1. Comment with your character. 2. Receive comments from others. 3. Reply to their comments with long ballads and explanations of your characters' relationship throughout the game. 4. Suffer as we have suffered over your CR.
how many times can I say I'm delighted I got becks cr this game because I'M DELIGHTED I GOT BECKS CR THIS GAME!!!
and like, I think yuri was honestly some of his simplest, most pleasant cr. they vibed well--they shared similarities. childe always enjoyed the time they spent together; it was always pretty uncomplicated, and that was a bright spot, because he really did not like the way this place was run.
he didn't tell yuri more about his choice to target lenore specifically partly because he didn't really explain his logic fully to anybody who wasn't involved but also because he figured, by week 5, people either got it or they never would. either they were able to look at him and go "yeah, I can see him killing for ambitious indulgence reasons" or they could not/would not understand that and there was no point in talking to them about it; yuri fell into the former, so it was just kind of like "I don't need to explain because you already know how this place works". he also didn't tell yuri about the revival power from lust because he didn't tell literally anybody about that, closes eyes. but he got the feeling yuri knew he knew more than he was letting on and he wouldn't have minded too much if lust doxxed him to yuri tbh.
I think under different circumstances, and if childe was a little more trusting, yuri's one of the people he would've been willing to talk to more about both of those things, because he figured yuri would probably get it. at least to an extent?? like, he wouldn't expect yuri to be all OH CHILDE UR SO VALID obviously lmfkjdhg but more like just "yeah, I can see your logic".
I think I told you this already, but after he died, lust told him that yuri asked to switch to her team and she was like "is it bad that I said no? I don't want anyone else on my team" and because childe is. childe. he obviously told her she could do whatever she wanted, but privately he was like "idk I think yuri's a good choice? yuri's a good dude." but he also knew she'd had issues with people breaking her trust and not considering her feelings before within the game (himself included in that), so he didn't want to make assumptions. but out of anybody, if she did need somebody on her team, he would've thought yuri was a good choice.
so, childe came into this game fresh from being manipulated by a god, and given the sort of shit he does in service to his own god + his general lack of trust around friendly people (in these circumstances especially, because he came into this expecting a crowd of ruthless ambitious fighters and never really let go of the idea that everyone came here for personal gain), he was honestly probably never going to trust her and form a deep bond with her. but over the course of the game, his view on sqx changed a lot!
it just. was not good. LMFSKJDGH
originally he assumed everyone here was shady in their own way, no matter how friendly they were--mostly because he himself is a genuinely friendly guy who is also fuckin shady and terrible!! but the sqx vs hk-47 execution really made him feel like 90% of the game wasn't cut out to be here. beau and endorsi were well-matched so even though watching it was like "well that was fucked up" for a lot of people, it was more directed to the whole execution situation as a whole. but when it came to sqx and hk-47, suddenly everyone was shocked that the murder robot wasn't going easy on her? for some reason?? so he was just there with all these people screaming and cursing at hk-47 for nearly killing sqx, which was just so stupid to him. he actually bitched about it to mahito LMFKJSDGH he was like "what the hell were they expecting, the murder robot to not be a murder robot? why does everyone suddenly give a shit what happens to this girl they barely know? hello??" so he very quickly realized his views didn't match up with most people's because of that execution. he also immediately slotted sqx as somebody weak LMF he didn't give her any points at all just for surviving, especially when she had help from the audience.
that said, he didn't like, hate her or anything. he used his power to send her flowers mostly because aoi doxxed it and made it useless to use in murder but also because he knew she and ming yi shared a language (kind of) with him and gu yun and he and gu yun were already working together so he figured it was good to stay in their good graces. otherwise he honestly just kind of mostly wrote her off.
AND THEN MEMSHARE HAPPENED and he ended up getting beefleaf lore bookends and THAT really threw their relationship into perspective for him lmfkjhg. he still didn't hold her in very high regard (he doesn't hate noncombatants, he just isn't really interested in them) and he icly got he xuan's memory first, so basically her memory just served as more context for what happened to him. though her reaction to his memory startled him--honestly I think if 1. he hadn't seen he xuan's memory first and 2. he hadn't gotten dragged into covering up luca and vlad's murders that week, he might've been willing to start opening up to her a little bit more. not to the point of trust, but something.
...BUT THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN so instead she got his mantra throughout the whole fucking game: "Trust is a difficult thing, though, and often leads to disappointment." ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
after that, she was a neutral presence for him. nice enough, cared way too fucking much, and just generally kind of existed. somewhere along the line he decided to just. try and help her understand the sort of place they were in, as he viewed it? she seemed very naive and "weak"; as a god, he would've expected her to understand better, so he just sort of fell into the habit of voicing his genuine thoughts around her, albeit in a gentler way. LIKE A SHITTY MENTOR OR SOMETHING even though it wasn't really a conscious decision on his part.
hilariously this whole thread after the eleanor trial really had him reveal a ton about the way he viewed the game and the world in general. especially at the end, when he asked her if one type of kill was worse than the other, and she said "they both still end with a lost life", all he did was nod--but it wasn't in a "yes you're right murder is bad" sense, it was a "exactly so why are we bothering to catch murderers and question their motives in the first place" sort of thing from him LMKJSDGHJKH. GOD. TERRIBLE.
AND THEN WEEK 5 HAPPENED and he was honest with her in their conversation pre-execution. she'd always been kind to him, and he liked her well enough, so he had no reason not to tell her. especially since she wasn't involved in the MURDER MESS that was that week and seemed to just genuinely want to understand him, so he didn't mind giving that to her.
AND THEN THEIR JAIL CONVO HAPPENED AND HE WAS SO FUCKING EXHAUSTED BY IT OH MY GOD. if he could've grabbed her by the shoulders and shaken her for totally missing his point, he absolutely would have. he was trying so hard to drive home the idea that he totally understood why he was in jail, why he was inevitably going to die (with some of his condescending judgment thrown in), and why he was fine with it even though he thought it was stupid that they judged him for playing the game as intended. he truly tried to explain to her how easy it would've been to manipulate them all into thinking he had some noble cause for what he did, and he had to watch the point sail directly over her head... SO FUNNY. it wasn't that he hated her attempts at having faith in him, but by that point he'd long since seen the writing on the wall so he considered it a massive waste of time. he's just too used to living a life of mistrust and hatred, so it didn't bother him at all to be back in that position.
AND THEN THE GRAVEYARD HAPPENED and OHHHHH BOOOOOY WAS FINDING OUT SQX MURDERED ELEANOR THE MOST HILARIOUS THING IN THE GODDAMN WORLD OR WHAT!!!! immediately sqx skyrocketed to the top of the list for "EXAMPLES OF WHY YOU DON'T FUCKING TRUST A GODDAMN SOUL". obviously at that point nobody knew she'd been cursed not to confess, so it really seemed like she was out there playing everybody for goddamn fools. he also knew by then that he xuan had killed kaz, so he was like FUCKIN GODS, MAN!!! DECEITFUL SHITS, EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!!!! but far more than he xuan, sqx was just. complete vindication for the way he didn't trust a single fucking person the wholeass game. it's honestly very lucky that they never got super close, because if he'd trusted her even a little and then found out she was a (perceived) deceitful murderer, it would've been a REALLY BAD FUCKING TIME and probably destroyed any chance of him ever trusting anyone again. like ever. LMFSJKDGH
fortunately that didn't happen so it maintained his status quo! he didn't feel bad for killing lenore and he didn't feel bad for not trusting anybody, so all he really did was feel extremely smug like "thanks for proving my point sqx!!!" he also doxxed his view of her to douman after she spoke up about her dead-switching item (which the whole graveyard hella judged her for lmfkjshgjkhg) I ALREADY LINKED YOU THAT BUT douman was having such a hard time reconciling the sqx they knew with the apparently manipulative murderer she now seemed to be?? so childe was like "oh buddy. let me teach you about how shitty gods are lmao"
SO YEAH by the time the dead came back he really had this solid view of her as a manipulative liar who probably wasn't all that different from her shitty brother, in the grand scheme of things. it didn't affect him personally so he never felt any desire to like. seek her out and try to determine if there was more to it--and honestly even if he had he probably would've believed that anything she said was a lie anyway. maybe if he'd stopped to pay attention to her reasoning for killing eleanor he might've been more willing to talk to her and reconsider, but there's a good chance he would've just figured she was lying anyway, so. I'M SO SORRY SQX childe is leaving the game with the idea that she's a dirty liar and walking proof that trust is for idiots.
"this one will probably be kinda short", I thuoght, sitting down and writing a novel
ara how do you expect me to do a tl;cr when I don't even know what their cr IS!!!!
god. okay. this is going to be a hot mess because I'm tired and idk what even happened here BUT I WILL TRY.
so, one of the very first things childe found out about medb was that she was a liar and also clever. LMFKJDH because his first real exposure was the fact that she claimed to be douman's master when she wasn't, and she knew that they both ought to know she'd been lying. that was enough to pique his interest, along with the fact that she's royalty tbh bc he just kind of naturally sets his sights above his own station no matter what.
ANYWAY one of the first things she said to him was "We all want something, and I intend to want a lot." which he obviously super vibed with!! even though she kept her villainy under wraps, she made it pretty clear very early on what sort of person she is, which automatically set her apart. once he figured out that no, they were NOT all here for an epic battle royale, he sort of mentally sorted people into "worth his time" and "not interested" lmfkjhg and she was in the former group from the start. he never really lowers his guard, but it made it easier to relax around her, because he didn't have to worry that she'd freak out if he let his own ambitions and ruthlessness show.
CLOSES EYES it also honestly helped a lot that she was very blunt about being into him, because he really is just sooo "/shrugs vaguely" about sex and probably would have taken a lot longer to initiate if she hadn't done it first, plus it also would've been very businesslike and unsexy because banging in this game was literally just work to him... but he definitely enjoyed it the most with her bc she was willing to let him have fun in his own way, so that combined with her forwardness also made things more comfortable for him. he really had no problems just saying "yes" to basically whatever she wanted LMKGJDHG he's just very much the spoiling type to begin with and he had no reason to say no to her whims!! it also got him to a place where he would willingly reach out to her and initiate first which was--idk if I'd say important but it meant more, insomuch as anything in a fuckgame with emotional morons can "mean more" lmfkjdhg
ANYWAY
memshare happened!!! medb's one of the few people who got one of his most villainous memories, and like--once he found out it was memshare week he was like "ah shit" and braced himself to get outed as a villain. so he was, obviously, expecting a much bigger and much worse reaction from her than what he got, which threw him off-kilter a little! but it made him think "hunh, maybe my reputation isn't destroyed?!" so he tried to be careful in the way he talked about it because it was still too early for him to come around to the idea that she might actually like him as he was. and then he got her memory in return, which he could recognize showed a side of her that she didn't often show other people--and that not only prompted him to, again, feel more comfortable being himself around her, but also to open up to her and talk about the tsaritsa! by doing that, he was trying to show that he understood that a person can be multifaceted, that he could recognize and acknowledge the different aspects of her and continue to respect her strength. he was also trying to give her a part of himself that he hadn't shared with other people, kind of as an exchange, since she didn't have a choice in showing him that memory and he wanted them to stay equal. that memshare thread is one of my favorites, they had a good talk.
AND THEN WEEK 3 HAPPENED closes eyes... we already talked about this on plurk but!!! when she confessed(?) to him his first reaction was just oh no because HE'D REALLY!! BEEN HOPING!!! THAT SHE WASN'T SOFT!!!! it was driving him crazy that people were getting attached to each other TO THE POINT OF KILLING EACH OTHER FOR GAY DRAMA INSTEAD OF FOR AMBITION he was really just like "omfg y'all are forgetting why we are here!!!" even before the trial his warning signal was blaring because he told her not to get attached to him and she was like IT'S TOO LATE lmfksdhg childe just internally closing his eyes like "not you too". at this point he was still very firmly trying to maintain his own boundaries and trying to hold onto not seriously caring about anybody else in the game because "Trust No One" + "they could be dead tomorrow so what's the point".
so of course his first reaction was rejection!! because he did like her a lot, and he isn't really a cruel man--he didn't want to lead her on, he didn't want to do anything to make her think he would ever be willing to give up his goal for anybody in the game, he tried very hard to make that clear. and if he'd known at the time that she was also really into takeru he definitely would've doubled down on the rejection because he would've seen no point in letting things progress between the two of them lmfkjhg WE COULD'VE HAD MURDER but alas. but like I said before, she managed to hit the perfect combination of phrasing things in a way that made it clear she didn't expect him to put her at the front of his priorities (because he wouldn't), and that she wanted him just as he was and didn't expect him to change (because he couldn't). he still had some concerns because he knew for a fact she was, in a sense, softer than he was (since she still had a no-kill list, even if she acknowledged the drawbacks in having one), but she seemed firm enough in her resolve that it was worth giving in and saying yes to her.
OF COURSE despite how hard he dug his heels in about Caringâ„¢, even he acknowledged that he wasn't immune to forming connections, and he was coming around to accepting that. not smoothly or easily, because he can be stubborn, but it was at a point of like. "I admit that I care but I also think I'm an idiot for it." AND OF COURSE THE WEEK HE KILLED HAPPENED TO BE HER CYOA WEEK!!! honestly icly he probably would have chosen not to because he would've wanted to stick with her but /waves hand in murdergame deadlines. alas. BUT STILL, he was genuinely worried about her, because once he decides to care about you he's a very doting person. that was really the point where he shifted from being annoyed that he cared about her to accepting that he did, because he did want her safe and he didn't like that she'd been zapped away to somewhere he couldn't reach.
but then he didn't have much time to actually deal with it because THE FRIDAY ANNOUNCEMENTS HAPPENED and. yeah. he hadn't told her he was working with mahito because it didn't really matter, to him? since the two of them were doing separate kills in separate places and just working together to cover up. but then mahito DIED and after they talked early on friday gu yun came to him and was like "yeah I killed mahito with your knife and molly and harrow are covering for me" childe basically. knew that he was dead. LMFKJH because he knew molly still had that one item (which would rule out any chance of him claiming it was self-defense) and he knew that mahito had killed aoi (which meant it was down to him and gu yun or a scapegoat for some reason) so he was pretty sure he was gonna get caught.
...BUT HE ALSO KNEW HE HAD THE REVIVAL POWER. Ahaha. touches the ground
I TOLD YOU BEFORE but he didn't tell her that he had it for a few reasons. partly it was because he didn't know for sure it was going to work--there was no point in getting her hopes up if there was a chance it was gonna fail. partly because the knowledge that you could have three abilities at once hadn't been made public yet, and he didn't want to risk someone using an ability on her or someone boxing her into a lie or whatever. and partly because (and this is really the thing that ended up fucking the two of them over in the long run) he'd also grown to care about lust and view her as something like a sibling, and in his own way he was trying to protect her from dealing with the backlash of giving him a revival power.
but since he knew there was a chance he would survive the execution, he was a little softer than he might've been; he had the freedom to be a little more concerned about her survival too, and him tossing her the knife was 50/50 intentionally supporting her + the stupid thing wasn't fully working for him so eh. but he wasn't at all surprised that she used it on him, and he was actually very pleased that she did, because it was proof that she wouldn't let him get in the way of her survival and her goals, which he could respect and appreciate.
I will say that he didn't really expect people to find out that he'd more or less saved himself, but he also made a GRAVE MISCALCULATION in that he genuinely didn't think she'd be that upset with him for lying about it. HE'S REALLY JUST not suited to schemes and manipulation--he said a hundred times in various places that he doesn't like them, and this was no different!!! so between that and his utter inability to relationship normally, it's no wonder that he fucked up so badly lmfkjhg GOD. A DUMBASS.
anyway, after he died and after that conversation with douman, he was braced for her to be mad at him?? but he still didn't... really understand why until after they met again and talked it over. and it was really only when they were face to face again that he could see that he'd hurt her, which he hadn't meant to do--and that, more than anything, was really what prompted him to tell her the truth. he could've tried to make it up to her, or just apologized and left it at that, or whatever, but in that conversation he really felt that, because he cared about her, he thought she deserved to see the full him, even though it was ugly and he knew it would mean she wouldn't forgive him. for him, at that point, honesty was the only thing he had left that was worth anything at all, and that was the best way he could show her that he did actually care about her and her feelings despite everything.
but he's not really a pushy guy, and he's capable of admitting and acknowledging when he's wrong, so at this point he just kind of assumes she never wants to see him again. he believed her when she said she didn't hate him, but he also knows that that makes things so much more complicated than they would be if she did just plainly hate his guts. he just feels like any reminders of him would probably hurt her, so even now that they're removed from the context of the game and he doesn't need to lie to her anymore or anything, he figures that the kindest thing he can do for her is just to give her space and let her go be happier with people who actually know how to have relationships without blowing them up. he wouldn't turn her away if she reached out to him, but the chances of him reaching out to her are pretty low unless he has some good reason for it. :( RIP.
you know, the funny thing is that childe actually kind of hates schemes and deception? like. he specifically has voicelines about it: "Face me in person, man to man, and I'll always have a chance of beating you. Same goes if you're a deity or a monster from the abyss. But the Harbingers? They are more enamored with their intangible methods, spending their days scheming and maneuvering. This is why we cannot get along." even during the main questline when he's revealed to have been the villain, he straight up just goes "yeah I would've skipped all of this to begin with but it wasn't up to me". childe is the sort who will do what it takes to accomplish his goals, regardless of whether or not he personally agrees with it or finds it distasteful, and he came to this game fresh from doing a whole bunch of scheming and plotting that he didn't want to do AND THEN finding out that the whole time he was just being used as a pawn by the gods in THEIR schemes anyway. GOD.
ALL OF THIS RAMBLING IS TO SAY THAT childe came into this game with 0% trust anticipating a trap but not caring, because he was really expecting that it was going to be some super intense, straightforward battle royale where the strongest person would defeat everyone and take their prize, if there even really was a prize. so when he first arrived, he was immediately just assuming that everyone had some kind of hidden strengths or powers, since appearances can certainly be deceiving!! ON TOP OF THAT he and gu yun also agreed to start building a kind of info network like, immediately lmfkjhg so he was gauging people for how likely they'd be to work with him on that.
but he is genuinely a friendly guy, so chatting with people in the beginning was a combination of trying to get a feel for their strengths and weaknesses as potential opponents as well as just getting to know them. but he isn't really the pushy type? for a few different reasons (like, back home he has access to a massive info network so he barely has to do any snooping on his own) but mostly because a lot of the time he operates on the rule of fairness--i.e., if he pries into your business, you're allowed to pry into his. and given that what little trust he has was broken before he came, he was not at all eager to do that here.
so from that perspective, harrow immediately struck him as... not closed off, exactly, but not the sort of person who was going to share a lot very easily? and on top of that, if she did have fighting strength, it was clearly nerfed like his own powers or she was very good at hiding it (bc fight jocks like him are stupid and make it clear pretty quickly that they're fight jocks). so basically he just kind of slotted her into neutral-positive territory and didn't think about it too much. she seemed intelligent enough and focused and clearly not a total normie but that's about it.
THEN THE FIRST CYOA HAPPENED wow!! THAT really got his attention far more than the first trial and execution, because it was a sign that Scheme-y Thingsâ„¢ were happening. he actually did consider going to talk to harrow about it? but he recognized that that would've been like, a super rude and insensitive thing to do and he isn't (always) a (total) asshole, plus he was like "even if I did do that the chances of them telling me what happened are pretty low" since he wasn't particularly close to any of the four of them. so instead he reached out to primrose and gu yun about it and got a little info from them and went to stay in medbay in case something else happened.
ending up in there with the four of them + molly and mineo was. so much. their very sudden and very intense reactions immediately tipped him off to the fact that the simulation was reminding them of something that happened while they were gone, and they clearly weren't going to talk about it so he was just like "oooookay" and set it aside to talk to gu yun about later. AND INDEED on friday he went to gu yun like "hey who told you about the cyoa because all four of them were nutter butters last night so please follow up on this k thx." he asked gu yun which of the four cyoaers he'd spoken to (info for info--he was very careful about not giving away too much for free) and gu yun gave harrow's name, so he passed on her behavior specifically so that gu yun had more to work with, and also took that as an opportunity to slot harrow as--not necessarily gu yun's ally, at that point, but like, "okay, I can leave harrow to gu yun and expect that any info she gets might get back to him." it was eliminating redundancy, mostly--there was no point in working on harrow as an info buddy if gu yun already had her taken care of, if that makes sense? he was trying to cover his bases. the murders and the trials were really barely even on his mind that week.
BUT THEY HAD TO TRIAL ANYWAY and childe was already committed by then to not actually doing any intense participating unless he cared about the people who died (which he really did not want to do because getting attached under these circumstances is for DUMMIES!!!), except that it seemed like people were? actually trying to solve things this time?? and childe didn't have any reason to like, actively hinder people's efforts to find killers, and playing along even a little was objectively better than making a big spectacle about how stupid he thought the whole thing was so he did.
the week 1 execution though. HOO BOY. that was a big turning point for childe, and it really altered the way he viewed basically everybody in the whole game. the hk-47 execution was where people made it exceedingly clear that they were growing attached to each other, that they were really, truly not the sorts of ruthless opponents he'd anticipated facing when he arrived--in his view, anybody who looked at hk-47 and was shocked or enraged immediately belonged in a mental category of "people who are not at all suited to be in this environment." molly kind of?? got a pass but everyone else got judged extremely hard. harrow actually stood out to him here because she was the one who brought up the idea of piling curses onto hk-47 to make him suffer even more--which, like. torture and vengeance isn't really his thing?? but he gets it, and that was one of the first clear shades of her brand of ruthlessness that he saw, so she got to be a little higher up on his list of "people who are not total weenies (and thus I might be able to respect them)". she actually ranked higher than gu yun tbh LMFKJSHG bc that execution and the conversation afterwards was where gu yun lost some of his... not respect, exactly, but... trust? in the sense of "oh I trust you to be ruthless like me". gu yun clearly had a softer core than he wanted people to see, and harrow had a stronger backbone than childe had initially assumed, so that was kind of his perspective moving forward.
and then week 2 was when mahito and endorsi dragged him into MURDER COVER, which was the first step towards getting involved in the murders and the trials more thoroughly. lust told him at the very beginning that his powers weren't locked away forever and I think this is when he found out that murder was what could unlock them again? so he was planning to get his hands dirty pretty early on, he just took a while to make his move. but for this week he did a shitton of cover up work for the two of them, which was a MASSIVE PAIN because that was post-cyoa for him and he had a SKELETON HAND AND COULDN'T HOLD THINGS so he had to time his healing very carefully but at least he had a really solid alibi. which is hilarious because he actually showed up with fresh bruises? from helping cover up fight injuries immediately after regrowing his stupid hand?? I'm in tears
ANYWAY waves hand. that was when he got directly involved in the murder side of things, while harrow was pretty firmly on the "solving murders" side of things, so that's when their paths really began to branch away from each other, and they just kept going that way. he'd agreed to help cover for law as well, but week 3 was SURPRISE MEDBAY TRAP DUN DUN DUN. childe saw law's fingers, but he didn't know it was part of a trap until gu yun came around for a hand check and just blatantly told him that's what it was lmfkjhg. mahito told him that harrow had done his hand check, and then it came out in the trial that the trap was her and molly's idea. and he was impressed!! it was a very clever thing to do--this week was really what got harrow and molly on his radar, and from w3 forward he knew he was going to have to pay closer attention to them. especially harrow, because while he didn't think molly was stupid by any means, he also just got the vibe that harrow bossed him around lmfkjhgg SORRY MOLLY.
THE THING IS, though, that even after they caught law, they were just kind of "...oh :( well we caught you but I'm not voting for you" about it, and childe was just? so baffled?? he had a conversation with mahito about it, like "why the hell are they working so hard to catch killers if they don't like what happens when they do?" he just really could not understand why they were putting their obvious skills and intelligence towards catching murderers and working so hard to do it, only to apparently not be satisfied by the outcome. the execution just made it worse, because they'd been relatively sympathetic towards law the day before, but as soon as he started to fight for his life they immediately started to condemn him and want him dead, and childe was just like "??? what???" about the whole thing. for him it wasn't "a murderer vs. an innocent girl"--he never really let go of the idea of "everyone here is everyone's opponent" and that combined with "we all agreed to come here for something we wanted badly enough that we'd do anything for it" meant that he was never going to view anybody as a truly innocent victim, whether they'd killed someone on the base or not. as far as he was concerned, they were all just equal pawns on a chessboard, and people like harrow were getting way too attached to other pieces and losing sight of winning the overall game.
EVEN SO his respect for her diligence and their clever thinking was genuine; by that point it was also clear that was gu yun was solidly on her "side" of things, which widened the gap between the two of them. this was also around the time childe seriously considered targeting her. he thought about going after molly as well but he figured that would piss off way too many people--harrow he viewed as less popular than molly, but also far more likely to have traps and plans in place, especially since she had two very smart and focused roommates who would care a lot, as well as molly and gu yun, who were both very loud and active. he pretty much decided there were too many potential unknown risks when it came taking her out and decided it was probably safer just to try and work around her whenever he did make his move.
I AM LOSING STEAM BECAUSE I'M TIRED I WILL CONTINUE TOMORROW
OKAY I'M BACK hopefully with less sleep-deprived rambling but probably with more because I have no self-control.
SO ANYWAY like I said, w3 was really what got harrow on his radar of someone to watch out for, since she was clearly intelligent and dedicated to catching killers (and thus highly unlikely to be sympathetic to his ambition). he talked about it with both mahito and endorsi, but at that point he was viewing her as someone he respected for being intelligent and ruthless, but that he also thought was wasting her skill and energy focusing on the wrong thing.
originally he and mahito were going to kill on week 4, but then Kindness Week struck and cucked them so they didn't. but they still discussed it and started putting their plans in place, and those plans were like 90% shaped by endorsi's no-kill list and harrow's dedication to catching killers lmfkjhg. honestly the majority of the reason childe ended up targeting a noncombatant (though part of the reason he picked lenore was because she didn't seem totally helpless) was because he wanted to subvert expectations, since he knew harrow would be relentless about following up on leads and if a strong fighter got taken out, she would look at all the strong fighters left with an equally careful eye. gu yun mentioned to him at some point that he was gonna set up a trap in his own room, so childe was just super convinced that harrow and molly were gonna add more traps to like. the elevator! the sleep bay! places that had a really high chance of catching someone! basically he was trying to play mental chess and plan around her without actually getting on her radar, because it would've been really stupid to approach her out of the blue like "sooo heeeeey any ideas about other traps? just wondering lol"
BUT YEAH. he had nothing to do with w4 trial so he was a spectator to the whole Misa Mess, which, wow!! drama!!! it was interesting to see harrow in action that trial, because like. in part, his respect for her continued to go up--that she was dedicated enough to getting killers caught that she'd doxx someone instead of covering for them, but he also kind of got the vibe that harrow was lying about some things? he didn't buy that harrow would've just cursed misa out of killing and left it at that, and her reaction also seemed like... more emotional and uncertain than he expected? things just didn't seem to piece together cleanly to him. but overall it was once again a case of respect for harrow bc she worked hard to accomplish her goal (catching killers) combined with "wtf is she doing" because she seemed very upset about... accomplishing her goal. HE DIDN'T GET IT MAN.
this convo really just was an accurate representation of his feelings at the time--he didn't want to get caught, but if he did and it was harrow, then he wouldn't mind all that much, because she was a worthy opponent and it would just be a fair loss on his part.
AND THEN WEEK 5... or more specifically, weekend 5. as soon as childe woke up to hear mahito was dead, he was like "oh fuck" because that immediately narrowed down the guilty list, and he already knew people were gonna be more upset about aoi's death than mahito's. he also remembered molly's item, so he figured that automatically meant a 50/50 chance it was gonna be used on lenore's death rooms or aoi's, which severely upped his chances of getting caught (and depending on how the item worked, he wouldn't be able to pretend it was self-defense, which meant he'd just be fucked if they caught him). then gu yun told him he killed mahito (and tried to claim it was self-defense, hilariously, which childe immediately knew was a lie) and basically told him that harrow and molly were covering for him, and once he heard that, childe was like "welp, I'm done for." he knew his only real chance was them not tracing lenore back to him, but the chances of that were very slim if harrow and molly were going to be working doubly hard to make sure gu yun didn't get caught.
childe had endorsi and medb on his side, but the problem with being on team Shady Bastard is that you can't openly defend other shady bastards if you don't want to give yourself away. since childe only chose to rely on people who openly prioritized themselves over him, he never expected them to throw themselves in the line of fire for him. he reached out to them since they both knew he'd killed, but he went into trial on friday not really expecting it to go any way other than it did. iris had given him the revival power early on, so he knew there was a chance he would survive the execution, but honestly even without it his attitude probably would've been the same--just sort of calm and collected. HONESTLY NO MATTER WHAT this would've been him tbh "ARE YOU READY TO BE WRONG?" FJSHKHKj god. what a butt.
I'm rambling again FUCK ANYWAY!!!
tl;dr the moment gu yun told him he'd killed mahito and he was planning to claim it was self-defense with harrow and molly on his side, childe knew that his days were numbered. even if he survived the execution, he knew he wouldn't last long past it, so no matter what, he was gonna be dead soon. which sucked! but he knew the risks, so, eh. but he wasn't going to give them the satisfaction of folding under pressure, so he stood his ground under her accusations until the end. he wasn't exactly happy about getting caught, but at the end of the day it was just a fair loss to worthy opponent, so he was just kind of "/shrugs, fair game" about the whole thing.
HOWEVER, he was very annoyed that gu yun had lied to him about it being self-defense (especially when he'd used his fuckin knife), so when harrow came to talk to him in jail, he intentionally tipped her off that he knew gu yun was a liar and a killer. he didn't go so far as to doxx that he knew the self-defense thing was a lie, since it didn't seem necessary, but his goal was basically like I mentioned on discord, where... it wasn't necessarily to make her suspect gu yun, but to kind of show her that like. he wasn't necessarily the "good" guy she might think he was? BASICALLY from weekend 5 onwards childe just really tried to hammer in the idea of "trust fucking no one you emotional fools" as hard as possible to like, everybody. he thought harrow was too smart to not be on her guard, and he thought she could really benefit from taking a second look at her relationships and reconsidering how much trust she put in people like gu yun, someone who was apparently just as willing to kill for personal gain as childe was (since childe didn't know about his medicine or anything like that).
he did appreciate that she stuck to her guns trying to out-bluff him, though. and he genuinely tried to be (mostly) polite and cordial to her, since he liked her, even though she helped get him caught for moida. u_u SOMETIMES YOU LOSE THE GAME, it's fine.
anyway, after he survived the execution and they spoke again, he was like... genuinely a tiny bit baffled that she approached him with an offer and not a threat? like, even though he wasn't going to go after any of them in revenge, he recognized that they were going to view him as extremely dangerous (which was fine by him, because he is dangerous; he would've lost his dang mind if they hadn't treated him exactly as they did) but he definitely wasn't expecting harrow to come to him from the angle of "here, I'll give you something you want if you do this for us." it kind of--tipped her hand, I guess is the best way to say it? it showed him just how much she cared about gu yun not dying, but by that point, there wasn't really anything for him to do with that information. (he did briefly consider tapping people up to kill gu yun, but he discarded the idea pretty quickly because it wouldn't haven't accomplished anything and he was being honest when he said he isn't really a revenge kill sorta guy.) EITHER WAY, she was basically offering him something for nothing, and he was like "well sure I'll take that deal" lmf. I think I told you this before, but he also appreciated that she was one of the few people during the town hall who discussed killing him in an objectively beneficial way--obviously he wanted to live as long as he could, but if he couldn't have that, then he preferred to get targeted on thursday instead of shoved into the execution ring again on sunday + whoever targeted him would get a boon and also a prize if they weren't voted out so it was just a smart decision.
OUTSIDE OF THAT he was perfectly fine working with her on plot stuff, especially by that point when things were really starting to pick up--their paths converging was kind of a "better late than never" deal on his end. but he had no grudge against her, and he was glad to have another smart person to discuss things with besides gu yun--not because he had anything against continuing to work with gu yun, but just because at that point they really needed all hands on deck and he knew she would be ruthless and diligent in approaching this the same way she was about trials. basically he could trust that working with her wouldn't be all that different from working with gu yun--that anything they discussed, any ideas or suggestions, would be very carefully considered from multiple angles, with relative objectivity and the intent to achieve the best possible outcome.
WAVES HANDS IN ENDGAME they were mostly doing their own thing so there's not much to say about that. when all was said and done he did honestly just want to go thank her for her contribution, because he thinks hard work should be acknowledged and respected!! but he's fine parting ways with a business handshake and a "we'll probably never speak again." she's gonna go off and do her own thing, and she seems maybe happy enough?? at least not super miserable. childe's just kind of giving her a thumbs up from the distance and hoping she puts her talents to better use than she did here LMFKJHG god. exhausting.
honestly I feel like we kind of tl;cr'd at each other over the entire course of the game so between that and cr chart this is really just gonna be a rehash of what you already know and probably?? won't be that long??? I don't know anything don't look at me
ANYWAY
so, childe came into the game expecting a trap. but he was perfectly fine with the idea of walking into a trap, because what he really wanted out of the experience was just the opportunity to fight a bunch of really strong opponents he'd never met before! his wish was genuinely something he wanted, but he wasn't going to be heartbroken if he didn't get it. but on top of that he was fresh from dealing with the whole mess in liyue, having to scheme and plot and play nice only to find out he'd been tricked by a friend AND he didn't even get to fight god about it. TERRIBLE!! he was really looking forward to something much more simple and straightforward, because even if it was a trap it was probably just going to be "haha we lured you here to kill you all!" and then he'd get to fight even more people about it and it would be great.
like recognizes like, and it was immediately obvious to him that gu yun was a fighter--he was surprised that they kinda-sorta shared a language, but then they were both like "this is sus? this is sus", and gu yun proved he was intelligent as well. so right off the bat childe liked him, it was a very "oh heck yeah this is what I was looking forward to!" sort of attitude. the fatui isn't exactly the same as a typical military, but it's close enough that childe could recognize the Authority Vibe that automatically made him want to give gy a hard time HFJKSDHGJK this is how they are, we knew it would be like this and it was not at all surprising. he intentionally only gave gy one name as a start for their info network, partly because he just doesn't do anything for free until he really knows and likes you and partly because he wasn't about to give gy the satisfaction of him easily following orders.
but at first it was just vibing, getting along, waiting for the inevitable announcement that SURPRISE YOU'RE ALL HERE TO KILL EACH OTHER or whatever. and childe is a careful guy who'd been nerfed to a level he hadn't experienced since he was a kid, so he immediately started hoarding advantages wherever he could. whenever they became opponents (which was inevitable, he figured), gu yun was going to give him a run for his money, which was great!! he was looking forward to it, but he plays to win, so from the very beginning he only shared info that was mutually beneficial. lust told him it was possible to get his powers back, and also gave him non-sexy examples of ways to indulge in lust, and he didn't share either of those things. not necessarily because he didn't want gu yun to find them out (bc gy could just as easily go talk to lust or the other npcs himself and learn what he wanted) but again, because he wasn't going to hand over anything for free.
I do find it funny that they had such an unspoken agreement to keep their alliance quiet--like, I don't think they ever explicitly said "hey let's not tell people we get along and we're working together"?? they just sort of naturally did that. THEY REALLY WORK TOGETHER SO WELL and once their posturing settled into something more even (and once they started helping each other out with indulgences, god) it became easier for childe to share his plot info more freely. even so, he kept an eye on gu yun's relationships and the way he interacted with people, because he's used to having All The Info and he always wanted to stay a few steps ahead. if he was gonna get tossed into another plot full of schemes and deception, then he was going to be extra vigilant!!! gy didn't seem like the type who would plot around him, but childe wasn't taking any chances.
anyway, I mentioned this already, but it was the hk-47 execution that made it starkly clear to childe that for all their similarities, they were extremely different people at their cores. gy was angry that sqx was in the execution ring, and he was angry at hk-47, whereas childe was apathetic about both of those things. so seeing gu yun's reactions and speaking with him afterwards was like "oh god you're soft like the rest of them, you're just better at hiding it." he wasn't... disappointed, exactly? but there was a line drawn between them then, the start of a gap that only widened as time went on. he could see that gu yun was getting attached to people (and getting attached to wrath in particular, which he thought was EXTRAORDINARILY stupid), and that he had certain morals/values that childe thought were unsuitable for their situation. HE COULD SENSE THE HIDDEN PROTAG ENERGY and that automatically lowered childe's ability to trust him/trust that gy would understand his level of ambition.
he did try to feel him out after week 2's trial, just to be sure--gu yun gave him the perfect opening for it by mentioning that he thought people might come after him, and childe took the opportunity to suggest striking first, just to see what he'd say. but when gu yun said he'd rather kill in self-defense, childe believed him, and (incorrectly) assumed that meant he wasn't going to kill someone first, or kill just for ambition. he never really had any reason to doxx endorsi and mahito to gu yun in the first place, but after that it kind of solidified his resolve to keep quiet about any murders he was involved in rather than including gu yun as he otherwise might have.
instead, from w3 onward, gu yun kind of became his touchstone for getting information on what molly and harrow were up to without actually having to interact with them himself, which was very convenient!! childe's attitude shifted around this point, from the sort of baseline partnership they had going on to that + starting to use gu yun in more of a selfish way. when gy came to him to check his hands was really when he sort of established himself to be on the side of the people who wanted to catch murderers, so even if childe hadn't been covering for law that week, that would've once again widened the gap between them and made childe even more adamant about not telling him of any murders he was involved in. but because of their relationship + gy's particular relationships with molly and harrow, childe was able to question him about the trap without making himself look too suspicious. childe was also convinced from that point onward that gy would totally doxx him as a killer to harrow if he found out childe was one, no matter what he said about being willing to cover for him. he did kind of drop a hint, w3--when he said "I can't help but feel like we're getting distracted by all of this" what he meant was "I feel like we're getting too caught up in trying to catch murderers for literally no reason because 1. we're all here to win so why the fck do we care about this and 2. there is clearly a bigger picture to think about guys hello". but by that point he didn't really expect gy to pick up on the fact that he was thinking more about how the trial system was a huge, pointless waste of time.
uhhhh not much to say about w4 I don't think?? I already told you this but when he refused to disclose his power during the trial he was 50% giving gy a hard time because they had JUST talked about how it's sus to expect other people to share their powers and not share your own, which is what gu yun did, and 50% just genuinely wanting to keep it quiet because it was the item duplication power, which he figured would be useful if he got targeted. mostly because he was truly convinced he was going to be targeted sooner rather than later. gy telling him he was under suspicion for killing eleanor early w5 made that paranoia worse, because sometimes people just want to kill you a lot and that's how you live.
OH YEAH WEEK 5. Or rather weekend 5. childe got his revival ability from lust on tuesday! she'd repeatedly asked him before if he was sure mahito wasn't going to betray him and asked him again at that point; he of course interpreted that as her asking if he thought mahito was going to try and kill him, so his answer was "I'm sure he will eventually but I don't think he's bored of me just yet so I'll be fine." lust was basically like "actually I am not confident you will be fine" and gave him the revival ability; she also warned him that saturday might be an issue, so he was like "oh maybe mahito's planning to doxx me?" and kind of made a mental note to prepare for that but otherwise didn't think about it too hard bc he didn't want to get too far ahead of himself.
Then he woke up on Friday to find out Mahito was FUCKING DEAD and he was like "oh fuck" because that automatically took out one of the guilty murderers, which upped his chances of getting caught! and THEN gu yun immediately asked him for a spar, which was partially suspicious bc that's how he'd covered up injuries post-murder before. but he didn't know how much gy cared about aoi or lenore so there was a chance he was just pissed about that. except then gy doxxed himself and childe was like "oh I'm FUCKED fucked, no wonder lust gave me that power". He was immediately certain that gy was lying about it being self-defense, because it didn't make any logical sense otherwise--he and mahito had been planning for weeks to target noncombatants bc they wanted to minimize injuries and not get caught + pride told them that the limit for killing was 1 person each + childe knew mahito was close(??? fucking curses) to/had planned to accomplice with ming yi and didn't think ming yi would approve of gy getting targeted bc fake china group? + mahito knew childe was familiar with gy and would have been able to give him info on the sort of fighter he was; basically even if mahito had decided to throw their plan away and target two people including a fighter, there was no reason he wouldn't have told childe first. on top of that, gy used his knife to do it knowing molly (with his useful item) would deflect away from gy however he could--though for that one he was kind of like "well okay that's kind of on me for assuming you'd actually only use it for self-defense" GOD. but on top of suddenly being at a huge risk for losing his own life, he was very irritated that gy lied to him instead of just saying "yeah I targeted mahito"; if he'd been honest about that, there's a good chance childe wouldn't have doxxed gy to anyone tbh, not even endorsi and medb. but he couldn't call gy out on it without revealing why he was so sure about it so he was just like "goddammit" lmfkjgh
though hilariously he did believe that mahito stole gy's glass bc that sounded like something he'd do LMFSKDJGH touches the ground. he really would've believed gy any other week BUT ALAS, he was too involved to buy the whole story week 5.
ANYWAY childe was pissed at him for lying so he tried to save himself and retaliate at the same time--he tipped off endorsi and medb (who both knew to varying degrees that he'd killed) but he was very aware that there probably wasn't much they'd be able to do to save him. they couldn't point fingers without drawing attention to themselves, which they weren't likely to do, and even if they did find a way to accuse gy openly, he had a claim of self-defense on his side, which was something childe couldn't use bc of molly's item. so it was kind of a case of "well I'm fucked but that doesn't mean I can't drag you down with me PBBBBT". at that point he didn't know for sure if the revival power would work during the execution, so he didn't have anything left to lose; it was like I mentioned to you before, either he'd be alive long enough to do damage control if he felt like it OR he'd be dead and gu yun got to have a big ol' headache trying to figure out and deal with what childe might've done to fuck him over before he died. either way, he didn't want to go down easily.
after he revived and healed up, he did briefly consider tapping up endorsi or medb or ming yi to take gu yun out, partly in retaliation and partly just because he loves kicking up chaos--but he only thought about it for a little bit before he decided it was pointless. it wouldn't serve to get him, personally, any kind of points or rewards, which was why he'd killed in the first place + he didn't dislike gu yun at all, especially since he got over his (unamused)ness at being lied to once gy was like YOU WERE WORKING WITH MAHITO YOU ASS and made it obvious he knew childe knew he'd been bullshitting lmf + he just isn't really an emotional/revenge kill type of guy. at that point he knew for sure that the longest he'd live was sunday, so all he really wanted was to get as much info as possible on plot stuff before he died, esp bc somewhere around then was when they revealed about getting messages from the dead and stuff. so he was genuinely happy to just sort of "/handshake, good game" and move on and continue working as plot info partners. he was fine with passing his scroll over to gy bc he knew gy would make good use of the info. he also knew that gy would take good care of his things, so he didn't mind giving him his weapons and he specifically asked mineo to give gy his chopsticks--he was honestly more worried that mineo would just destroy them instead of passing them on bc he really didn't think gy would fuck with his valuables lmf.
it was kind of like, after w5 execution and their talk, they'd made it back to a level of trust they had in the beginning--and then beyond that, actually, because they were much more open about the sorts of people they REALLY were. as far as childe knew, even with his soft squishy heart, gy was willing to lie and kill to achieve his goals (since he didn't know about the medicine and never really had a solid grasp on just how blind/deaf gy was and how it affected him), and childe was free to be as openly ruthless as he wanted. he didn't think gy was going to be the one to come kill him on thursday, and he told douman in the graveyard that gy lost the privilege of being on his "I would be fine if you killed me" list, but honestly if gy had shown up that night I don't think he really would've minded.
he still thought gy was an idiot for getting attached to people and an extra big idiot for getting attached to wrath though. rip. (he also thought he himself was an idiot for getting attached to iris and kind of royce so it's fine, we're all clowns here)
ANYWAY YEAH. I don't have a ton to say about endgame bc they were off doing separate things, and they reunited at the end to chat a little and not talk at all about their emotions because that is not the relationship they have. ZERO CHANCE OF EMOTIONAL VULNERABILITY, BABY!!! but he left on the same positive....???? vibe that they had for most of the game. he wouldn't mind meeting up with gy again for drinks or sparring or whatever, anytime!! idk if he'd reach out first bc he knows they both have their own shit to deal with but honestly I think for him it's the sort of relationship where it's like. 3 months could pass with nothing and he could text out of nowhere like "look at this ugly vase lol" and they'd just pick up where they left off, y'know. they're both warriors and used to being away from people for a very long time so I don't think long stretches of silence would bother either of them.
Tartaglia (Childe)
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and like, I think yuri was honestly some of his simplest, most pleasant cr. they vibed well--they shared similarities. childe always enjoyed the time they spent together; it was always pretty uncomplicated, and that was a bright spot, because he really did not like the way this place was run.
he didn't tell yuri more about his choice to target lenore specifically partly because he didn't really explain his logic fully to anybody who wasn't involved but also because he figured, by week 5, people either got it or they never would. either they were able to look at him and go "yeah, I can see him killing for ambitious indulgence reasons" or they could not/would not understand that and there was no point in talking to them about it; yuri fell into the former, so it was just kind of like "I don't need to explain because you already know how this place works". he also didn't tell yuri about the revival power from lust because he didn't tell literally anybody about that, closes eyes. but he got the feeling yuri knew he knew more than he was letting on and he wouldn't have minded too much if lust doxxed him to yuri tbh.
I think under different circumstances, and if childe was a little more trusting, yuri's one of the people he would've been willing to talk to more about both of those things, because he figured yuri would probably get it. at least to an extent?? like, he wouldn't expect yuri to be all OH CHILDE UR SO VALID obviously lmfkjdhg but more like just "yeah, I can see your logic".
I think I told you this already, but after he died, lust told him that yuri asked to switch to her team and she was like "is it bad that I said no? I don't want anyone else on my team" and because childe is. childe. he obviously told her she could do whatever she wanted, but privately he was like "idk I think yuri's a good choice? yuri's a good dude." but he also knew she'd had issues with people breaking her trust and not considering her feelings before within the game (himself included in that), so he didn't want to make assumptions. but out of anybody, if she did need somebody on her team, he would've thought yuri was a good choice.
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so, childe came into this game fresh from being manipulated by a god, and given the sort of shit he does in service to his own god + his general lack of trust around friendly people (in these circumstances especially, because he came into this expecting a crowd of ruthless ambitious fighters and never really let go of the idea that everyone came here for personal gain), he was honestly probably never going to trust her and form a deep bond with her. but over the course of the game, his view on sqx changed a lot!
it just. was not good. LMFSKJDGH
originally he assumed everyone here was shady in their own way, no matter how friendly they were--mostly because he himself is a genuinely friendly guy who is also fuckin shady and terrible!! but the sqx vs hk-47 execution really made him feel like 90% of the game wasn't cut out to be here. beau and endorsi were well-matched so even though watching it was like "well that was fucked up" for a lot of people, it was more directed to the whole execution situation as a whole. but when it came to sqx and hk-47, suddenly everyone was shocked that the murder robot wasn't going easy on her? for some reason?? so he was just there with all these people screaming and cursing at hk-47 for nearly killing sqx, which was just so stupid to him. he actually bitched about it to mahito LMFKJSDGH he was like "what the hell were they expecting, the murder robot to not be a murder robot? why does everyone suddenly give a shit what happens to this girl they barely know? hello??" so he very quickly realized his views didn't match up with most people's because of that execution. he also immediately slotted sqx as somebody weak LMF he didn't give her any points at all just for surviving, especially when she had help from the audience.
that said, he didn't like, hate her or anything. he used his power to send her flowers mostly because aoi doxxed it and made it useless to use in murder but also because he knew she and ming yi shared a language (kind of) with him and gu yun and he and gu yun were already working together so he figured it was good to stay in their good graces. otherwise he honestly just kind of mostly wrote her off.
AND THEN MEMSHARE HAPPENED and he ended up getting beefleaf lore bookends and THAT really threw their relationship into perspective for him lmfkjhg. he still didn't hold her in very high regard (he doesn't hate noncombatants, he just isn't really interested in them) and he icly got he xuan's memory first, so basically her memory just served as more context for what happened to him. though her reaction to his memory startled him--honestly I think if 1. he hadn't seen he xuan's memory first and 2. he hadn't gotten dragged into covering up luca and vlad's murders that week, he might've been willing to start opening up to her a little bit more. not to the point of trust, but something.
...BUT THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN so instead she got his mantra throughout the whole fucking game: "Trust is a difficult thing, though, and often leads to disappointment." ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
after that, she was a neutral presence for him. nice enough, cared way too fucking much, and just generally kind of existed. somewhere along the line he decided to just. try and help her understand the sort of place they were in, as he viewed it? she seemed very naive and "weak"; as a god, he would've expected her to understand better, so he just sort of fell into the habit of voicing his genuine thoughts around her, albeit in a gentler way. LIKE A SHITTY MENTOR OR SOMETHING even though it wasn't really a conscious decision on his part.
hilariously this whole thread after the eleanor trial really had him reveal a ton about the way he viewed the game and the world in general. especially at the end, when he asked her if one type of kill was worse than the other, and she said "they both still end with a lost life", all he did was nod--but it wasn't in a "yes you're right murder is bad" sense, it was a "exactly so why are we bothering to catch murderers and question their motives in the first place" sort of thing from him LMKJSDGHJKH. GOD. TERRIBLE.
AND THEN WEEK 5 HAPPENED and he was honest with her in their conversation pre-execution. she'd always been kind to him, and he liked her well enough, so he had no reason not to tell her. especially since she wasn't involved in the MURDER MESS that was that week and seemed to just genuinely want to understand him, so he didn't mind giving that to her.
AND THEN THEIR JAIL CONVO HAPPENED AND HE WAS SO FUCKING EXHAUSTED BY IT OH MY GOD. if he could've grabbed her by the shoulders and shaken her for totally missing his point, he absolutely would have. he was trying so hard to drive home the idea that he totally understood why he was in jail, why he was inevitably going to die (with some of his condescending judgment thrown in), and why he was fine with it even though he thought it was stupid that they judged him for playing the game as intended. he truly tried to explain to her how easy it would've been to manipulate them all into thinking he had some noble cause for what he did, and he had to watch the point sail directly over her head... SO FUNNY. it wasn't that he hated her attempts at having faith in him, but by that point he'd long since seen the writing on the wall so he considered it a massive waste of time. he's just too used to living a life of mistrust and hatred, so it didn't bother him at all to be back in that position.
AND THEN THE GRAVEYARD HAPPENED and OHHHHH BOOOOOY WAS FINDING OUT SQX MURDERED ELEANOR THE MOST HILARIOUS THING IN THE GODDAMN WORLD OR WHAT!!!! immediately sqx skyrocketed to the top of the list for "EXAMPLES OF WHY YOU DON'T FUCKING TRUST A GODDAMN SOUL". obviously at that point nobody knew she'd been cursed not to confess, so it really seemed like she was out there playing everybody for goddamn fools. he also knew by then that he xuan had killed kaz, so he was like FUCKIN GODS, MAN!!! DECEITFUL SHITS, EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!!!! but far more than he xuan, sqx was just. complete vindication for the way he didn't trust a single fucking person the wholeass game. it's honestly very lucky that they never got super close, because if he'd trusted her even a little and then found out she was a (perceived) deceitful murderer, it would've been a REALLY BAD FUCKING TIME and probably destroyed any chance of him ever trusting anyone again. like ever. LMFSJKDGH
fortunately that didn't happen so it maintained his status quo! he didn't feel bad for killing lenore and he didn't feel bad for not trusting anybody, so all he really did was feel extremely smug like "thanks for proving my point sqx!!!" he also doxxed his view of her to douman after she spoke up about her dead-switching item (which the whole graveyard hella judged her for lmfkjshgjkhg) I ALREADY LINKED YOU THAT BUT douman was having such a hard time reconciling the sqx they knew with the apparently manipulative murderer she now seemed to be?? so childe was like "oh buddy. let me teach you about how shitty gods are lmao"
SO YEAH by the time the dead came back he really had this solid view of her as a manipulative liar who probably wasn't all that different from her shitty brother, in the grand scheme of things. it didn't affect him personally so he never felt any desire to like. seek her out and try to determine if there was more to it--and honestly even if he had he probably would've believed that anything she said was a lie anyway. maybe if he'd stopped to pay attention to her reasoning for killing eleanor he might've been more willing to talk to her and reconsider, but there's a good chance he would've just figured she was lying anyway, so. I'M SO SORRY SQX childe is leaving the game with the idea that she's a dirty liar and walking proof that trust is for idiots.
"this one will probably be kinda short", I thuoght, sitting down and writing a novel
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god. okay. this is going to be a hot mess because I'm tired and idk what even happened here BUT I WILL TRY.
so, one of the very first things childe found out about medb was that she was a liar and also clever. LMFKJDH because his first real exposure was the fact that she claimed to be douman's master when she wasn't, and she knew that they both ought to know she'd been lying. that was enough to pique his interest, along with the fact that she's royalty tbh bc he just kind of naturally sets his sights above his own station no matter what.
ANYWAY one of the first things she said to him was "We all want something, and I intend to want a lot." which he obviously super vibed with!! even though she kept her villainy under wraps, she made it pretty clear very early on what sort of person she is, which automatically set her apart. once he figured out that no, they were NOT all here for an epic battle royale, he sort of mentally sorted people into "worth his time" and "not interested" lmfkjhg and she was in the former group from the start. he never really lowers his guard, but it made it easier to relax around her, because he didn't have to worry that she'd freak out if he let his own ambitions and ruthlessness show.
CLOSES EYES it also honestly helped a lot that she was very blunt about being into him, because he really is just sooo "/shrugs vaguely" about sex and probably would have taken a lot longer to initiate if she hadn't done it first, plus it also would've been very businesslike and unsexy because banging in this game was literally just work to him... but he definitely enjoyed it the most with her bc she was willing to let him have fun in his own way, so that combined with her forwardness also made things more comfortable for him. he really had no problems just saying "yes" to basically whatever she wanted LMKGJDHG he's just very much the spoiling type to begin with and he had no reason to say no to her whims!! it also got him to a place where he would willingly reach out to her and initiate first which was--idk if I'd say important but it meant more, insomuch as anything in a fuckgame with emotional morons can "mean more" lmfkjdhg
ANYWAY
memshare happened!!! medb's one of the few people who got one of his most villainous memories, and like--once he found out it was memshare week he was like "ah shit" and braced himself to get outed as a villain. so he was, obviously, expecting a much bigger and much worse reaction from her than what he got, which threw him off-kilter a little! but it made him think "hunh, maybe my reputation isn't destroyed?!" so he tried to be careful in the way he talked about it because it was still too early for him to come around to the idea that she might actually like him as he was. and then he got her memory in return, which he could recognize showed a side of her that she didn't often show other people--and that not only prompted him to, again, feel more comfortable being himself around her, but also to open up to her and talk about the tsaritsa! by doing that, he was trying to show that he understood that a person can be multifaceted, that he could recognize and acknowledge the different aspects of her and continue to respect her strength. he was also trying to give her a part of himself that he hadn't shared with other people, kind of as an exchange, since she didn't have a choice in showing him that memory and he wanted them to stay equal. that memshare thread is one of my favorites, they had a good talk.
AND THEN WEEK 3 HAPPENED closes eyes... we already talked about this on plurk but!!! when she confessed(?) to him his first reaction was just oh no because HE'D REALLY!! BEEN HOPING!!! THAT SHE WASN'T SOFT!!!! it was driving him crazy that people were getting attached to each other TO THE POINT OF KILLING EACH OTHER FOR GAY DRAMA INSTEAD OF FOR AMBITION he was really just like "omfg y'all are forgetting why we are here!!!" even before the trial his warning signal was blaring because he told her not to get attached to him and she was like IT'S TOO LATE lmfksdhg childe just internally closing his eyes like "not you too". at this point he was still very firmly trying to maintain his own boundaries and trying to hold onto not seriously caring about anybody else in the game because "Trust No One" + "they could be dead tomorrow so what's the point".
so of course his first reaction was rejection!! because he did like her a lot, and he isn't really a cruel man--he didn't want to lead her on, he didn't want to do anything to make her think he would ever be willing to give up his goal for anybody in the game, he tried very hard to make that clear. and if he'd known at the time that she was also really into takeru he definitely would've doubled down on the rejection because he would've seen no point in letting things progress between the two of them lmfkjhg WE COULD'VE HAD MURDER but alas. but like I said before, she managed to hit the perfect combination of phrasing things in a way that made it clear she didn't expect him to put her at the front of his priorities (because he wouldn't), and that she wanted him just as he was and didn't expect him to change (because he couldn't). he still had some concerns because he knew for a fact she was, in a sense, softer than he was (since she still had a no-kill list, even if she acknowledged the drawbacks in having one), but she seemed firm enough in her resolve that it was worth giving in and saying yes to her.
OF COURSE despite how hard he dug his heels in about Caringâ„¢, even he acknowledged that he wasn't immune to forming connections, and he was coming around to accepting that. not smoothly or easily, because he can be stubborn, but it was at a point of like. "I admit that I care but I also think I'm an idiot for it." AND OF COURSE THE WEEK HE KILLED HAPPENED TO BE HER CYOA WEEK!!! honestly icly he probably would have chosen not to because he would've wanted to stick with her but /waves hand in murdergame deadlines. alas. BUT STILL, he was genuinely worried about her, because once he decides to care about you he's a very doting person. that was really the point where he shifted from being annoyed that he cared about her to accepting that he did, because he did want her safe and he didn't like that she'd been zapped away to somewhere he couldn't reach.
but then he didn't have much time to actually deal with it because THE FRIDAY ANNOUNCEMENTS HAPPENED and. yeah. he hadn't told her he was working with mahito because it didn't really matter, to him? since the two of them were doing separate kills in separate places and just working together to cover up. but then mahito DIED and after they talked early on friday gu yun came to him and was like "yeah I killed mahito with your knife and molly and harrow are covering for me" childe basically. knew that he was dead. LMFKJH because he knew molly still had that one item (which would rule out any chance of him claiming it was self-defense) and he knew that mahito had killed aoi (which meant it was down to him and gu yun or a scapegoat for some reason) so he was pretty sure he was gonna get caught.
...BUT HE ALSO KNEW HE HAD THE REVIVAL POWER. Ahaha. touches the ground
I TOLD YOU BEFORE but he didn't tell her that he had it for a few reasons. partly it was because he didn't know for sure it was going to work--there was no point in getting her hopes up if there was a chance it was gonna fail. partly because the knowledge that you could have three abilities at once hadn't been made public yet, and he didn't want to risk someone using an ability on her or someone boxing her into a lie or whatever. and partly because (and this is really the thing that ended up fucking the two of them over in the long run) he'd also grown to care about lust and view her as something like a sibling, and in his own way he was trying to protect her from dealing with the backlash of giving him a revival power.
but since he knew there was a chance he would survive the execution, he was a little softer than he might've been; he had the freedom to be a little more concerned about her survival too, and him tossing her the knife was 50/50 intentionally supporting her + the stupid thing wasn't fully working for him so eh. but he wasn't at all surprised that she used it on him, and he was actually very pleased that she did, because it was proof that she wouldn't let him get in the way of her survival and her goals, which he could respect and appreciate.
I will say that he didn't really expect people to find out that he'd more or less saved himself, but he also made a GRAVE MISCALCULATION in that he genuinely didn't think she'd be that upset with him for lying about it. HE'S REALLY JUST not suited to schemes and manipulation--he said a hundred times in various places that he doesn't like them, and this was no different!!! so between that and his utter inability to relationship normally, it's no wonder that he fucked up so badly lmfkjhg GOD. A DUMBASS.
anyway, after he died and after that conversation with douman, he was braced for her to be mad at him?? but he still didn't... really understand why until after they met again and talked it over. and it was really only when they were face to face again that he could see that he'd hurt her, which he hadn't meant to do--and that, more than anything, was really what prompted him to tell her the truth. he could've tried to make it up to her, or just apologized and left it at that, or whatever, but in that conversation he really felt that, because he cared about her, he thought she deserved to see the full him, even though it was ugly and he knew it would mean she wouldn't forgive him. for him, at that point, honesty was the only thing he had left that was worth anything at all, and that was the best way he could show her that he did actually care about her and her feelings despite everything.
but he's not really a pushy guy, and he's capable of admitting and acknowledging when he's wrong, so at this point he just kind of assumes she never wants to see him again. he believed her when she said she didn't hate him, but he also knows that that makes things so much more complicated than they would be if she did just plainly hate his guts. he just feels like any reminders of him would probably hurt her, so even now that they're removed from the context of the game and he doesn't need to lie to her anymore or anything, he figures that the kindest thing he can do for her is just to give her space and let her go be happier with people who actually know how to have relationships without blowing them up. he wouldn't turn her away if she reached out to him, but the chances of him reaching out to her are pretty low unless he has some good reason for it. :( RIP.
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you know, the funny thing is that childe actually kind of hates schemes and deception? like. he specifically has voicelines about it: "Face me in person, man to man, and I'll always have a chance of beating you. Same goes if you're a deity or a monster from the abyss. But the Harbingers? They are more enamored with their intangible methods, spending their days scheming and maneuvering. This is why we cannot get along." even during the main questline when he's revealed to have been the villain, he straight up just goes "yeah I would've skipped all of this to begin with but it wasn't up to me". childe is the sort who will do what it takes to accomplish his goals, regardless of whether or not he personally agrees with it or finds it distasteful, and he came to this game fresh from doing a whole bunch of scheming and plotting that he didn't want to do AND THEN finding out that the whole time he was just being used as a pawn by the gods in THEIR schemes anyway. GOD.
ALL OF THIS RAMBLING IS TO SAY THAT childe came into this game with 0% trust anticipating a trap but not caring, because he was really expecting that it was going to be some super intense, straightforward battle royale where the strongest person would defeat everyone and take their prize, if there even really was a prize. so when he first arrived, he was immediately just assuming that everyone had some kind of hidden strengths or powers, since appearances can certainly be deceiving!! ON TOP OF THAT he and gu yun also agreed to start building a kind of info network like, immediately lmfkjhg so he was gauging people for how likely they'd be to work with him on that.
but he is genuinely a friendly guy, so chatting with people in the beginning was a combination of trying to get a feel for their strengths and weaknesses as potential opponents as well as just getting to know them. but he isn't really the pushy type? for a few different reasons (like, back home he has access to a massive info network so he barely has to do any snooping on his own) but mostly because a lot of the time he operates on the rule of fairness--i.e., if he pries into your business, you're allowed to pry into his. and given that what little trust he has was broken before he came, he was not at all eager to do that here.
so from that perspective, harrow immediately struck him as... not closed off, exactly, but not the sort of person who was going to share a lot very easily? and on top of that, if she did have fighting strength, it was clearly nerfed like his own powers or she was very good at hiding it (bc fight jocks like him are stupid and make it clear pretty quickly that they're fight jocks). so basically he just kind of slotted her into neutral-positive territory and didn't think about it too much. she seemed intelligent enough and focused and clearly not a total normie but that's about it.
THEN THE FIRST CYOA HAPPENED wow!! THAT really got his attention far more than the first trial and execution, because it was a sign that Scheme-y Thingsâ„¢ were happening. he actually did consider going to talk to harrow about it? but he recognized that that would've been like, a super rude and insensitive thing to do and he isn't (always) a (total) asshole, plus he was like "even if I did do that the chances of them telling me what happened are pretty low" since he wasn't particularly close to any of the four of them. so instead he reached out to primrose and gu yun about it and got a little info from them and went to stay in medbay in case something else happened.
ending up in there with the four of them + molly and mineo was. so much. their very sudden and very intense reactions immediately tipped him off to the fact that the simulation was reminding them of something that happened while they were gone, and they clearly weren't going to talk about it so he was just like "oooookay" and set it aside to talk to gu yun about later. AND INDEED on friday he went to gu yun like "hey who told you about the cyoa because all four of them were nutter butters last night so please follow up on this k thx." he asked gu yun which of the four cyoaers he'd spoken to (info for info--he was very careful about not giving away too much for free) and gu yun gave harrow's name, so he passed on her behavior specifically so that gu yun had more to work with, and also took that as an opportunity to slot harrow as--not necessarily gu yun's ally, at that point, but like, "okay, I can leave harrow to gu yun and expect that any info she gets might get back to him." it was eliminating redundancy, mostly--there was no point in working on harrow as an info buddy if gu yun already had her taken care of, if that makes sense? he was trying to cover his bases. the murders and the trials were really barely even on his mind that week.
BUT THEY HAD TO TRIAL ANYWAY and childe was already committed by then to not actually doing any intense participating unless he cared about the people who died (which he really did not want to do because getting attached under these circumstances is for DUMMIES!!!), except that it seemed like people were? actually trying to solve things this time?? and childe didn't have any reason to like, actively hinder people's efforts to find killers, and playing along even a little was objectively better than making a big spectacle about how stupid he thought the whole thing was so he did.
the week 1 execution though. HOO BOY. that was a big turning point for childe, and it really altered the way he viewed basically everybody in the whole game. the hk-47 execution was where people made it exceedingly clear that they were growing attached to each other, that they were really, truly not the sorts of ruthless opponents he'd anticipated facing when he arrived--in his view, anybody who looked at hk-47 and was shocked or enraged immediately belonged in a mental category of "people who are not at all suited to be in this environment." molly kind of?? got a pass but everyone else got judged extremely hard. harrow actually stood out to him here because she was the one who brought up the idea of piling curses onto hk-47 to make him suffer even more--which, like. torture and vengeance isn't really his thing?? but he gets it, and that was one of the first clear shades of her brand of ruthlessness that he saw, so she got to be a little higher up on his list of "people who are not total weenies (and thus I might be able to respect them)". she actually ranked higher than gu yun tbh LMFKJSHG bc that execution and the conversation afterwards was where gu yun lost some of his... not respect, exactly, but... trust? in the sense of "oh I trust you to be ruthless like me". gu yun clearly had a softer core than he wanted people to see, and harrow had a stronger backbone than childe had initially assumed, so that was kind of his perspective moving forward.
and then week 2 was when mahito and endorsi dragged him into MURDER COVER, which was the first step towards getting involved in the murders and the trials more thoroughly. lust told him at the very beginning that his powers weren't locked away forever and I think this is when he found out that murder was what could unlock them again? so he was planning to get his hands dirty pretty early on, he just took a while to make his move. but for this week he did a shitton of cover up work for the two of them, which was a MASSIVE PAIN because that was post-cyoa for him and he had a SKELETON HAND AND COULDN'T HOLD THINGS so he had to time his healing very carefully but at least he had a really solid alibi. which is hilarious because he actually showed up with fresh bruises? from helping cover up fight injuries immediately after regrowing his stupid hand?? I'm in tears
ANYWAY waves hand. that was when he got directly involved in the murder side of things, while harrow was pretty firmly on the "solving murders" side of things, so that's when their paths really began to branch away from each other, and they just kept going that way. he'd agreed to help cover for law as well, but week 3 was SURPRISE MEDBAY TRAP DUN DUN DUN. childe saw law's fingers, but he didn't know it was part of a trap until gu yun came around for a hand check and just blatantly told him that's what it was lmfkjhg. mahito told him that harrow had done his hand check, and then it came out in the trial that the trap was her and molly's idea. and he was impressed!! it was a very clever thing to do--this week was really what got harrow and molly on his radar, and from w3 forward he knew he was going to have to pay closer attention to them. especially harrow, because while he didn't think molly was stupid by any means, he also just got the vibe that harrow bossed him around lmfkjhgg SORRY MOLLY.
THE THING IS, though, that even after they caught law, they were just kind of "...oh :( well we caught you but I'm not voting for you" about it, and childe was just? so baffled?? he had a conversation with mahito about it, like "why the hell are they working so hard to catch killers if they don't like what happens when they do?" he just really could not understand why they were putting their obvious skills and intelligence towards catching murderers and working so hard to do it, only to apparently not be satisfied by the outcome. the execution just made it worse, because they'd been relatively sympathetic towards law the day before, but as soon as he started to fight for his life they immediately started to condemn him and want him dead, and childe was just like "??? what???" about the whole thing. for him it wasn't "a murderer vs. an innocent girl"--he never really let go of the idea of "everyone here is everyone's opponent" and that combined with "we all agreed to come here for something we wanted badly enough that we'd do anything for it" meant that he was never going to view anybody as a truly innocent victim, whether they'd killed someone on the base or not. as far as he was concerned, they were all just equal pawns on a chessboard, and people like harrow were getting way too attached to other pieces and losing sight of winning the overall game.
EVEN SO his respect for her diligence and their clever thinking was genuine; by that point it was also clear that was gu yun was solidly on her "side" of things, which widened the gap between the two of them. this was also around the time childe seriously considered targeting her. he thought about going after molly as well but he figured that would piss off way too many people--harrow he viewed as less popular than molly, but also far more likely to have traps and plans in place, especially since she had two very smart and focused roommates who would care a lot, as well as molly and gu yun, who were both very loud and active. he pretty much decided there were too many potential unknown risks when it came taking her out and decided it was probably safer just to try and work around her whenever he did make his move.
I AM LOSING STEAM BECAUSE I'M TIRED I WILL CONTINUE TOMORROW
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SO ANYWAY like I said, w3 was really what got harrow on his radar of someone to watch out for, since she was clearly intelligent and dedicated to catching killers (and thus highly unlikely to be sympathetic to his ambition). he talked about it with both mahito and endorsi, but at that point he was viewing her as someone he respected for being intelligent and ruthless, but that he also thought was wasting her skill and energy focusing on the wrong thing.
originally he and mahito were going to kill on week 4, but then Kindness Week struck and cucked them so they didn't. but they still discussed it and started putting their plans in place, and those plans were like 90% shaped by endorsi's no-kill list and harrow's dedication to catching killers lmfkjhg. honestly the majority of the reason childe ended up targeting a noncombatant (though part of the reason he picked lenore was because she didn't seem totally helpless) was because he wanted to subvert expectations, since he knew harrow would be relentless about following up on leads and if a strong fighter got taken out, she would look at all the strong fighters left with an equally careful eye. gu yun mentioned to him at some point that he was gonna set up a trap in his own room, so childe was just super convinced that harrow and molly were gonna add more traps to like. the elevator! the sleep bay! places that had a really high chance of catching someone! basically he was trying to play mental chess and plan around her without actually getting on her radar, because it would've been really stupid to approach her out of the blue like "sooo heeeeey any ideas about other traps? just wondering lol"
BUT YEAH. he had nothing to do with w4 trial so he was a spectator to the whole Misa Mess, which, wow!! drama!!! it was interesting to see harrow in action that trial, because like. in part, his respect for her continued to go up--that she was dedicated enough to getting killers caught that she'd doxx someone instead of covering for them, but he also kind of got the vibe that harrow was lying about some things? he didn't buy that harrow would've just cursed misa out of killing and left it at that, and her reaction also seemed like... more emotional and uncertain than he expected? things just didn't seem to piece together cleanly to him. but overall it was once again a case of respect for harrow bc she worked hard to accomplish her goal (catching killers) combined with "wtf is she doing" because she seemed very upset about... accomplishing her goal. HE DIDN'T GET IT MAN.
this convo really just was an accurate representation of his feelings at the time--he didn't want to get caught, but if he did and it was harrow, then he wouldn't mind all that much, because she was a worthy opponent and it would just be a fair loss on his part.
AND THEN WEEK 5... or more specifically, weekend 5. as soon as childe woke up to hear mahito was dead, he was like "oh fuck" because that immediately narrowed down the guilty list, and he already knew people were gonna be more upset about aoi's death than mahito's. he also remembered molly's item, so he figured that automatically meant a 50/50 chance it was gonna be used on lenore's death rooms or aoi's, which severely upped his chances of getting caught (and depending on how the item worked, he wouldn't be able to pretend it was self-defense, which meant he'd just be fucked if they caught him). then gu yun told him he killed mahito (and tried to claim it was self-defense, hilariously, which childe immediately knew was a lie) and basically told him that harrow and molly were covering for him, and once he heard that, childe was like "welp, I'm done for." he knew his only real chance was them not tracing lenore back to him, but the chances of that were very slim if harrow and molly were going to be working doubly hard to make sure gu yun didn't get caught.
childe had endorsi and medb on his side, but the problem with being on team Shady Bastard is that you can't openly defend other shady bastards if you don't want to give yourself away. since childe only chose to rely on people who openly prioritized themselves over him, he never expected them to throw themselves in the line of fire for him. he reached out to them since they both knew he'd killed, but he went into trial on friday not really expecting it to go any way other than it did. iris had given him the revival power early on, so he knew there was a chance he would survive the execution, but honestly even without it his attitude probably would've been the same--just sort of calm and collected. HONESTLY NO MATTER WHAT this would've been him tbh "ARE YOU READY TO BE WRONG?" FJSHKHKj god. what a butt.
I'm rambling again FUCK ANYWAY!!!
tl;dr the moment gu yun told him he'd killed mahito and he was planning to claim it was self-defense with harrow and molly on his side, childe knew that his days were numbered. even if he survived the execution, he knew he wouldn't last long past it, so no matter what, he was gonna be dead soon. which sucked! but he knew the risks, so, eh. but he wasn't going to give them the satisfaction of folding under pressure, so he stood his ground under her accusations until the end. he wasn't exactly happy about getting caught, but at the end of the day it was just a fair loss to worthy opponent, so he was just kind of "/shrugs, fair game" about the whole thing.
HOWEVER, he was very annoyed that gu yun had lied to him about it being self-defense (especially when he'd used his fuckin knife), so when harrow came to talk to him in jail, he intentionally tipped her off that he knew gu yun was a liar and a killer. he didn't go so far as to doxx that he knew the self-defense thing was a lie, since it didn't seem necessary, but his goal was basically like I mentioned on discord, where... it wasn't necessarily to make her suspect gu yun, but to kind of show her that like. he wasn't necessarily the "good" guy she might think he was? BASICALLY from weekend 5 onwards childe just really tried to hammer in the idea of "trust fucking no one you emotional fools" as hard as possible to like, everybody. he thought harrow was too smart to not be on her guard, and he thought she could really benefit from taking a second look at her relationships and reconsidering how much trust she put in people like gu yun, someone who was apparently just as willing to kill for personal gain as childe was (since childe didn't know about his medicine or anything like that).
he did appreciate that she stuck to her guns trying to out-bluff him, though. and he genuinely tried to be (mostly) polite and cordial to her, since he liked her, even though she helped get him caught for moida. u_u SOMETIMES YOU LOSE THE GAME, it's fine.
anyway, after he survived the execution and they spoke again, he was like... genuinely a tiny bit baffled that she approached him with an offer and not a threat? like, even though he wasn't going to go after any of them in revenge, he recognized that they were going to view him as extremely dangerous (which was fine by him, because he is dangerous; he would've lost his dang mind if they hadn't treated him exactly as they did) but he definitely wasn't expecting harrow to come to him from the angle of "here, I'll give you something you want if you do this for us." it kind of--tipped her hand, I guess is the best way to say it? it showed him just how much she cared about gu yun not dying, but by that point, there wasn't really anything for him to do with that information. (he did briefly consider tapping people up to kill gu yun, but he discarded the idea pretty quickly because it wouldn't haven't accomplished anything and he was being honest when he said he isn't really a revenge kill sorta guy.) EITHER WAY, she was basically offering him something for nothing, and he was like "well sure I'll take that deal" lmf. I think I told you this before, but he also appreciated that she was one of the few people during the town hall who discussed killing him in an objectively beneficial way--obviously he wanted to live as long as he could, but if he couldn't have that, then he preferred to get targeted on thursday instead of shoved into the execution ring again on sunday + whoever targeted him would get a boon and also a prize if they weren't voted out so it was just a smart decision.
OUTSIDE OF THAT he was perfectly fine working with her on plot stuff, especially by that point when things were really starting to pick up--their paths converging was kind of a "better late than never" deal on his end. but he had no grudge against her, and he was glad to have another smart person to discuss things with besides gu yun--not because he had anything against continuing to work with gu yun, but just because at that point they really needed all hands on deck and he knew she would be ruthless and diligent in approaching this the same way she was about trials. basically he could trust that working with her wouldn't be all that different from working with gu yun--that anything they discussed, any ideas or suggestions, would be very carefully considered from multiple angles, with relative objectivity and the intent to achieve the best possible outcome.
WAVES HANDS IN ENDGAME they were mostly doing their own thing so there's not much to say about that. when all was said and done he did honestly just want to go thank her for her contribution, because he thinks hard work should be acknowledged and respected!! but he's fine parting ways with a business handshake and a "we'll probably never speak again." she's gonna go off and do her own thing, and she seems maybe happy enough?? at least not super miserable. childe's just kind of giving her a thumbs up from the distance and hoping she puts her talents to better use than she did here LMFKJHG god. exhausting.
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honestly I feel like we kind of tl;cr'd at each other over the entire course of the game so between that and cr chart this is really just gonna be a rehash of what you already know and probably?? won't be that long??? I don't know anything don't look at me
ANYWAY
so, childe came into the game expecting a trap. but he was perfectly fine with the idea of walking into a trap, because what he really wanted out of the experience was just the opportunity to fight a bunch of really strong opponents he'd never met before! his wish was genuinely something he wanted, but he wasn't going to be heartbroken if he didn't get it. but on top of that he was fresh from dealing with the whole mess in liyue, having to scheme and plot and play nice only to find out he'd been tricked by a friend AND he didn't even get to fight god about it. TERRIBLE!! he was really looking forward to something much more simple and straightforward, because even if it was a trap it was probably just going to be "haha we lured you here to kill you all!" and then he'd get to fight even more people about it and it would be great.
like recognizes like, and it was immediately obvious to him that gu yun was a fighter--he was surprised that they kinda-sorta shared a language, but then they were both like "this is sus? this is sus", and gu yun proved he was intelligent as well. so right off the bat childe liked him, it was a very "oh heck yeah this is what I was looking forward to!" sort of attitude. the fatui isn't exactly the same as a typical military, but it's close enough that childe could recognize the Authority Vibe that automatically made him want to give gy a hard time HFJKSDHGJK this is how they are, we knew it would be like this and it was not at all surprising. he intentionally only gave gy one name as a start for their info network, partly because he just doesn't do anything for free until he really knows and likes you and partly because he wasn't about to give gy the satisfaction of him easily following orders.
but at first it was just vibing, getting along, waiting for the inevitable announcement that SURPRISE YOU'RE ALL HERE TO KILL EACH OTHER or whatever. and childe is a careful guy who'd been nerfed to a level he hadn't experienced since he was a kid, so he immediately started hoarding advantages wherever he could. whenever they became opponents (which was inevitable, he figured), gu yun was going to give him a run for his money, which was great!! he was looking forward to it, but he plays to win, so from the very beginning he only shared info that was mutually beneficial. lust told him it was possible to get his powers back, and also gave him non-sexy examples of ways to indulge in lust, and he didn't share either of those things. not necessarily because he didn't want gu yun to find them out (bc gy could just as easily go talk to lust or the other npcs himself and learn what he wanted) but again, because he wasn't going to hand over anything for free.
I do find it funny that they had such an unspoken agreement to keep their alliance quiet--like, I don't think they ever explicitly said "hey let's not tell people we get along and we're working together"?? they just sort of naturally did that. THEY REALLY WORK TOGETHER SO WELL and once their posturing settled into something more even (and once they started helping each other out with indulgences, god) it became easier for childe to share his plot info more freely. even so, he kept an eye on gu yun's relationships and the way he interacted with people, because he's used to having All The Info and he always wanted to stay a few steps ahead. if he was gonna get tossed into another plot full of schemes and deception, then he was going to be extra vigilant!!! gy didn't seem like the type who would plot around him, but childe wasn't taking any chances.
anyway, I mentioned this already, but it was the hk-47 execution that made it starkly clear to childe that for all their similarities, they were extremely different people at their cores. gy was angry that sqx was in the execution ring, and he was angry at hk-47, whereas childe was apathetic about both of those things. so seeing gu yun's reactions and speaking with him afterwards was like "oh god you're soft like the rest of them, you're just better at hiding it." he wasn't... disappointed, exactly? but there was a line drawn between them then, the start of a gap that only widened as time went on. he could see that gu yun was getting attached to people (and getting attached to wrath in particular, which he thought was EXTRAORDINARILY stupid), and that he had certain morals/values that childe thought were unsuitable for their situation. HE COULD SENSE THE HIDDEN PROTAG ENERGY and that automatically lowered childe's ability to trust him/trust that gy would understand his level of ambition.
he did try to feel him out after week 2's trial, just to be sure--gu yun gave him the perfect opening for it by mentioning that he thought people might come after him, and childe took the opportunity to suggest striking first, just to see what he'd say. but when gu yun said he'd rather kill in self-defense, childe believed him, and (incorrectly) assumed that meant he wasn't going to kill someone first, or kill just for ambition. he never really had any reason to doxx endorsi and mahito to gu yun in the first place, but after that it kind of solidified his resolve to keep quiet about any murders he was involved in rather than including gu yun as he otherwise might have.
instead, from w3 onward, gu yun kind of became his touchstone for getting information on what molly and harrow were up to without actually having to interact with them himself, which was very convenient!! childe's attitude shifted around this point, from the sort of baseline partnership they had going on to that + starting to use gu yun in more of a selfish way. when gy came to him to check his hands was really when he sort of established himself to be on the side of the people who wanted to catch murderers, so even if childe hadn't been covering for law that week, that would've once again widened the gap between them and made childe even more adamant about not telling him of any murders he was involved in. but because of their relationship + gy's particular relationships with molly and harrow, childe was able to question him about the trap without making himself look too suspicious. childe was also convinced from that point onward that gy would totally doxx him as a killer to harrow if he found out childe was one, no matter what he said about being willing to cover for him. he did kind of drop a hint, w3--when he said "I can't help but feel like we're getting distracted by all of this" what he meant was "I feel like we're getting too caught up in trying to catch murderers for literally no reason because 1. we're all here to win so why the fck do we care about this and 2. there is clearly a bigger picture to think about guys hello". but by that point he didn't really expect gy to pick up on the fact that he was thinking more about how the trial system was a huge, pointless waste of time.
uhhhh not much to say about w4 I don't think?? I already told you this but when he refused to disclose his power during the trial he was 50% giving gy a hard time because they had JUST talked about how it's sus to expect other people to share their powers and not share your own, which is what gu yun did, and 50% just genuinely wanting to keep it quiet because it was the item duplication power, which he figured would be useful if he got targeted. mostly because he was truly convinced he was going to be targeted sooner rather than later. gy telling him he was under suspicion for killing eleanor early w5 made that paranoia worse, because sometimes people just want to kill you a lot and that's how you live.
I NEED TO GO TO BED NOW I'LL FINISH THIS LATER
no subject
OH YEAH WEEK 5. Or rather weekend 5. childe got his revival ability from lust on tuesday! she'd repeatedly asked him before if he was sure mahito wasn't going to betray him and asked him again at that point; he of course interpreted that as her asking if he thought mahito was going to try and kill him, so his answer was "I'm sure he will eventually but I don't think he's bored of me just yet so I'll be fine." lust was basically like "actually I am not confident you will be fine" and gave him the revival ability; she also warned him that saturday might be an issue, so he was like "oh maybe mahito's planning to doxx me?" and kind of made a mental note to prepare for that but otherwise didn't think about it too hard bc he didn't want to get too far ahead of himself.
Then he woke up on Friday to find out Mahito was FUCKING DEAD and he was like "oh fuck" because that automatically took out one of the guilty murderers, which upped his chances of getting caught! and THEN gu yun immediately asked him for a spar, which was partially suspicious bc that's how he'd covered up injuries post-murder before. but he didn't know how much gy cared about aoi or lenore so there was a chance he was just pissed about that. except then gy doxxed himself and childe was like "oh I'm FUCKED fucked, no wonder lust gave me that power". He was immediately certain that gy was lying about it being self-defense, because it didn't make any logical sense otherwise--he and mahito had been planning for weeks to target noncombatants bc they wanted to minimize injuries and not get caught + pride told them that the limit for killing was 1 person each + childe knew mahito was close(??? fucking curses) to/had planned to accomplice with ming yi and didn't think ming yi would approve of gy getting targeted bc fake china group? + mahito knew childe was familiar with gy and would have been able to give him info on the sort of fighter he was; basically even if mahito had decided to throw their plan away and target two people including a fighter, there was no reason he wouldn't have told childe first. on top of that, gy used his knife to do it knowing molly (with his useful item) would deflect away from gy however he could--though for that one he was kind of like "well okay that's kind of on me for assuming you'd actually only use it for self-defense" GOD. but on top of suddenly being at a huge risk for losing his own life, he was very irritated that gy lied to him instead of just saying "yeah I targeted mahito"; if he'd been honest about that, there's a good chance childe wouldn't have doxxed gy to anyone tbh, not even endorsi and medb. but he couldn't call gy out on it without revealing why he was so sure about it so he was just like "goddammit" lmfkjgh
though hilariously he did believe that mahito stole gy's glass bc that sounded like something he'd do LMFSKDJGH touches the ground. he really would've believed gy any other week BUT ALAS, he was too involved to buy the whole story week 5.
ANYWAY childe was pissed at him for lying so he tried to save himself and retaliate at the same time--he tipped off endorsi and medb (who both knew to varying degrees that he'd killed) but he was very aware that there probably wasn't much they'd be able to do to save him. they couldn't point fingers without drawing attention to themselves, which they weren't likely to do, and even if they did find a way to accuse gy openly, he had a claim of self-defense on his side, which was something childe couldn't use bc of molly's item. so it was kind of a case of "well I'm fucked but that doesn't mean I can't drag you down with me PBBBBT". at that point he didn't know for sure if the revival power would work during the execution, so he didn't have anything left to lose; it was like I mentioned to you before, either he'd be alive long enough to do damage control if he felt like it OR he'd be dead and gu yun got to have a big ol' headache trying to figure out and deal with what childe might've done to fuck him over before he died. either way, he didn't want to go down easily.
after he revived and healed up, he did briefly consider tapping up endorsi or medb or ming yi to take gu yun out, partly in retaliation and partly just because he loves kicking up chaos--but he only thought about it for a little bit before he decided it was pointless. it wouldn't serve to get him, personally, any kind of points or rewards, which was why he'd killed in the first place + he didn't dislike gu yun at all, especially since he got over his (unamused)ness at being lied to once gy was like YOU WERE WORKING WITH MAHITO YOU ASS and made it obvious he knew childe knew he'd been bullshitting lmf + he just isn't really an emotional/revenge kill type of guy. at that point he knew for sure that the longest he'd live was sunday, so all he really wanted was to get as much info as possible on plot stuff before he died, esp bc somewhere around then was when they revealed about getting messages from the dead and stuff. so he was genuinely happy to just sort of "/handshake, good game" and move on and continue working as plot info partners. he was fine with passing his scroll over to gy bc he knew gy would make good use of the info. he also knew that gy would take good care of his things, so he didn't mind giving him his weapons and he specifically asked mineo to give gy his chopsticks--he was honestly more worried that mineo would just destroy them instead of passing them on bc he really didn't think gy would fuck with his valuables lmf.
it was kind of like, after w5 execution and their talk, they'd made it back to a level of trust they had in the beginning--and then beyond that, actually, because they were much more open about the sorts of people they REALLY were. as far as childe knew, even with his soft squishy heart, gy was willing to lie and kill to achieve his goals (since he didn't know about the medicine and never really had a solid grasp on just how blind/deaf gy was and how it affected him), and childe was free to be as openly ruthless as he wanted. he didn't think gy was going to be the one to come kill him on thursday, and he told douman in the graveyard that gy lost the privilege of being on his "I would be fine if you killed me" list, but honestly if gy had shown up that night I don't think he really would've minded.
he still thought gy was an idiot for getting attached to people and an extra big idiot for getting attached to wrath though. rip. (he also thought he himself was an idiot for getting attached to iris and kind of royce so it's fine, we're all clowns here)
ANYWAY YEAH. I don't have a ton to say about endgame bc they were off doing separate things, and they reunited at the end to chat a little and not talk at all about their emotions because that is not the relationship they have. ZERO CHANCE OF EMOTIONAL VULNERABILITY, BABY!!! but he left on the same positive....???? vibe that they had for most of the game. he wouldn't mind meeting up with gy again for drinks or sparring or whatever, anytime!! idk if he'd reach out first bc he knows they both have their own shit to deal with but honestly I think for him it's the sort of relationship where it's like. 3 months could pass with nothing and he could text out of nowhere like "look at this ugly vase lol" and they'd just pick up where they left off, y'know. they're both warriors and used to being away from people for a very long time so I don't think long stretches of silence would bother either of them.
FRIEND (DEROGATORY)