels like a dream that's already over, and would rather focus what he has left on wishing for Mineo's, as his gratitude towards the person who gave him a taste of it to begin with.

So, it's fine if Mineo doesn't have an answer to give him? What Mineo gave him during their time here has been enough, and White'll hold onto it as among his happiest memories.




OKAY I'M DONE FOR REAL SLAMS THIS DOWN also yeah the unfortunate reality is that they could've banged but then they were both bottoms so they didn't