[Once again, that soft feeling, and that wrenching guilt in their chest. After everything Limbo did, would they deserve happiness? Someone by their side? The joys of being seen, and not being rejected, simply for being what they are?]
[But then again, isn't this an act of spite to Limbo, too, who couldn't love and was unable to love? The darkness of their heart could never comprehend this.]
[Ashiya Douman draws back, staring into Envy's eyes.]
You really wouldn't? You would have me, everything that I am?
...if, um, if that's something we actually get to have, then- yeah? I mean- you know, I see ghosts and everything, it's literally not a problem for me if you're dead.
[there's just, uh, trying to not let douman get fully vored? that is the big complication, here, but he politely does not say it. he just reaches up to rest a hand on the side of douman's face, doing his best to keep his eyes on theirs. his vision's a little swimmy, but it's fine. he's good.]
[he leans into it, a little more eagerly on his end-- one hand stays on douman's cheek, while his other arm slides around them, staying close. excuse him while he just wiggles and shifts in their lap a bit, turning to properly face them rather than being draped across them; he's more or less just straddling their lap now, settling right in with a little hum. there we go. much better.]
[Douman breaks the kiss momentarily, cheeks deeply flushed.]
If you agree to it...I want you to be mine, and mine alone. And I will be yours, and yours alone.
[In the end, this is why they're similar. They're both desperate, lonely people, needed someone to see them, and understand them, and claim them for themselves.]
Envy... [Another kiss, deeper this time. Its sad, not having a heartbeat - it would probably be racing a little, now.] Stay the night with me, okay?
[Even as they are doing their best to be "good" and resist temptation...the feeling of warmth and affection is too much to resist.]
[he stays close after that deeper kiss, shifting to wrap both arms around douman, head resting on their shoulder.
someone agreeing to something like this is one thing, but to ask him first, for somebody else to want him to be theirs without him having to be the one to initiate... it's warm. comforting. a lot easier to believe, like this.]
[And even though its embarrassing, and they know this is just their emotions letting loose after a long time being stuffed down inside, their eyes well up, and they blink away hot tears. Their arms wrap around Envy, keeping them close.]
...I don't want to indulge this way with anyone else.
[Its a choice. Of course, they could easily allow themselves to indulge with everyone else, because as much as they blush and act ashamed, being intimate is hardly something they don't enjoy. But this is important. Limbo was open to everyone. Douman doesn't want to be.]
[They nod. Yes, that mark...that thing that Limbo was insistent on having.]
I think I only have a little bit of it left, but... [A pause, and a nod.] I want it, too. Even though this place heals all wounds, I...like the idea of it.
[To be claimed. To be marked as "yes, they belong to me". Limbo had the right idea with that.]
[There's a pause. Does it matter, if Envy indulges with others? Of course, there's envy, yes, jealousy, because Douman is a needy, selfish human being at their core, but...]
[They sigh, shaking their head.]
...If you need to help people with their indulgences, then so be it. The living still need to indulge to keep themselves alive. For the greater good, I don't mind.
But I don't...want you to feel guilty. My choice is my choice. It's about you, but...it's about me and for me, too.
[They just want to put their own restraint on themselves. One step towards not becoming Limbo, depraved, addicted to affection from any source.]
I just...want you to promise that you'll always come back to me. [They clutch Envy's shoulders, staring into their eyes.] I will always be waiting, so...don't forget about me.
[The last thing they want is for Envy to go along with someone else, and leave them behind. Its a very Envy-like request.]
[It's something Douman wants to avoid, at all cost.]
[Are they selfish? Of course, of course. To take whatever Envy will give them. But also, how badly they want to give everything to Envy, to be their one and only One.]
[After a couple of weeks resisting things such as this, the kiss feels heavenly, and then the warm wet feeling of sucking a mark into their skin makes them shudder with delight. Their hand moves up into Ryan's hair.]
["Shiya". Douman smiles at the nickname - its not one they've ever been called by before, but its adorable, it is. A personal touch of a name, just for them. How special.]
[The priest thinks about it for a moment, turning their head to murmur back to Envy.]
...Since marks on me won't stay...I want to mark you. All over. With my teeth, or nails, or...whatever. Limbo had you all to themselves, and...I want to do it my own way, this time.
[A sigh.]
I just want...to take my time with you. To explore you, and your body, and...feel you, really feel you. And when the time comes, I want you to sigh out my name, cry it, because...I like hearing your voice.
[They lean in, nibbling at the other's ear.]
I want you all to myself, tonight. And I want you to...enjoy me, however you can. Mark wherever you want, ride me however you want, embrace me...however you want. Mmmm. I would enjoy that, thoroughly.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[Once again, that soft feeling, and that wrenching guilt in their chest. After everything Limbo did, would they deserve happiness? Someone by their side? The joys of being seen, and not being rejected, simply for being what they are?]
[But then again, isn't this an act of spite to Limbo, too, who couldn't love and was unable to love? The darkness of their heart could never comprehend this.]
[Ashiya Douman draws back, staring into Envy's eyes.]
You really wouldn't? You would have me, everything that I am?
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[there's just, uh, trying to not let douman get fully vored? that is the big complication, here, but he politely does not say it. he just reaches up to rest a hand on the side of douman's face, doing his best to keep his eyes on theirs. his vision's a little swimmy, but it's fine. he's good.]
I like you, you know.
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[They sigh.]
I...like you too.
[And they lean forward, capturing Ryan's lips in a gentle kiss.]
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[Douman breaks the kiss momentarily, cheeks deeply flushed.]
If you agree to it...I want you to be mine, and mine alone. And I will be yours, and yours alone.
[In the end, this is why they're similar. They're both desperate, lonely people, needed someone to see them, and understand them, and claim them for themselves.]
Envy... [Another kiss, deeper this time. Its sad, not having a heartbeat - it would probably be racing a little, now.] Stay the night with me, okay?
[Even as they are doing their best to be "good" and resist temptation...the feeling of warmth and affection is too much to resist.]
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[he stays close after that deeper kiss, shifting to wrap both arms around douman, head resting on their shoulder.
someone agreeing to something like this is one thing, but to ask him first, for somebody else to want him to be theirs without him having to be the one to initiate... it's warm. comforting. a lot easier to believe, like this.]
If that's what you want, then-- I want you, too.
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[And even though its embarrassing, and they know this is just their emotions letting loose after a long time being stuffed down inside, their eyes well up, and they blink away hot tears. Their arms wrap around Envy, keeping them close.]
I'm happy I'm yours.
[Don't abandon me.]
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[he reaches up to gently wipe their eyes with his robe sleeve, there. he doesn't have to wonder why they'd tear up-- he gets it.]
But your body still has my mark on it, right? Even if it wasn't you in charge when I gave it to you- it's for you, too, if you want it to be that way.
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[Its a choice. Of course, they could easily allow themselves to indulge with everyone else, because as much as they blush and act ashamed, being intimate is hardly something they don't enjoy. But this is important. Limbo was open to everyone. Douman doesn't want to be.]
[They nod. Yes, that mark...that thing that Limbo was insistent on having.]
I think I only have a little bit of it left, but... [A pause, and a nod.] I want it, too. Even though this place heals all wounds, I...like the idea of it.
[To be claimed. To be marked as "yes, they belong to me". Limbo had the right idea with that.]
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[oh- he looks a little surprised at that, actually, blinking once or twice.]
I probably can't redo the mark, since you heal, but what's there should stay.
[he's quiet a few moments, though, before he tilts his head and asks, slightly hesitantly-]
...do you, um. Do you- need me to not indulge like that with anyone?
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[There's a pause. Does it matter, if Envy indulges with others? Of course, there's envy, yes, jealousy, because Douman is a needy, selfish human being at their core, but...]
[They sigh, shaking their head.]
...If you need to help people with their indulgences, then so be it. The living still need to indulge to keep themselves alive. For the greater good, I don't mind.
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[you know. if envy comes back with marks or anything. he winces slightly when he says it, though, because-- haha, wow, what a way to think about it.]
I'll try not to do it too much, though.
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[Haha. Envy indulgence...]
But I don't...want you to feel guilty. My choice is my choice. It's about you, but...it's about me and for me, too.
[They just want to put their own restraint on themselves. One step towards not becoming Limbo, depraved, addicted to affection from any source.]
I just...want you to promise that you'll always come back to me. [They clutch Envy's shoulders, staring into their eyes.] I will always be waiting, so...don't forget about me.
[The last thing they want is for Envy to go along with someone else, and leave them behind. Its a very Envy-like request.]
[It's something Douman wants to avoid, at all cost.]
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[his fingers run through their hair once more, and he leans in to smooch their cheek.]
Promise. If you do the same thing, then I will.
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[Its strange, having some small instance of hope.]
Of course. I'm yours. [A light laugh, as they lean in to properly kiss Envy.] I'm...putting everything aside for you.
[Just for the chance of being seen, being understood, and being loved. Its more powerful than anything else.]
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[one hand shifts to slide down their side, coming to rest at their hip.]
...then I guess I better make up for that, right?
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[The touch is nice - Douman hums, one of their hands moving to stroke the nape of Ryan's neck.]
I would hope you would. [A light laugh, and an ever fond look.] But I'll take whatever you give me.
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[envy leans in, pressing a kiss to their neck-- then sucking a little mark there.]
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[After a couple of weeks resisting things such as this, the kiss feels heavenly, and then the warm wet feeling of sucking a mark into their skin makes them shudder with delight. Their hand moves up into Ryan's hair.]
Yes. Just...like that.
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[it's murmured against their neck, soft.]
Tell me what you want me to do for you? Or to do to me. Either way, honestly.
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[The priest thinks about it for a moment, turning their head to murmur back to Envy.]
...Since marks on me won't stay...I want to mark you. All over. With my teeth, or nails, or...whatever. Limbo had you all to themselves, and...I want to do it my own way, this time.
[A sigh.]
I just want...to take my time with you. To explore you, and your body, and...feel you, really feel you. And when the time comes, I want you to sigh out my name, cry it, because...I like hearing your voice.
[They lean in, nibbling at the other's ear.]
I want you all to myself, tonight. And I want you to...enjoy me, however you can. Mark wherever you want, ride me however you want, embrace me...however you want. Mmmm. I would enjoy that, thoroughly.